Due to the current financial situation caused by the Corona Virus and slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a
scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of **** they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring this to the attention of your TD, who has been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to Corona Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions,
The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Mom called me this morning...surprise...she usually calls late afternoon. She was complaining that the Mennonite Manor was on lockdown. I keep telling her that New Mexico has a stay at home order, that it's not just her staying at home. She said that she doesn't see the point, because she checks every morning when she gets up and dressed if she has the "bug virus". I asked her what she was talking about. She says, "Well they show enough pictures of it on TV every day, and I haven't had anything that looks like that on me."
She was serious.
And she also told me that my sister in Oregon got a shot so she won't get it. And that she's mad that Kohls is not open because she wants to go shopping.