Have you considered GRIEF in your plans?

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angie_nrs

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I thought we already had a thread on this topic, but I can't find it. Perhaps it was a different forum. Anyways, it's a good thing to consider in your plans. Beans and bullets won't do a whole lot for you if you are immersed in grief. A lack of 'will to live' will kill you just a fast as a lack of food. I've seen it when I worked in the hospital. Many times an elderly life long spouse would pass and the living spouse would follow sometimes just weeks or months later. It happened way more often than you might think.

With grief comes not only a lack of will to live, but it also causes a type of brain fog in the form of memory issues or lack of focus. It can also cause sleep disturbances and weaken immunity. For many it can also lead to substance abuse and other self destructive behaviors. The sense of loss overwhelms the other senses and can cause one to make some stupid mistakes. Those who are all gung-ho and say BRING IT!.....kinda confuse me. With all that chaos, that they are hoping happens, comes a lot of death and loss. Do they think they will be able to just ignore all of that and carry on like nothing happened?

Personally, I'd rather deal with physical pain than emotional pain. Both are exhausting! Sadly, with life comes both. I think many 'preppers' plan for physical issues, but I don't think many think about the emotional issues as well. Both can bring your life to a grinding halt. If something happened to my husband or kids, I'd be a total mess. If that happened during an event of some sort, I don't know how I'd handle it, but I'm sure it likely wouldn't be pretty. It would be devestating! At that point, I'd probably pray for a quick death and may not even bother to put up much of a defense if it was required.

So, I'm curious if any of you have plans for handling grief?
 
How do
I thought we already had a thread on this topic, but I can't find it. Perhaps it was a different forum. Anyways, it's a good thing to consider in your plans. Beans and bullets won't do a whole lot for you if you are immersed in grief. A lack of 'will to live' will kill you just a fast as a lack of food. I've seen it when I worked in the hospital. Many times an elderly life long spouse would pass and the living spouse would follow sometimes just weeks or months later. It happened way more often than you might think.

With grief comes not only a lack of will to live, but it also causes a type of brain fog in the form of memory issues or lack of focus. It can also cause sleep disturbances and weaken immunity. For many it can also lead to substance abuse and other self destructive behaviors. The sense of loss overwhelms the other senses and can cause one to make some stupid mistakes. Those who are all gung-ho and say BRING IT!.....kinda confuse me. With all that chaos, that they are hoping happens, comes a lot of death and loss. Do they think they will be able to just ignore all of that and carry on like nothing happened?

Personally, I'd rather deal with physical pain than emotional pain. Both are exhausting! Sadly, with life comes both. I think many 'preppers' plan for physical issues, but I don't think many think about the emotional issues as well. Both can bring your life to a grinding halt. If something happened to my husband or kids, I'd be a total mess. If that happened during an event of some sort, I don't know how I'd handle it, but I'm sure it likely wouldn't be pretty. It would be devestating! At that point, I'd probably pray for a quick death and may not even bother to put up much of a defense if it was required.

So, I'm curious if any of you have plans for handling grief?
How do you plan for it? I think you just have to do it. If there were to be a true S hits the F situation the world would go back to survival of the fittest. That means not only the strongest and fastest physically, but mentally as well...
 
I thought we already had a thread on this topic, but I can't find it. Perhaps it was a different forum. Anyways, it's a good thing to consider in your plans. Beans and bullets won't do a whole lot for you if you are immersed in grief. A lack of 'will to live' will kill you just a fast as a lack of food. I've seen it when I worked in the hospital. Many times an elderly life long spouse would pass and the living spouse would follow sometimes just weeks or months later. It happened way more often than you might think.

With grief comes not only a lack of will to live, but it also causes a type of brain fog in the form of memory issues or lack of focus. It can also cause sleep disturbances and weaken immunity. For many it can also lead to substance abuse and other self destructive behaviors. The sense of loss overwhelms the other senses and can cause one to make some stupid mistakes. Those who are all gung-ho and say BRING IT!.....kinda confuse me. With all that chaos, that they are hoping happens, comes a lot of death and loss. Do they think they will be able to just ignore all of that and carry on like nothing happened?

Personally, I'd rather deal with physical pain than emotional pain. Both are exhausting! Sadly, with life comes both. I think many 'preppers' plan for physical issues, but I don't think many think about the emotional issues as well. Both can bring your life to a grinding halt. If something happened to my husband or kids, I'd be a total mess. If that happened during an event of some sort, I don't know how I'd handle it, but I'm sure it likely wouldn't be pretty. It would be devestating! At that point, I'd probably pray for a quick death and may not even bother to put up much of a defense if it was required.

So, I'm curious if any of you have plans for handling grief?
Not plans per se, but have thought about it. I do think the younger generation that has know so very few hardships would fare poorly. I am not exempt as you said especially if my family was effected. I have had some rough patches and there have been two things that repeatedly helped my frame of mind.
A) The pioneers: think about them. They traveled in wagons through all weather, in some cases being attacked, in some cases loosing loved ones along the way and barely being able to cover them so the coyotes wouldn't eat them then having to keep going - wow! That doesn't even touch the physical aspect of labor and supplies (food & fuel).
B) What if you were watching your scenario play out like a movie? What would you want the main character (you) to do? How would you want (you) to end up? That sounds far fetched, but sometimes removing yourself from the situation helps cope at least a little more sanely until there is time for a breakdown.
That's all I've got.
 
Not plans per se, but have thought about it. I do think the younger generation that has know so very few hardships would fare poorly. I am not exempt as you said especially if my family was effected. I have had some rough patches and there have been two things that repeatedly helped my frame of mind.
A) The pioneers: think about them. They traveled in wagons through all weather, in some cases being attacked, in some cases loosing loved ones along the way and barely being able to cover them so the coyotes wouldn't eat them then having to keep going - wow! That doesn't even touch the physical aspect of labor and supplies (food & fuel).
B) What if you were watching your scenario play out like a movie? What would you want the main character (you) to do? How would you want (you) to end up? That sounds far fetched, but sometimes removing yourself from the situation helps cope at least a little more sanely until there is time for a breakdown.
That's all I've got.
Talk about TOUGH people, the pioneers!! WOW!
 
I am close to a situation that is not SHTF, but someone who lost her mother to COVID last month. Friend is in her 40's and her family is close and get together frequently. It is as though the rug has been pulled out from underneath her and she cannot get a grip. She is taking time, a couple months, off work, and is in counseling. I know she had a dear mother and will be hurting for a while. It is also still early days of the loss and the year of firsts. She and her family will get through this, but they have lost a special person.

My thought is that some people will not do well, no matter who, what or how. There are people who are not emotionally equipped to handle such situations well.

There are people who will do okay for a while, but may eventually lose it. I have seen this with my mom's sister. She has taken care of lots of business in the family, including end of life and funerals, and carries on. But maybe she loses it after everyone has gone home and left her on her own.
 
I've found this book interesting reading: www.amazon.com/Letting-David-Hawkins-M-D-Ph-D/dp/1401945015 - Letting Go by David Hawkins. I'm only about 1/2 way through it, but it's all about processing your emotions and not letting them turn into trauma.

I'd also say having some faith in a higher power has to help as well, no matter what that higher power is. I think people of faith have a bit of an edge in handling grief and emotional pain.
 
I deal with death everyday.
That being said if it’s immediate family I’m sure I’ll feel differently, but I think I’m pretty mentally tough after having gone through a pandemic in the ICU.
I also think resources and books on how to deal with grief would be helpful if counselors not available.
Friends and family can also be a source of comfort.
 
She is taking time, a couple months, off work

There are people who will do okay for a while, but may eventually lose it. I have seen this with my mom's sister. She has taken care of lots of business in the family, including end of life and funerals, and carries on. But maybe she loses it after everyone has gone home and left her on her own.
It's certainly different for different people. For me, I try to bury myself in other things to keep the mind occupied and view work as a needed mental break. The busier I am with other things, the easier it seems to deal with. I try to fake it, til I make it....so to speak. That empty hole feeling and core heaviness is hard to ignore, but if I can occupy the brain, it does help me. So, I would probably take a day or two off, but I'd have to find something to keep me occupied or I'd go nuts. I might even consider taking on another job if it was a close family member. I tend to get more weepy in the evening hours when things calm down for the day and the sun goes down. :( Those first few days after a loss sure do seem to drag on forever.......
I've found this book interesting reading: www.amazon.com/Letting-David-Hawkins-M-D-Ph-D/dp/1401945015 - Letting Go by David Hawkins. I'm only about 1/2 way through it, but it's all about processing your emotions and not letting them turn into trauma.

I'd also say having some faith in a higher power has to help as well, no matter what that higher power is. I think people of faith have a bit of an edge in handling grief and emotional pain.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I have a few books on the subject and have only read one of them. Reading these books before a major loss would likely be beneficial. Although reading them after the fact could also help the healing processs as well.

For sure my faith in Jesus helps me through so many of lifes challenges. I read a quote somewhere this week that said something like "we are spiritual beings in a temporary human world". It's not an exact quote, but the realization that we are all going to leave this physical world at some point and meet up with all those we've lost does provide me comfort. I still talk to Jesus and to those I've lost. I pray that he gives me the strength to carry on and to put an end to my (and others) suffering. Perhaps the more suffering we endure here, the more magnificent heaven will be. Maybe it's sort of like when you have a much deeper appreciation for your health after you face and combat a medical issue.
I deal with death everyday.
That being said if it’s immediate family I’m sure I’ll feel differently

Friends and family can also be a source of comfort.
I know that feeling well. It's certainly different observing it as opposed to being right in it, although it's not pleasant either way. Those days at the hospital when we lost patients were just exhausting days. The toll it takes on a persons' mental state is very underrated.

I've noticed that friends and family often times avoid the topic or avoid the family members suffering due to the heavy toll it puts on them to support others. I confess that when MIL lost her husband many years ago, I was guilty of this. It seemed that I found excuses for not stopping in. I think the truth was, that it was too hard on me and it was easier to avoid the situation all together. It's not easy being that support person. After a few days, the immediate support seems to dry up and I think that's when grief can really sneak up on you.
How do you plan for it? I think you just have to do it. If there were to be a true S hits the F situation the world would go back to survival of the fittest. That means not only the strongest and fastest physically, but mentally as well...
I think the best way to try and plan for it, is to at least consider it. I think a lot of people think that 'I've got my beans and bullets so I'm all set'. Well that might work if you can turn off your soul and close your heart. I don't know anyone that can do that (thankfully).
 
I sometimes wonder how I will fare. We have kids and grandkids. Fortunately I have not had to face a serious family illness or loss. Well except for losing my parents as an adult, but I didn't feel a connection to them. That is a story from another time maybe. I do believe I am fairly resilient mentally.
I do have real concerns about my wife's mental state. In recent times I have pointed out that she falls apart over every day issues. I have asked what are you going to do if life gets really hard? I don't have an answer for that.
 
It really depends on the person, what happened to cause the death, and the emotional support the person has in place or reaches out for. Hi, I’m still grieving at times. You don’t “get over it”. You can’t really plan for grief but knowing what can happen, knowing the “stages of grief”, can help. The stages of grief…I many times told them (the stages) to screw themselves as I’d be dealing with my loss however I damn well pleased, thank you very much. But here you’re talking about death and grief in high stress situations. Again, as long as you have at least one other person of fairly sane disposition to help you get through it, it can make a huge difference rather than trying to handle it alone. Remember family cemeteries on farms? Do you have such a place? I don’t. Stay close to the Lord. He’ll get you through it.
 
Even without a SHTF, I'm kinda already there. Losing my husband of nearly 28 years has made me take a hard look at my life and the future. The grief of loss atleast in his case, was somewhat tempered only because we already knew it was coming and we all dealt with the 'shock' together over 3 years time. So I think most of the grief happened during that time. If his passing had been sudden, it may have all played out differently.

Now and since then, I've also had to realize I am no longer in the driver seat, but in the backseat 'enjoying the view' so to speak, but without the joy. Whatever plans I have for the future, is now only for me....and no longer includes 'US' and the kids are now of legal age and trying to become adult individuals taking control of their own lives and I am now just the advisor, if & when they need. I am no longer in the do or accomplish stage of life, but now just live it out to whatever end comes. Or just resting on my laurels. It sounds depressing and probably is, but it is that reality that comes at a certain stage of life, when we becomes me. If my time comes to go Home, I'm ready and have no regrets and certainly not afraid. Though I would like to see all my kids happy and settled.

Though all that is more about more normal times or a more perfect world..........if SHTF it could all change in a heartbeat. If I lost one of my kids I don't know how I'd react or deal with it or if I would at all. If for some reason lost all 3 of them? Then I know I'd have nothing else to live for at all and probably do a Clint Eastwood in Grand Torino, cause there would be no reason to stick around. It is what it is
 
That is also true. Was it going to be months down the road, weeks, days, or in 5 minutes? Having two family members who died in car accidents, that is never easy to deal with either. Sudden death is always a shock.


Our shock came when hubs finally went to the DR for recurring chest pains. I'd been trying to get him to go for months since he had a family history of heart problems and we thought it was his heart. DR on examination said his heart was ok, but not in danger so they did xrays. I was standing behind the tech when the images came up on his screen and I knew right away what that big spot was.

But that wasn't the biggest shock. That came a few days later when we went to a radiologist who was supposed to read the xrays & MRI that was done. But they did NOT have any results of biopsy or scans as yet and he says Oh this is bad, you only have 2 months to live. I already knew it takes atleast 4 to 6 months of tests and scheduling before you ever start chemo.....so what he suggested meant hubs would be dead before any treatment could start. That really p*ssed me off since he had no idea just what type of cancer, speed of growth or if it was even malignant or not. Only imaging. But it all felt like a runaway speeding locomotive hitting a concrete wall with a sudden stop.
 
In some ways it's harder.....kinda like ripping off that proverbial bandaid a little at a time or all at once.
I was thinking the same thing. Is a few months death sentence better or worse than a sudden unexpected death? It's like everything moves in slow motion when you know the end is coming. I think God has done us a favor by not letting us know (or dwell on) how our end of life might happen or when. I just hope I go before my husband. I think his death would break me. I have a tough exterior, but inside I'm just a big mushy mess.

JustMe, I am so very sorry for your loss and what you have been through. I can't imagine what kind of pain you've had to endure. Cyber hugs to you.
 
How do

How do you plan for it? I think you just have to do it. If there were to be a true S hits the F situation the world would go back to survival of the fittest. That means not only the strongest and fastest physically, but mentally as well...

Yep. I've considered it a lot.

But I have no idea how you 'prep' for it. I just home I'm strong enough when the time comes.

I'm fine with people outside my group dying, emotionally, almost everyone outside my walls is dead already to me. Its just a great big world filled with seven billion zombies.

But when it comes to my people and pets....totally different story, grief could very well be the thing that takes me out.

I've already had several episodes these last few years where I just crawl into bed and stop eating, drinking, talking, etc for a few days at a time over emotional stuff.

If they made Xanax for fish I'd lay in a supply.
 
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All of our older relatives are gone, wife' younger brother and sister are gone, neighbor' husband and dad died this month, at 79 years, to me this has been somewhat of a normal happening and I have looked at death as a relief from pain for loved ones and dear friends, I look at death and have to believe that God is taking people to keep them from the suffering of what's coming, tribulation is going to be very bad, in fact as far as we're concerned, it's already started, from Covid to volcanoes, crop failures to child sex trades and horrible people being in charge of countries, we've given our manufacturing over to countries that hate us and our government gives money to people out of work, money out of coffers that no longer contain anything of true intrinsic value, they print money and throw it at the problems believing it's supposed to solve the problems, all the while reducing the value of money to the point that a $50,000 home now costs $300,000+. A huge portion of working people are not able to afford their first home, if they can even find one. Unless one grows their own food, the quality and nourishment of what food is available is becoming substandard, if all this doesn't sound like the beginnings of SHTF, I believe that we may have become blinded, I know of many people that would like to be preparing that just can't afford to do so. Anyway, I see comfort in death, many of our loved ones dying now will not have to go through the really bad times ahead, for the survivors I pray their hearts are healed and that they see that their loved ones are no longer suffering. Hope I've not rambled too much, there's just a lot of bad things going on that are a heavy load to carry for people that may not be in the best of health, that could be released by death.
 
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I read these posts and I just feel like we are all in different seats on the same boat. My wife of 37 years has had congestive heart failure for over 23 years, when it first arrived we worked like heck to help her get "better", eventually her heart function did get up to 40%. Then she was hit with breast cancer, treated and recovered but during the process she developed Charcot foot, they saved the foot but she has had to wear a neigh high hard boot 24/7 ever since (16 years now), Then she started a slow slide downward, we did adjust to a no salt/low fat diet, then we had to get oxygen in the house. At first she would have about 5 good days out of 7 and would just need to rest more. Then it got down to 1 or 2 good days. 4 years ago she enjoyed the holidays too much and fell off her diet, put on a bunch of water weight and ended up in the hospital (we had been able to keep her out of the hospital all these years). She had several more visits to the hospital and 4 years ago they wanted to install an LVAD (mechanical heart) but when we read about all the complications (infections, bleeding, and worse) and were told that she would only be increasing her life span by a couple of years, she said no... They told her that she wouldn't live 6 months without it, but they put her on a Milrinone IV to give her a short term improvement in life function. We accepted the future and took out a loan to bring home all the kids and grand kids for Christmas. We got some good photos, that was 3 years ago.

Today, we are thankful for when she has part of a good day, she can see the garden, but cannot walk to it, she cannot leave the house without assistance or drive anymore. She sleeps a lot, I usually start my work day around 06:00, take a break around 9 am (or when I hear her walker on the floor overhead) and fix her breakfast and give her juice with potassium pills in it. She still try's to fix dinner, but that is a 50/50 type thing, sometimes she can do it, sometimes she can just get it started, and then there are days when she can't get to the kitchen at all.

We have talked about what I will do once she is gone, she has made it clear that she does not want me to remarry and to tell you the truth I'm good with that, I would be lonely, but I wouldn't want to have to worry about someone else having to take care of me and I don't think I want to go through this type of thing again. All my kin are gone save an uncle and a couple of cousins that I am not on speaking terms with. If I were 10 years younger I would be planning on a move to someplace with some land (10-100 acres) that I could be more or less self sufficient, but I may be just a tad bit late for that dream.

Tonight we made a 7 layered bean dip dish - (No Salt) and we are resting up for a quiet new years talking about the garden and hoping for 1 more year.

I have to say that staying busy and having virtual friends like you all, really keeps me on a level keel.
 
To answer the original question, NO, I have not considered Grief in my plans. We have had our share of grief in our lives. You deal with it as it comes. I guess I am somewhat fatalistic about it. Whatever fate God chooses for us we accept and move on until He calls us home. Life doesn't end when you have a tragedy as difficult and painful as it might be.
 
@Aerindel But we're out here, and we're not zombies 😍 I am not making light of your feelings, but for me at least, when I feel like the whole world has gone mad, this place gives me hope. I know there are some good folks out there & love y'all for it. I mean love in one of the real & appropriate ways (why does English only have one word for all types of love?) Knowing that others are facing or have faced similar battles is for some reason comforting - not alone I guess.
@viking I agree.
@UrbanHunter & @Amish Heart You two are a special kind of people 🙏
@Morgan101 I agree again. I don't wish for death but neither do I fear it. Kinda like Viking said, call it a day and head on home.
 
I couldn't be a zombie, and I couldn't not care about others. Things get bad at some point or another, but life is a gift from God and we're to make use of that gift till we go to heaven. I don't think it's a weakness to show your best to those around you. I believe my life is to care for others as much as I can. Even if I think the world has gone mad. And lately I think it has.
 
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