Jokes and Humor

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Haertig

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One: I listen to both sides, but generally I would be more likely to sympathize with the Jewish side over the Palestinian side. And I think Israel is the best of all our allies.

Two: This joke is funny.

Have we gotten so politically correct that we can't laugh at ourselves? I miss the days when we could actually make ... a joke!


"Israel is reporting that they’ve vaccinated half of their population. I’m going to guess it’s the Jewish half."
 

Caribou

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Subject: On the 8th Day God created Seniors

God's Plan for Aging.

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find, as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Please share this wisdom with others; I need to go to the bathroom.
 

The Lazy L

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Your picture reminded me of my former employer. They were adding onto the business office. I ran the wiring for their keyless entry system. I looked at the blueprint to see which way the entry door would swing. I put the keyless reader beside where the door knob would be. Building Contractor decided on his own to swing the door in the opposite direction. Now the employees have to reach across the door to unlock it.
 

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