Jokes and Humor
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Jim
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Our boys would do that in the house. Close each other in a cardboard box, and roll each other down the stairs. Also duct tape each other to the poles in the dining room.
Me and my sister did this as kids in boxes on a muddy hillside.
Brutal
But fun then.
Jim
Brutal
But fun then.
Jim
Jim
Jim
Jim
The Irish painter
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition. In a few minutes he returned.
" 'T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay. "I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."
T'is why we love the Irish!
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition. In a few minutes he returned.
" 'T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay. "I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."
T'is why we love the Irish!
Jim
Yes sir..
Jim
Jim
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I used to run my company from my home. I had the basic phone with a cheap Costco answering machine. A call came in one day from one of my wife's girlfriends. I answered the phone and said, thank you for calling my business, if this is a business call press 1, if this is a personal call press 2. Beep. To leave a message for me press 1, to leave a message for her press 2. Beep. If this is A,B,C, (I listed three of her girlfriends) press 1,2,3. Beep. I don't know how long I could have kept this up but I couldn't hold back my laughter any longer.
Two octogenarian ladies, Edna and Jane, live in a Nursing Home. Every day they go out on the patio to smoke. One day when they were outside smoking it started to rain. Edna pulled out a condom, and put it over her cigarette so it wouldn't get wet. Jane looked amazed. She said "Where did you get that?" Edna replied "Anybody can get them. You just go to the Pharmacy." The next day Jane goes to the Pharmacy. A young 20 something Pharmacist asks "How can I help you?" Jane says "I would like a box of condoms." The young Pharmacist is mortified; turns ten shades of red, and sheepishly asks " Well Ma'am, do you want them lubricated or unlubricated; ribbed?" Jane is rummaging through her purse looking for her wallet. She doesn't even look up, and with a wave of her hand she replies " Oh Honey, I don't care. Just as long as they fit a Camel." The Pharmacist passed out.
Country boy will survive...
Jim
And, I'm not even Amish...
Jim
Hmmmm..
Jim
The factory listed the spare tire as a safety device. It is against the law to remove or deactivate any safety device on a car.
OSHA has a similar rule and it applies to the data plates on industrial and earth moving equipment. If the data plate is missing, unreadable or out of date the vehicle has to be locked out of service until it is fixed.
OSHA has a similar rule and it applies to the data plates on industrial and earth moving equipment. If the data plate is missing, unreadable or out of date the vehicle has to be locked out of service until it is fixed.
I can explain it.
The guy is an idiot.
The guy is an idiot.
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Ha Ha Phideaux on the Amish joke.
(They did have to cancel church last week, though, and it was my cousin's daughter's turn to host).
(They did have to cancel church last week, though, and it was my cousin's daughter's turn to host).
Jim
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