Many Manners seem to be a thing of the past

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Weedygarden

Weedygarden

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It seems that many people never learned the same things that I did, or if they learned them, don't use them.

What has changed? Is it that these are just not important any more? Were they ever important?

An 80 year old friend of mine told me a story of a friend who went to his house when he was a child. He sat down at the dinner table with his hat on. Friend's mother didn't say a word, but went to friend, took the hat off his head and threw it to the floor.

For me, I have seen people stand at a door or window and look in. That was a big no-no for us, to look in people's windows.

What about you? What manners were you taught that seem to be passe now?
 
You can not have/use manners & be a victim!!
Manners mean taking responsibility for what you say & do.
Being a victim is to abandoned all responsibility & blame so one other than yourself.

Not to stare at people who are different.
Note that pointing or laughing was close to a death sentence.
It was something you did not think about, forget doing it.
 
The honorifics are gone. It used to Uncle___, Aunt___, Mr__, Miss___, for people you knew and Sir or Ma'm for those you didn't. My wife met a gal at bingo that is about 25 or 30 years older than she is and she calls her Miss Pearl.
 
If you want to see young people with manners just visit a boot camp base. When my son graduated from the Air Force basic training my wife and I went to see him, While we were in a base store my wife was looking at something and a guy was in front of her when he saw her he jumped to his feet and said excuse me Ma'am. It happened several time during our visit. She said she could get used to treatment like that. I told her we couldn't stay on a military base forever.
When I was a kid manners were taught and if you didn't mind your manners someone would remind you, usually one of the women present. A smack upside your head got the message through quickly.
 
Caribou said:
The honorifics are gone. It used to Uncle___, Aunt___, Mr__, Miss___, for people you knew and Sir or Ma'm for those you didn't. My wife met a gal at bingo that is about 25 or 30 years older than she is and she calls her Miss Pearl.
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A family that I grew up close to, had a son a year younger than me, a facebook friend now. His mother is still living and recently had a birthday, turning 95. He posts a photo of his mother with her birthday cake and everyone says, "Happy Birthday, Nellie" (not her real name). I say, "Happy Birthday, Mrs. Jones."
 
When we went visiting to my mom's friends place, I was to sit on the couch properly while the ladies visited. If I was offered a treat, like a cookie, I would look to my mom to see if it was allowed. I grew up thinking "crumb" was a verb, as in, "don't crumb". We never asked for anything, couldn't get fidgety, just sit. If a while has passed, then possibly it was said by the hostess that it would be ok to play out back with the dog or something.
 
Just a simple "please" and "thank you" go a long way. These simple words are just part of my everyday vocabulary. I don't even think about using them, they are automatic. Apparently those words are going out of style.:( I was taught to send thank you notes in the mail when I received a gift for Birthdays, graduations, etc. I still, to this day, send thank you notes. That also, seems to be a thing of the past. I am just amazed that many times I do not receive a thank you for sending graduation cash. Very rude IMHO.

It also used to be no big deal to see a man open the car door for a woman. I rarely see it anymore. But, in all honesty hubs doesn't open my car door for me either, usually b/c I'm always 10 steps ahead of him and am usually in the car before he gets there.:cool:
 
As bad as manners are now wait a few years. With everyone constantly on their phone there will be very little to no direct human interaction so manners will be completely forgotten. Except for us old geezers that refuse to give in to the electronic brain numbing.
You kids get off my lawn. OK rant over. :)
 
The one I remember most is when invited for dinner at someone elses home (Dad was a 1st Sgt so we were frequently eating at some Lt. or Captains house), you have to at least try everything on your plate. And don't ask for seconds if there is still food on your plate.

I learned to eat all of whatever I didn't like first, so I could enjoy seconds of whatever I did like.

Of course, the "Yes, Sir", "Yes, Ma'am", "Please" and "Thank You" were obligatory as well.

I usually didn't find out I'd screwed up until the ride home, though. Mom and Dad were too polite to cause a scene at the function, though I would get "The Look" if I was skirting the line...
 
backlash said:
As bad as manners are now wait a few years. With everyone constantly on their phone there will be very little to no direct human interaction so manners will be completely forgotten. Except for us old geezers that refuse to give in to the electronic brain numbing.
You kids get off my lawn. OK rant over. :)
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There are people of all ages who are abusers of being on their phones, staring at the screen or talking. It may seem to be just young folks, and maybe it is, but they are far from alone in this matter. As I have said before, when a vehicle is driving slow, holding up traffic, or weaving, it is often an older person trying to talk and drive.

I really believe that part of the problem with any kind of lack of manners has to do with parenting. Children who misbehave in public have not been properly trained by their parents. I remember a family at the Portland airport where the seating was up against the walls in a waiting area and the children were standing on the back of the seats, climbing the walls. Parents did nothing. If the children had fallen and gotten hurt, I imagine they would have tried to sue someone.

Don't we have more and more of a thing with people not wanting to follow rules, guidelines, laws or what has been asked of them, more doing what I want to, when and how I want to?
 
Weedygarden said:
I really believe that part of the problem with any kind of lack of manners has to do with parenting. Children who misbehave in public have not been properly trained by their parents.
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Spare the rod, spoil the child. But, but, but......we can't spank in this society anymore without some idiot calling 911 to report abuse.:rolleyes: Don't get me wrong, I didn't hit my kids, but when a good smack on the arse was called for, that's what they got. I was raised that way too......and I didn't grow up an emotional mess. Discipline is hard.....both in giving it out and getting it handed to you. It just seems like many parents these days don't want to say NO and don't want to be bothered teaching discipline......b/c it's hard. It's like the tail is wagging the dog. And if kids are raised that way, they end up being spoiled, self righteous, angry, and moronic adults. Yes, I'm thinking about you AOC! I have also noticed that those people seem to never be happy with anything, don't respect anyone, and don't appreciate anything......which circles right back to the subject of manners. Without appreciation, discipline, or respect you just won't see manners b/c those things are all at the root of decent manners.
 
angie_nrs said:
Spare the rod, spoil the child. But, but, but......we can't spank in this society anymore without some idiot calling 911 to report abuse.:rolleyes: Don't get me wrong, I didn't hit my kids, but when a good smack on the arse was called for, that's what they got. I was raised that way too......and I didn't grow up an emotional mess. Discipline is hard.....both in giving it out and getting it handed to you. It just seems like many parents these days don't want to say NO and don't want to be bothered teaching discipline......b/c it's hard. It's like the tail is wagging the dog. And if kids are raised that way, they end up being spoiled, self righteous, angry, and moronic adults. Yes, I'm thinking about you AOC! I have also noticed that those people seem to never be happy with anything, don't respect anyone, and don't appreciate anything......which circles right back to the subject of manners. Without appreciation, discipline, or respect you just won't see manners b/c those things are all at the root of decent manners.
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Too many people want to be their child's friend, not their parent. Some parents work hard and are so busy and tired that their child's misbehavior is low on the list of things they deal with. When women stayed home and didn't work outside of the home, they were stricter and expected more of their children. In some homes, the mother works, parents, cooks and cleans, all by herself. Some women are just overloaded. I can tell you when I was teaching, housework was low on the list, while my daughter's needs were above that.
 
Visiting with the youngest son and his family. We were sitting around the supper table talking. Four year old grandson wanting to join in on the conversation said, "Excuse me." When he was not acknowledge he tried again, "Excuse me". Again no reaction so he tried a third time, "DAD!" Conversation stopped and my son started chastising the grandson for yelling. When I stated GS tried twice, saying "Excuse me" and wasn't heard my son apologized to GS and asked what was it he wanted to say. GS took a few minutes to tell us about his favorite book character.
 
My assistant director is leaving the 21st, and my kitchen lady is replacing a teacher that is leaving this Friday. So I have an ad out for a full time Assistant Director and a full time kitchen lady/substitute teacher. Interviewed two people yesterday and one today, all for Assistant Director. I was shocked. My staff was shocked. One was middle aged, about 300 lbs, came in with 6 inch painted nails, gobs of makeup, yoga pants and a short top that said Las Vegas in glitter.
The lady today came by without an appointment, no resume, so she sat in our lobby on the couch and wrote one out by hand. She looked to be about 20 ish. Didn't know cursive, but her printing and spelling were ok. She was wearing a ratty tshirt, yoga pants, a sweatshirt jacket with a local breweries name on the arms, and checkered Vans slip ons, and she was also very, very huge. Went well with her blue in the back hair. Both feel that they are qualified to be an Assistant Director, and run my business when I'm not there because they just want to. No experience. Both have "taught" at dumpy day cares in the past for a very short period of time.
What happened to: making appointments, having a resume, being on time, and dressing for the position?
I have an appointment for another interview tomorrow afternoon. I hope I don't see yoga pants.
 
@Amish Heart surely it can only get better from now on :dunno: , hopefully that was the worst ones you saw first :) .

Yoga pants are fine as tights under clothing in cold weather as I wear cotton tights under my long skirts in winter. There would be no way I would wear them as outer wear though and yes I see your point as there seems to be a trend especially for larger women to wear tight lycra or stretch skin tight synthetic yoga pants :eek: and there is no way to hide those rolls and cellulite let me just say that. I agree that it is just something "you can't unsee". I must say though no matter what a woman's size there is always clothing and certain cuts to wear where you can and do look elegant and well dressed.

You really have to be very slim or model like to pull that look off. Even though I am slim I don't think even I have the figure to pull that look off.
 
I do a lot of interviews at my place. We have had pretty good luck with getting folks in that act like they know what they are doing. Of course no one gets in with out an invitation. Security and all that. But we also screen the resumes very hard before asking folks to even interview. Some folks are qualified, several make their resumes sound much better than they could ever hope to be. But we also have had some great folks come thru. I've got a new guy on my crew for about a year now that I'd love to have a whole crew like.

Good luck with more interviews, hopefully better than what you've already had.
 
Amish Heart said:
My assistant director is leaving the 21st, and my kitchen lady is replacing a teacher that is leaving this Friday. So I have an ad out for a full time Assistant Director and a full time kitchen lady/substitute teacher. Interviewed two people yesterday and one today, all for Assistant Director. I was shocked. My staff was shocked. One was middle aged, about 300 lbs, came in with 6 inch painted nails, gobs of makeup, yoga pants and a short top that said Las Vegas in glitter.
The lady today came by without an appointment, no resume, so she sat in our lobby on the couch and wrote one out by hand. She looked to be about 20 ish. Didn't know cursive, but her printing and spelling were ok. She was wearing a ratty tshirt, yoga pants, a sweatshirt jacket with a local breweries name on the arms, and checkered Vans slip ons, and she was also very, very huge. Went well with her blue in the back hair. Both feel that they are qualified to be an Assistant Director, and run my business when I'm not there because they just want to. No experience. Both have "taught" at dumpy day cares in the past for a very short period of time.
What happened to: making appointments, having a resume, being on time, and dressing for the position?
I have an appointment for another interview tomorrow afternoon. I hope I don't see yoga pants.
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This is a perfect example of something that has become a thing of the past, knowing how to present oneself. If they dress like that for an interview, how will they dress for work? You know if someone is a person who should work with children by how they dress. Times are changing, but how you dress says a lot about you.

Doctored resumes has become commonplace.
 
I've yet to see a current resume this week. The two that had one said that they were old and didn't reflect where they last worked, and were not geared for the job that they were applying for. For Assistant Director, they need to run and represent our school when I am not in the office. Also supervise our staff, who are very professional looking. But to think that they are "qualified" for this job because they "want it" was a new one for me.
 
Amish Heart said:
I've yet to see a current resume this week. The two that had one said that they were old and didn't reflect where they last worked, and were not geared for the job that they were applying for. For Assistant Director, they need to run and represent our school when I am not in the office. Also supervise our staff, who are very professional looking. But to think that they are "qualified" for this job because they "want it" was a new one for me.
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Seems like "I want" and "I feel" are supposed to be qualifications for just about everything these days. Wait til the job gets rough someday, and then see how "I want" and "I feel" work out...
 
Bacpacker said:
Now days resume's need to be written specific to the job being applied for. The info may be close to the same, but different things need to be the highlights. There is so much info on the net on how to write one. No reason someone shouldn't be able to figure that out.
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Resume's have changed. Nowadays you don't include dates of when you went to school here, or did this or that training.
 
RSVP--I saw this post, so I thought this would be a good discussion point.

"Alright, Peeps, let’s talk RSVP etiquette. Loosely translated RSVP means please respond. As graduation season winds down and the parties begin to dwindle, a very irksome trend continues- not RSVPing to party hosts. As my husband and I try to get final numbers for our son’s graduation party, there are still 10 families who have not said yay or nay. So let’s do a quick review. RSVP is your opportunity to show your host respect.

Etiquette rule #1 says you should give your response within 24 hours of receiving the invitation. Waiting until the respond by date tells your host not only am I not excited or interested in your event but I don’t really have enough respect to tell you.

Rule #2, RSVP is not only if you plan on attending but also if you don’t plan on attending.

Rule #3, if you reply yes, you plan on attending, make sure you show up. Your host has counted on you to attend. Yes, things come up that might keep you from attending but in those extreme situations, inform your host ASAP.

Finally, rule #4, do not bring uninvited guests. If the invitation is a plus one, then bring whomever you would like. Do not take the liberty of substituting someone other than who is on the invitation without first asking the host. You may not always know why that person wasn’t on the guest list in the first place.

Lastly, hosts, it is absolutely within your right to privately inquire from those no responders if they plan on coming.

We hate when people don’t respond to our events so be polite, don’t be a “non responder” in return.

Thanks for reading and happy partying!!"
 
@Weedygarden and yes we cater for numbers for food here too on events we hold here in our home.

The way it works or doesn't is if you do not reply or RSVP me then I don't cater for you nor do I bother following up to see if you will attend. We always as a matter of course over cater by a few people so if strays turn up at the last moment we have something to feed them or alternatively if no additional people show we have leftovers to eat ourselves.

Rarely here in Australia do people RSVP except those who are over the 40 age bracket who will usually say I am not sure personally but will follow up later to check schedules. I think most people do not know what RSVP means personally. Most respond only the night before so we are scrambling to organise enough food.
 
Weedygarden said:
I wonder if people don't even know what RSVP means. Maybe it needs to spelled out in more detail, such as: "Please let us know if you are going to attend, or not by Tuesday, June 4. We will plan the quantity of food we prepare from your response."
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You mean it doesn’t mean .... remember some vedding presents?
 
Terri9630 said:
I remember my Grandmother serving one couple ham sandwiches at an event. When they commented my Grandmother said "You didn't reply to let me know you were coming so we didn't cook for you, eat the sandwiches or eat elsewhere. Your choice."
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I have been to an event where a whole bunch of people did not RSVP, and at the event, there was a huge shortage of food. It was an all school reunion where tickets were to be purchased in advance for lunch. Something like 350 responded by purchasing tickets in advance, but closer to 500 showed up. People are seated by class, oldest class closest to the food and served first, most recent class furthest from food and last to be served. It was a self serve situation which also adds to the problem. How many of us take more food than we should in such situations?
 
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