Old Age Question About Rural Living Alone

Discussion in 'Country Living Questions' started by Meerkat, Jun 27, 2018.

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  1. Jun 27, 2018 #1

    Meerkat

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    Anyone ever thought of what you'd do if or when one or both got down and couldn't keep up with the work?
    I think about it more often now than before. Could stay with kids but don't really want to but also don't want to be put into a assisted living or home either.
    Any plans in case your no longer able to stay alone? I'm a firm believer in planning for such an event where hubby says he will deal with it when it comes. Well he may not be the one doing the dealing if he gets down first.
    Our kids are still dealing with their kids and grandkids so not sure they need us too or I'd want to be in their control.
     
  2. Jun 27, 2018 #2

    zoomzoom

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    My family is going through this now. Planning ahead is absolutely key. You'll want to build a "team" of people to take care of the people as well as the property.

    In our case, the relatives that need help are almost 300 miles away and my wife travels there every couple weeks. We're rectifying that by buying the house next door to ours and they'll live there. We can then tend to their needs daily instead of a couple times per month. Myself, my wife and kids will split the chores as needed and we'll arrange for professional medical care as needed (with as much as possible being performed at the house). We'll contract out other services as needed.
     
  3. Jun 27, 2018 #3

    Meerkat

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    Thank you very much Zoom. I have been thinking about this for awhile now and so thought I'd ask y'all what you are doing or if not close then like you ,what your parents are doing to protect themselves in the near future.
    Unless one needs constant care like alzimers 'spell' or something.
     
  4. Jun 27, 2018 #4

    Cascadian

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    We have been developing our property, starting from unimproved land. So far we have been up sizing the septic, electricity e.t.c. for second home. We will be allowed a second place for a caretaker. That caretaker is still TBD, but the plan is in in place.
     
  5. Jun 27, 2018 #5

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    Thank you Cascade, and I have thought of that plan too. Or even having a senior type community of some sort. But then you have to deal with their family's or friends who may not be so nice.
    Or who really knows someone till they are depending on them.

    I'm not trying to disagree here of course, just not sure what to plan for if we can even plan at all.
     
  6. Jun 27, 2018 #6

    Caribou

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    A few years ago we bought long term care insurance. This will allow us to bring in someone to care for us here or to move into a long term care facility.

    A friend of mine once worked as a home care attendant for the patient. She got room, board, and a stipend. If you lived near a college it might be an option, especially if they had a nursing program.
     
  7. Jun 27, 2018 #7

    Meerkat

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    Hubby says he ain't going nowhere, they can just throw in the the ground. But most of us don't die so fast and may be dependent on others for a long time. So then what?

    The kids would take us in but then for how long before they think we'd be better off elsewhere? One of our daughters has already mentioned assisted living near her place a few years ago. Now in this new place they have a mother in law suite but it is above garage. She said they could put in elevator. So guess we could stay in the 'birds nest' above garage,lol.
     
  8. Jun 27, 2018 #8

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    Long term is a very good idea but it is too late for us to buy it maybe?

    I know the radio advertises Visiting Angles so maybe check into that.
    Nobody is sick right now but seeing my neighbor who is and it is an eye opening. Plus what my brother went through was not good. I offered to care for him but he said he wasn't leaving Georgia and his wife who put him in nursing home. They were very well off, yet she put him in free place and was at game in another state when he died begging for her. Don't like somebody leave them before they are dying not when.
    Hubby and I love each other so not worried about that though.
     
  9. Jun 27, 2018 #9

    Meerkat

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    This looks like an advertisement so took it off. Don't know anything about it yet.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2018
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  10. Jun 27, 2018 #10

    The Lazy L

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    Location:
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    Our children live out of state.
    We have a two story house in a woods.
    Lots of leaves, limbs, trees and snow to keep removed.
    Wife is having a hard time going up and down the stairs.

    My suggestion of putting the place up for sale now and downsizing was met with tears. Wife believes if she pretends a situation can't exists then it doesn't.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2018
  11. Jun 27, 2018 #11

    Caribou

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    We moved to a ranch style home in anticipation of future need. Okay, it is already really nice. It came with tall toilets and a step in shower.
     
  12. Jun 27, 2018 #12

    Meerkat

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    Hubby too. I told him we could sell and travel he said he will be here when I get back. Not even as much as a houseboat! :chevy::eyeballs:. Not a good option so guess I'm here till he decides we leave, if ever.
     
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  13. Jun 27, 2018 #13

    Caribou

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    Is your home setup for senior living?
     
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  14. Jun 27, 2018 #14

    Meerkat

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    Yes it is basically set up. High toilet and a bidet for personal washing. Plus wheelchair hubby uses sometimes walker we both use when my knee or his back goes out. We have crutches but imo they are dangerous I saw my friend shoot off a restaurant entrance once on crutches.Plus I feel off them once and strained my ankle so it is the walker only for us.
     
  15. Jun 27, 2018 #15

    Caribou

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    Excellent, 80% of all problems are system problems. The better your system works for you the longer you get to stay home.
     
  16. Jun 27, 2018 #16

    Amish Heart

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    I think we'll build a "doddi" house next to the farmhouse. Let one of our kids live in the farmhouse and help with animals A doddi house is a grandpa house, usually built handicap ready, 2 bedroom, easier for old people. That will work if we make it to retire there. Either that, or build on another 1st floor level bedroom at the farm. Four of the bedrooms are upstairs. Typically that's how it's done in our family...one of the adult children takes the big house.
     
  17. Jun 27, 2018 #17

    snappy1

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    Daughter has a mother-in-law apartment behind her house in IL. So that's there is really needed. We bought in our small town thinking of future needs. Set up with walk in shower but we will have to have ramps put in front and back entrance.
     
  18. Jun 27, 2018 #18

    Meerkat

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    Thats neat Amish. None of ours live even near a farm . One of the kids did just build new home with a detached MIL suite.

    We have one ramp we put in for our old dog, we;d have to reinforce it for us. But it is a good start. And we have walk in shower.
     
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  19. Jun 27, 2018 #19

    Weedygarden

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    Meerkat, I think you are right in trying to plan for the future. It is tough that your husband can't even think about it. None of us want to get old, but it beats the alternative. I think that going to visit people you know who are living in alternative situations and to get him to talk about their situation makes it less personal for him.
     
  20. Jun 27, 2018 #20

    Meerkat

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    Weedy I agree. He needs to visit some of these places so we can at least make an informed decision, which I think we already know since we have visited with SIL, her 105 yr old granny shared room there with her 76 yr.old daughter. And the 105 y.o. mother was taking care of the 76 y.o daughter.
     
  21. Jun 27, 2018 #21

    TMT Tactical

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    As mentioned by many, the key is planning. The mechanical system part is easy to cover, if not cheap. The care factor is the difficult part. The THH project is intended for multiple generations (as many as four generations) with separate living quarters in a single compound. All are single level and will be wheel chair friendly. Wide hallways, wide door ways and tall toilets, for starters. The real issue is the level of care required. Certain mental issues are far beyond a families ability to care for or cope with. Everybody should take the time and put forth the effort to determine the quality of a future they want and expect to have. Waiting for other s to decide for you down the road, is not a good bet.
     
  22. Jun 27, 2018 #22

    Meerkat

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    TMT, whats a THH?
    So true about some with mental illness. Bless their hearts they could be in the next town by the time care taker gets out of the bathroom. No way can they be cared for at home. Always seeing a piece in th news about lost elder.
     
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  23. Jun 27, 2018 #23

    TMT Tactical

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    The THH stands for "Tin Hat House". The concept is too far out there for most to consider. We all have our reasons for prepping. Mine is the belief that someday, the S is going to HTF. It is not going to be pretty and it is not going to be fixed quickly. I really to hope I am completely off my rocker, in which case the family will just have some wonderful land and a great family retirement compound. Worst case, and I am right, they will have the best chance to survive and prosper.

    I can plan to provide care for many generations but some medical issues are just too complex. The pain and toll on family members trying to care for loved ones with dementia is too extreme, for both the patient and the family member. Some things just have to be left to the professionals. General physical issues can be over come, with proper planning. We each should look for the worst case, plan for it and then be pleased when it does not appear.
     
  24. Jun 27, 2018 #24

    timmie

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    we have a walk-in shower and tall toilets. the front of the house is groung level but the back is not. ; it's only 5 steps but that could be difficult if you have a bad back or knees which we do. i think as long as we can easily get in the front we'll probably leave the back as is.
     
  25. Jun 27, 2018 #25

    Cnsper

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    When I can't take care of myself I am done. I don't need or want to be 100.
     
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  26. Jun 27, 2018 #26

    tiffanysgallery

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    My plan to is move to the top of a mountain when i retire and when I've had enough of old age i'll jump.
     
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  27. Jun 27, 2018 #27

    TMT Tactical

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    Timmie, I would consider a ramp for eh back too. Emergency exit is not the time to see if you can navigate the steps.

    I plan the "Long Walk" as in "Judge Dredd" movie.
     
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  28. Jun 28, 2018 #28

    NannyPatty

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    We just put in a walk-in shower because my hubby had back surgery recently. At this point we’re going to sell our average and get a smaller property that I can keep up with. It’s our outside that is getting to be too much. Our house isn’t big, but the up keep is getting too much. Our place needs younger people who love the country lifestyle and the noise of kids around again. Our kids and grands are grown and doing their own thing and the grands are growing and leaving the nest quickly.
     
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  29. Jun 28, 2018 #29

    Amish Heart

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    We have a barter going with our back 13 acres of farmland. A cousin farms it. In exchange all of our mowing and yard upkeep is done. Everything is kept mowed, weeded, trees trimmed, etc.
     
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  30. Jun 28, 2018 #30

    Justin76

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    My father commented on our toilet in our new house being taller, I honestly didn't notice the difference. He kept saying "wait til you get older you'll see!"

    Our plan is something like TMT's, a good chunk of land that we set up now for the future for our son and his family, to move to when he gets older, and to look after us. Because of my wife being Chinese, family is important. Her parents are coming to Michigan in a few years to live with us on our property. My wife and I refuse to put them up in a home when they get old.
    My wife knows that if I get to be to much trouble just to leave me in the woods someplace.
     
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