Raising Competent Kids in an Incompetent World

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Sentry18

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https://www.theorganicprepper.com/raising-competent-kids-in-an-incompetent-world/

Raising Competent Kids in an Incompetent World

October 14, 2019

By Daisy Luther
It’s probably no surprise that the young people of today aren’t particularly independent. Not only does the “education” system take great pains to mold them into a bunch of terrified, follow-the-herd automatons, society, in general, doesn’t force them to do much for themselves either.

I’ll never forget when my oldest daughter came home for summer vacation after her first year of college. She told me that her younger sister, age 13 at the time, was much more mature and competent than many of the kids in her student apartment building. “I had to show a bunch of them how to do laundry and they didn’t even know how to make a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese,” she said.

Apparently they were likewise in awe of her ability to cook actual food that did not originate in a pouch or box, her skills at changing a tire, her knack for making coffee using a French press instead of a coffee maker, and her ease at operating a washing machine and clothes dryer.

One girl, she told me, kept coming to my daughter’s apartment for tea and finally my daughter said, “I can’t afford to keep giving you all my tea. You’re going to have to make your own tea in your apartment. The girls said sadly that she couldn’t because she didn’t have a tea kettle. She was gobsmacked when my daughter explained how to boil water in a regular cooking pot for making tea.

At long last, my daughter admitted that even though she thought I was being mean at the time I began making her do things for herself, she’s now glad that she possesses those skills. Hers was also the apartment that had everything needed to solve everyday problems: basic tools, first aid supplies, OTC medicine, and home remedies.

This got me thinking about how life will be when disaster eventually strikes.
If the country is populated by a bunch of people who can’t even cook a box of macaroni and cheese when their stoves function at optimum efficiency, and who can’t figure out how to make something as simple as tea in a different cooking vessel, how on earth will they sustain themselves when they have to not only acquire their food, but must use off-grid methods to prepare it? How can someone who requires an instruction manual to operate a digital thermostat hope to keep warm when their home environment it controlled by wood they have collected and fires they have lit with it?

And honestly, we can’t just blame the young people of today. We know that these types of skills aren’t taught in school, so shere have their parents been? Why hasn’t this generation been taught to cook, clean, problem-solve, and handle money? People often praise my kids for being competent but the things they do should not be that unusual. If you never give a kid responsibility or show them how to create a workaround, how do you expect them to magically be able to “adult” just because they hit some arbitrary age?

Let’s look at some less dramatic, but more likely, situations. This isn’t even about prepping, per se, but about life skills.

Job Loss
In the current economy, it might not even be as cut and dried as job loss – the new generation may never find work at all. When you have little-to-no money, cost-cutting efforts in order to get by requires certain skills and adaptations to stay fed and clean. Your kids need to know how to:

  • Cook inexpensive, nutritious meals from scratch using pantry basics
  • Do laundry by hand and hang it to dry
  • Get from point A to point B using public transit or – gasp – by walking
  • Budget limited money so that the most important things are paid first
  • Mend and repair items instead of replacing them
Power Outage Due to Natural Disaster
We’ve all seen the aftermath of hurricanes, tornados, blizzards, and superstorms. California just lost power for over a week to “prevent” wildfires.

Your kids should be able to:

  • Keep warm, whether that means safely operating an indoor propane heater, using the woodstove/fireplace, or bundling up in a tent and sleeping bags in the living room
  • Keep fed – they should have enough supplies on hand that they can stay fed at home for at least two weeks without leaving the house: cereal, powdered milk, granola bars, canned fruit, etc.
  • Keep safe – they need to understand when it’s dangerous to go out and about and they need to have basic self-defense and weapons-handling skills.
  • As well, they need to understand the dangers of off-grid heating and cooking, such as the risk of carbon monoxide poisoning in unventilated rooms, and to know how to lessen these risks.
Illness and Injury
This can happen anywhere at any time. Keeping a cool head when someone is ill or injured is the absolute most important step towards a good outcome. My kids both took babysitting courses and First Aid courses to further their money-making abilities as young teens, but the skills learned there go much further than bandaging a toddler’s scraped knee. Kids should:

  • Take a course in First Aid, CPR, and anything else applicable that is offered. The more you know, the calmer you are able to remain during a crisis.
  • Have a good basic First Aid kit and know how to use everything in it. Yes, that means “wasting” a few supplies by tearing them open and going through the use of them.
  • Know some home remedies for various common illnesses: teas for tummy aches, treatment for flu symptoms, how to soothe skin irritations, and how to care for a fever.
  • Have some basic over the counter medications on hand, like pills for diarrhea, pills for indigestion, and pain relievers.
Automotive Safety
An astonishing number of young adults don’t know how to drive. Fewer people than ever are getting their driver’s licenses.

Back when I was a kid, the most exciting thing in my teenage life was getting behind the wheel of a car, getting a learner’s permit when I was fourteen, and having that permit turn into a real driver’s license on my 16th birthday. This was freedom, baby!

Now, many kids couldn’t care less if they ever learn how to drive. Instead, they rely on public transit or friends and family members that drive. It’s one thing if you live in a major metropolitan area, but in places with lower populations, it seems that this is a vital skill. In order to transport yourself to work and school, or to help out in the event of an emergency, it seems to me that kids should know how to:

  • Drive. Not only an automatic transmission but also a standard transmission
  • Change a tire. You don’t want your teenage daughter stranded on the side of the road at the mercy of whoever stops to help. My daughter was not allowed to drive the car until she demonstrated her ability to change the tire with the factory jack.
  • Perform minor maintenance, like checking the oil and fluid levels, filling up the washer fluid, checking tire pressures and topping them up if needed, and changing the windshield wiper blades. I have a background in the automotive industry, so I also taught my daughter how to change the oil, which is nice to know, but not absolutely necessary.
 
And finally, what about day-to-day life skills?
I was truly surprised when my daughter told me about the lack of life skills her friends have. I always thought maybe I was secretly lazy and that was the basis on my insistence that my girls be able to fend for themselves. But it honestly prepared them for life far better than if I was a hands-on mom that did absolutely everything for them. They needed to realize that clothing does not get worn and then neatly reappear on a hanger in the closet, ready to be worn again. They need to understand that meals do not magically appear on the table, created by singing appliances ala Beauty and the Beast.

Here are some of the life skills that kids should have gained before leaving the nest:

  • How to use basic tools for repairs
  • How to cook a healthy meal
  • How to grocery shop within a budget and have healthy food for the week ahead
  • Speaking of that, how to budget in general, so that they don’t have “too much month and not enough money”
  • How to clean
  • How to do laundry, including stain removal
  • How to think for themselves and question authority
  • How to manage their time to get necessary tasks accomplished by the deadlines
  • How to tell the difference between a want and a need
  • How to be frugal with utilities and consumable goods
  • How to pay bills
  • How to stay out of debt (not easy with the college credit card racket that you see on campuses across the country and rampant student loans)
Competent kids turn into competent adults.
The more they practice these things under your watchful eye, the more competent they will be when they set out on their own. We all want our kids to be successful and independent and this is on us as parents. Don’t allow your kids to become crippled by a world that babies them in the name of convenience.

What are some of the skills you’ve taught your kids to prepare them for the real world? Have you witnessed some young adults who seem to be struggling to handle real life? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
 
It is disabling to do anything for someone who can do it for themselves. Yes, you can do things out of love and kindness, but not to the detriment of the person knowing how to do it for themselves.

How many people have never boiled water? Changed a tire? Washed their own clothing?

In my family, there were clearly defined roles of what females did, and the males did not do, but not quite the other way. Brothers never did laundry, cleaned THEIR own room, changed their own beds, any housework, did the dishes or did any cooking. However, I mowed the lawn, shoveled the sidewalk and other typical "male" tasks. Not out of resentment, but, this is disabling to the males of the world to not know how to do these things for themselves.
 
It is disabling to do anything for someone who can do it for themselves. Yes, you can do things out of love and kindness, but not to the detriment of the person knowing how to do it for themselves.

How many people have never boiled water? Changed a tire? Washed their own clothing?

In my family, there were clearly defined roles of what females did, and the males did not do, but not quite the other way. Brothers never did laundry, cleaned THEIR own room, changed their own beds, any housework, did the dishes or did any cooking. However, I mowed the lawn, shoveled the sidewalk and other typical "male" tasks. Not out of resentment, but, this is disabling to the males of the world to not know how to do these things for themselves.
I was expected to cook and clean as well as chop wood and work on cars. Growing up, chore were an equal opportunity experience. My first deer gun was my mothers gun.
 
Just last week my department got a call from a community group that seems to be comprised of people 18-29 who are small business owners or want to be. We get a lot of requests for presentations, usually about drugs or sexual assaults or personal safety. This time they were seeking a presentation on topics such what to do if something scary happens at night, what to do if someone passes counterfeit US currency, how to handle a rude customer, if they should just ignore shoplifters or they should say something, and so on.

A few weeks before that we taught a class on roadside emergencies; how to change a tire, how to jump start a car, etc. We were expecting teenagers, we ended up with people in their 20's and even 30's. They all seemed horrified when we took them to the motorpool to have them actually perform some of these tasks. Watching a nervous 30 year old male with a man bun cringe as he attaches jumper cables gives me less hope for the future.
 
When we were dating my (now) wife had a flat. I started out to change it when she mentioned that she had never changed a tire. She has never forgiven me for teaching her to change that tire.:LOL:
 
When we were dating my (now) wife had a flat. I started out to change it when she mentioned that she had never changed a tire. She has never forgiven me for teaching her to change that tire.:LOL:

Car I don't blame her fro that. I've changed one tire and had help from my girl fried ,it was no fun. Between the two of us we got it done. Had 6 little kids in it on express way with trucks flying by.
 
I was expected to cook and clean as well as chop wood and work on cars. Growing up, chore were an equal opportunity experience. My first deer gun was my mothers gun.
In my experience, children love to do real life activities. It develops motor skills, hand strength, focus, attention to detail. It is purposeful activity. They are contributing members of the family.

This might seem like a high expectation for a 2 1/2 year old child, but notice his focus, his concentration. Yes, the rolls are not evenly sized. I think that would come in time. Children can do more than many think they can or should. People often do not know how to deal with the messes. My daughter has a friend who was never allowed to cook because the kitchen would get messed up. Can't have that! She has struggled to cook as an adult.

 
In my experience, children love to do real life activities. It develops motor skills, hand strength, focus, attention to detail. It is purposeful activity. They are contributing members of the family.

This might seem like a high expectation for a 2 1/2 year old child, but notice his focus, his concentration. Yes, the rolls are not evenly sized. I think that would come in time. Children can do more than many think they can or should. People often do not know how to deal with the messes. My daughter has a friend who was never allowed to cook because the kitchen would get messed up. Can't have that! She has struggled to cook as an adult.



Only memory I have of my grsndmother was me at 4 stnding in a chsir washing dishes.
Mr copy is back! so have to go slowe.
 
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We were expecting teenagers, we ended up with people in their 20's and even 30's. They all seemed horrified when we took them to the motorpool to have them actually perform some of these tasks. Watching a nervous 30 year old male with a man bun cringe as he attaches jumper cables gives me less hope for the future.

We live in an there's an app for that world.

Geez, my Dad taught me how to change a tire, hook up cables and many other things. First time I changed a tire on my own, I think I was about 10 years old. Oh, and I didn't and still don't have a man bun...............lolz.
 
We live in an there's an app for that world.

Geez, my Dad taught me how to change a tire, hook up cables and many other things. First time I changed a tire on my own, I think I was about 10 years old. Oh, and I didn't and still don't have a man bun...............lolz.

Are you female?
 
We live in an there's an app for that world.

Geez, my Dad taught me how to change a tire, hook up cables and many other things. First time I changed a tire on my own, I think I was about 10 years old. Oh, and I didn't and still don't have a man bun...............lolz.

I grew up the same way my kids are. Cooking, cleaning, sewing, doing my own laundry, mowing the law, raking leaves, shoveling snow, scraping ice, painting fences, picking weeds, exercising dogs, cleaning up dog poop, etc., etc. When I wanted to learn how to drive I had to first learn how to change a tire, use jumper cables, check oil, etc. When I wanted to learn how to shoot I had to learned all about gun safety, how to clean a gun, how to maintain a gun, etc.
 
I grew up the same way my kids are. Cooking, cleaning, sewing, doing my own laundry, mowing the law, raking leaves, shoveling snow, scraping ice, painting fences, picking weeds, exercising dogs, cleaning up dog poop, etc., etc. When I wanted to learn how to drive I had to first learn how to change a tire, use jumper cables, check oil, etc. When I wanted to learn how to shoot I had to learned all about gun safety, how to clean a gun, how to maintain a gun, etc.
That is a life that prepares you to be independent and self sufficient.
 
That is a life that prepares you to be independent and self sufficient.

Truth.

Plus I never got an allowance, and neither do my kids. They have chores (which we call obligations) and then they have part time jobs (which we call opportunities). Chores are daily or weekly tasks expected of them to repay us for letting them live in our house, eat our food, wear clothes we buy, etc. If they want money they can go to the income opportunities list, accept a paid assignment by initialing it, do the work by the expected completion date, have it inspected by a parental unit, and get paid whatever the tasks said it was worth. Establishes work ethic and a sense of self-worth.
 
Truth.

Plus I never got an allowance, and neither do my kids. They have chores (which we call obligations) and then they have part time jobs (which we call opportunities). Chores are daily or weekly tasks expected of them to repay us for letting them live in our house, eat our food, wear clothes we buy, etc. If they want money they can go to the income opportunities list, accept a paid assignment by initialing it, do the work by the expected completion date, have it inspected by a parental unit, and get paid whatever the tasks said it was worth. Establishes work ethic and a sense of self-worth.

This is what built the greatist nation on earth.
 
We live in an there's an app for that world.

Geez, my Dad taught me how to change a tire, hook up cables and many other things. First time I changed a tire on my own, I think I was about 10 years old. Oh, and I didn't and still don't have a man bun...............lolz.
Ooh, you gave me an idea! I may have enough hair left on the back and sides to grow it long enough for a bun. With no hair on top, that would make a statement!
 
I grew up the same way my kids are. Cooking, cleaning, sewing, doing my own laundry, mowing the law, raking leaves, shoveling snow, scraping ice, painting fences, picking weeds, exercising dogs, cleaning up dog poop, etc., etc. When I wanted to learn how to drive I had to first learn how to change a tire, use jumper cables, check oil, etc. When I wanted to learn how to shoot I had to learned all about gun safety, how to clean a gun, how to maintain a gun, etc.

I did all of that except sewing.
 
I had a job at eight year, a leave home go into town & got money at the end of the week job.
I watched my mother make pancakes every Saturday, one Saturday mourning I got up & fixed breakfast for all eight people in the house.
I tried to pass much of this on to my children.
Thirty & thirty five year old men are asking my son how does he know so much about 401K plans & IRA.
How he has worked as a electrician only four years to their ten & knows more then they do.
Why he not marred & divorced, has not been in jail or prison.
Guys his age & younger, can not cook instant food in a microwave.
He goes to the store with a whole meal in mind, not just what is quick & easy.
I was hard on him as a teen, but tried to make the work fun & made sure he had fun in BSA.
I pushed him to be better then I was, told him my job was to make him better, to tell him all my mistakes, so he would not have to learn the hard way.
I am not the greatest guy in the world & I am still amazed that my children turned out as good as they did.
But I would hang myself, if I fathered some of the kids I meet or some of the people I know children.
 
I met a man last week who really wanted to try moringa but couldn't stand the taste. I told him I put in capsules and take it that way. He said he simply will not take pills. He tells all his Drs that his meds have to be liquid because he will NOT take a shot either.
 
I met a man last week who really wanted to try moringa but couldn't stand the taste. I told him I put in capsules and take it that way. He said he simply will not take pills. He tells all his Drs that his meds have to be liquid because he will NOT take a shot either.
He could put moringa into a smoothie. Or he could suck it up and take some capsules of it. Kind of immature.
 
I tell the twins that I only have 3 and a half years left to teach them to be adults and to do for themselves. Mostly I tell grandson this. I tell them there's no hand holding and they better pay attention. This weekend's discussion was debt and credit cards. Grandson is more worrisome than granddaughter. I refuse to do for them what they can do for themselves. It amazes me how their friends never have any chores, and not much is expected from them. I was happy to hear the neighbor girls have chores. The twins have an hour each of chores after school, but first they go on a mandatory mile run. Weekends are two hours of chores and a two mile run. They are 14, but also have plenty of fun. I worry because they had such poor examples from birth to age 9 when they came to live with us. Druggie mom, sister, grandma, 3 generations of welfare, long rap sheets. Husband starts pulmonary rehab in the evenings, 2 nights during the week, so he just wants a smoothie when he gets home. Told the twins that's a perfect time to start learning how to cook new things. They can do the basic mac and cheese (boxed), chili and hotdogs, burritos. We'll be using Tues and Thurs nights to learn something a little more difficult. Tomorrow night's cooking lesson is spaghetti and salad. Will be showing them how to add dehydrated veggies to the sauce. Thursday is chicken and rice.
 
When my "teddy bear" got torn or one of the seams let go I sewed it up. The only stitch I knew was a sail stitch - I don't remember anyone teaching it to me I just figured it out. I remember my mom giving me her old nylons for stuffing when he got too skinny.
We cleaned the house, our rooms, and did the yard work.
I took apart wind-up toys and fixed them before I was old enough to go to school school.
I did family dishes when I was eight and cooked for the family at ten.
Mom usually did the laundry but I learned how to do laundry the old fashioned way while backpacking in the cascade wilderness.
When I moved out on my own I was ready. I had learned to take care of my car and fix the plumbing, more importantly I knew I could learn to do anything.
When I got married I had to teach my wife to cook.
I made sure my kids knew how to live on their own before they needed it.
 
I tell the twins that I only have 3 and a half years left to teach them to be adults and to do for themselves. Mostly I tell grandson this. I tell them there's no hand holding and they better pay attention. This weekend's discussion was debt and credit cards. Grandson is more worrisome than granddaughter. I refuse to do for them what they can do for themselves. It amazes me how their friends never have any chores, and not much is expected from them. I was happy to hear the neighbor girls have chores. The twins have an hour each of chores after school, but first they go on a mandatory mile run. Weekends are two hours of chores and a two mile run. They are 14, but also have plenty of fun. I worry because they had such poor examples from birth to age 9 when they came to live with us. Druggie mom, sister, grandma, 3 generations of welfare, long rap sheets. Husband starts pulmonary rehab in the evenings, 2 nights during the week, so he just wants a smoothie when he gets home. Told the twins that's a perfect time to start learning how to cook new things. They can do the basic mac and cheese (boxed), chili and hotdogs, burritos. We'll be using Tues and Thurs nights to learn something a little more difficult. Tomorrow night's cooking lesson is spaghetti and salad. Will be showing them how to add dehydrated veggies to the sauce. Thursday is chicken and rice.

When they teach their children they will talk about you: what you did, what you said, how you did it.
When they are old, you will be in the center of the happy time, they remember.
It would be good to write some of this down, in a cook book or some other form that will be theirs after you go to your reward.
 
Good idea. They already think I'm nuts, but they put up with me. I gave my daughters a recipe box for Christmas one year and wrote out all of their favorite recipes on cards and put them in their box. It took awhile, but they loved it. It'll be a challenge getting our younger (8) granddaughter full time. She says there is no God and people were made from stardust. She is extremely pc coming from California. Doesn't do anything for herself. It'll take time.
 

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