Reaching financial and household goals.

Homesteading & Country Living Forum

Help Support Homesteading & Country Living Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
Sewingcreations15 said:
@The Lazy L is there somewhere local where you wife can go for a financial management/councelling course ?...
Click to expand...

A person can confront a problem to resolve or pretend the problem doesn't exist. Wife chooses the "pretend" route. She will not get counseling for a problem that in her mind she has refused to acknowledge its existence.
 
The Lazy L said:
A person can confront a problem to resolve or pretend the problem doesn't exist. Wife chooses the "pretend" route. She will not get counseling for a problem that in her mind she has refused to acknowledge its existence.
Click to expand...
Debt is something that some people see as a way of life,no problem.

Two couples I have known. Both bought condo's as investment property.

First couple, the wife wants no equity in it and wants to keep all the money out of the place for lifestyle, travel and whatever she wants. Last I knew, one of their sons was renting the place. First couple lives in a newer home.

Second couple, have savings and paid off the condo so they would have no debt. Second couple have two grown children. Daughter lives in the condo, and is responsible for taxes, insurance and other financial aspects of the condo. Daughter is in her first year of law school, full ride for school expenses. Daughter has a roommate whose rent pays for the expenses she is responsible for. Second couple lives in a home of around 1000 sq feet, built in the early 1960's. It still has the original kitchen cabinets, etc. They have always lived frugally.

My home was built around 1890. I have a neighbor whose 3 story home with a carriage house was purchased for $500,000 in 2004. For 6 months, the house was worked on, re-doing, upgrading, rebuilding, remodeling. He took out a line of credit to do the remodel. He almost lost the house in 2007. He had encouraged me to get a line of credit and to get a thorough remodel. Nope. When his house was for sale previously, for $165,000, my daughter desperately wanted me to buy it. Nope. No way do I need or want 3500 square feet. The house was once divided into 7 units. I could have taken in all kinds of renters, but that is always a crap shoot. Too much house to maintain, heat, clean and pay taxes on.
 
Before we were married my wife was of the 'debt is part of life' crowd. As we dated for years before getting married she knew my feelings on the subject and made an effort to clear her debt before our marriage. This effort continued after the wedding until we were debt free. When we bought our first new car together she was all excited driving off the lot, "I never thought I'd pay cash for a new car." I responded,"When we got married did you really think that you'd be driving the same car for the rest of your life?" "Oh, I forgot who I was married to." I didn't look in the mirror but I'm guessing that I had a smug look on my face.
 
Its essentially a gambling problem. My ex was that sort. He would buy things - sometimes multiples, and they would remain in the box unused because it wasn’t anything he needed in the first place. During process of divorce, I found out he had 6 credit cards I didn’t know about (as well as girlfriends) and would order art pieces from galleries and have them shipped to his office etc. All that debt was counted as joint debt at the time of divorce. To my knowledge he is responsible for 3 bankruptcies. I have never claimed bankruptcy and now have savings.
If I had to advise, (please disregard at will) I would say figure out how to protect yourself. Visit with a lawyer. Allow her an allowance if you are so inclined, but shield yourself from her financial decisions. I know I’m new here, but the tone of your original post made me sad. I wasn’t going to reply, but I wish someone would have at least offered the advice when I was in the situation.
 
LadyLocust said:
Its essentially a gambling problem. My ex was that sort. He would buy things - sometimes multiples, and they would remain in the box unused because it wasn’t anything he needed in the first place. During process of divorce, I found out he had 6 credit cards I didn’t know about (as well as girlfriends) and would order art pieces from galleries and have them shipped to his office etc. All that debt was counted as joint debt at the time of divorce. To my knowledge he is responsible for 3 bankruptcies. I have never claimed bankruptcy and now have savings.
If I had to advise, (please disregard at will) I would say figure out how to protect yourself. Visit with a lawyer. Allow her an allowance if you are so inclined, but shield yourself from her financial decisions. I know I’m new here, but the tone of your original post made me sad. I wasn’t going to reply, but I wish someone would have at least offered the advice when I was in the situation.
Click to expand...
It is not uncommon in a marriage for one person to be the spendthrift and the other person holding on tight to the money. Money is the number one cause of divorce. I am sure cheating is way up there. Cheating about money and how much you spend behind your spouses back is a good way for there to be no trust in a relationship.

I know a couple who ended up in divorce court. He cheated, lied, and bought multiples of things that he did not need. I believe he had 30 watches. He thought, if he spent money on CC, she would be responsible for half of his debt. At one time, he had built up close to $100,000 in CC debt, without her knowledge. He also kept refinancing the house, without her knowledge, forging her signature, taking out any cash he could to apply to his debts. Somehow, she ended up with one of the best divorce lawyers, who did the divorce for her pro-bono, and the debt was all given to the ex-husband. He had many secrets. He had been fired more than once due to sexual harassment at work. He got up in the morning, got dressed in his suit and tie, left the house, went to a local coffee shop, and hung out until the family was gone for the day. Some days, he would go shopping to help himself feel better. Then he went home. He always got the mail and hid it. One day, he decided to leave and move in with his current girlfriend, now wife. He packed up what was important to him, and forgot about all the boxes of lies in the garage and basement. When the wife was cleaning out, getting ready to sell the house, she found his b.s. Since he has a not good track record, he cannot get a job. New wife is paying off all the debt he brought to the marriage.
 
LadyLocust said:
@Weedygarden Wow! I wasn’t that lucky. But good for her!!!
Click to expand...
She is disabled, due to an on the job injury and one evening, during the evening news, there was a special for legal help. I don't know all the details. She called and somehow ended up with such luck. Her ex kept trying to not divorce, so he could keep shopping and thinking she was going to be responsible. He kept trying to control finances. I don't understand how the new girlfriend tolerated it. I imagine he has told all kinds of lies about wife, but not about what a hard worker she was. The ex-wife and I worked in the same field of interest. I do know the husband is quite narcissistic. He would take turns picking on the children at the dinner table. The daughter was his prime target, the scapegoat. The daughter has a really hard time with relationships. Because of the wife's disability, an injury she got shortly before he left, he was supposed to pay maintenance, but he claims he is not working, can't get work. The wife wanted to do teacher training. Her father sent her $5,000 for the course she wanted to do. Husband decided she should give it to him, because he wanted it. Wife did not hand over the money, and husband was not happy. That training allowed an excellent income for the family for years, until the injury.
 
Wow @LadyLocust the laws in the States are harsh then if the other half has to pay the debt when they didn't even 1/ cause the debt or 2/ have their name on the debt or credit card.

Here in Australia you are not jointly and severally liable for your husbands debts if your name is not on the credit card, mortgage etc. A lot of people do not realise this and pay for their husbands debts once separated. I was married before and had a husband who did similarly to yours @LadyLocust and a few of the companies he had debts with tried to get payment out off me. I simply told them I knew my legal rights and as my name was not on the debt I was not jointly and severally liable to pay them and wouldn't and didn't.

Similar laws should be brought out in the States to protect the innocent spouse/partner who a lot of the times has no idea what is going on and was not signed by name to the debt concerned.
 
Last edited:
@LadyLocust I had a steep learning curve too, one in which I don't want a repeat of. Current and always DH and I are both very financially savvy and are allergic to debt of any kind. I am sorry to hear you went through that it is very worrying.

Maybe anyone who has a spouse with a tendency for debt should quickly move to a state with similar laws to Australia.
 
A friend of mine married a gal known for her lying. she spent them into the poorhouse. She opened credit cards he wasn't aware of and just generally spent money like it was going out of style. He put her through college and shortly after she got her teaching degree everything came to a head.

He had come over to my home to commiserate about her filing for divorce and his finding out that not only was there no money in the bank, a big surprise, but there was well over twenty odd thousand in credit card debt that he had been unaware of. Now he had to hire an attorney and he didn't have the proverbial pot or window. He had a couple of cars with clear titles and was going to try to find a buyer for one. He was not trying to sell me the car nor ask for money. I started thinking. My car was in less than ideal shape so having a spare on hand wouldn't hurt. Getting the car out of his ownership would reduce the assets to split up. I like to say that I divorced her two years before he did so getting her out of his life seemed in my interest. I didn't say anything, I just got up, left the room and went into the office, opened the safe, and took out the cash. He had no idea what was going on until I started counting out the cash and said, "Get me the title." It is the only time I have dipped into the emergency fund for someone else.
 
Sewingcreations15 said:
@LadyLocust I had a steep learning curve too, one in which I don't want a repeat of. Current and always DH and I are both very financially savvy and are allergic to debt of any kind. I am sorry to hear you went through that it is very worrying.

Maybe anyone who has a spouse with a tendency for debt should quickly move to a state with similar laws to Australia.
Click to expand...
Another story about a former colleague. Woman was married and a teacher. Her husband was quite the player. They had two children. I am missing some details, but she ended up getting a second job, teaching in the evenings. I have no idea how she did that. She was too busy to pay attention. Husband evidently didn't have a job, but she had two. After the fact, a neighbor told her that he often got all dressed up and went out to lunch. They lived on the east coast, maybe Pennsylvania. Husband figured out if they lived in Florida, he could get a divorce, get almost everything and leave her the debts. I know I am missing some of the details. It just doesn't seem right. Wife ended up with really bad credit. Husband got the new, big, pickup and married one of the girlfriends.
 
We have a friend also who's husband passed away recently. He did all of the finances and she took no interest in them and was simply told you will be well looked after when I go.

The facts were very different as he had a credit card which he got her and him to sign up for and spent $20 000 on and left her in debt which she had to pay for once he was gone on a pension.

I am going to say here regardless of who is handling the finances in your home to be proactive and be involved in them and at least know what is going on. Unfortunately there is many partners/spouses who choose financial deception and the other partner is not even aware of what they are up to too.

As @The Lazy L says always have an open line of communication with your finances with your respective partners/spouses so both of you know what is going on. In our home we regularly have financial discussions, round tables on how to cut down expenses, how much is in the bank account, where the list is of things that need to be paid should the other get sick and one have to take over and discussions future goals of purchases/property maintenance and things we are saving for. I understand we are extremely blessed to have such open lines of communication in our home and are both on the same page financially as it is very obvious to us that this is not usual having talked to others.
 
The only debt I have is new to me Fiat.
One I didn't have to have a co signer with.
One I can afford the payments, insurance, maintance on.
Have a bit of money in savings, working on building that back up.
Only have monthly bills:
Rent, electric, laundry, car payment regular amount, then later in month extra payment on principle, car insurance.
Buy meat bundle every three months, buy bulk canned goods every 5 months.
Sons are either married or about to move in with girlfriend. But his daughter's needs come first.
I live below my means, don't eat out often if at all.
 
Sewingcreations15 said:
You are really frugal @MoBookworm1957 and do well on your income. I am impressed you only buy tinned goods once every 5 months.

We are also not on a high income so we have to be careful what we spend our money on and also live well below our means.
Click to expand...
I can do this because normal can of vegetables is 15.5 ounces. I might eat 1/3 of a can per meal.
Everything left over on Friday night gets tossed into soup pot on Saturday morning to make food budget last longer.
Roast will be roast one night, stew in day or two, maybe potpie, but usually soup pot.
Leftover soup is water bath into pint jars for future meals.
Just the way I was raised, depression era mindset.
 
Similar to the way we eat here too @MoBookworm1957 because there is very little if any waste in our household either. A roast chicken will last us 4 - 5 meals usually 1 as a dinner with steamed veges, 2 lunches, a chicken pie and if we are really frugal a stir fry with vegetables. We don't eat a lot of meat but do eat a ton of vegetables and beans we have blanched and frozen from our gardens.
 
I buy roasts that are larger than we need. I will first cut steaks off the roast. That way we have good steaks. Then the roast is cut small enough for dinner. After dinner I can slice it thin for roast beef sandwiches or hot roast beef sandwiches. With what is left I can make soup, stew, pot pie or roll-ups. I grind the trimmings for use in chili so none of it goes to waste. The stock can be frozen, canned or made into gravy and the surplus canned. Any fat I trim off is saved for the local crow population. It is necessary in their diet and I like the crows.
 
Was in a bad mess of debt about 5 years ago. Had to borrow from 401K just to get to where progress could be made against debt on a monthly basis. Here were my steps to get back into control:
Step 1 - kill all expenses that were not needed
Step 2 - called all services such as security, internet, etc. and asked for deals to cut costs and most actually gave $10 or more off a month with out any fuss
Step 3 - made a spreadsheet that extended out 3 years and put in entries of every last expense that was recurring (cars, insurance, mortgage, credit cards)
Step 4 - added weekly allowances for food, fuel, cash on hand and most importantly savings
Step 5 - calculated yearly expenses down to a weekly expense and created a savings account and budget amount for that each week
Step 6 - created a health savings account and put an amount to reach as a yearly goal with the ultimate goal to be max out of pocket hospital coverage
Step 7 - created a "fun" savings account for vacations or wants
Step 8 - created a tax and insurance savings account
Step 9 - put all of the savings amounts onto the budget for each week
Step 10 - maintain the budget spreadsheet and balance it with the bank daily

Once this was all built out, I could change the savings amounts and see what the effect would be 3 years out as well as any other changes in the weekly budget.

5 years later ... House paid off, bought and paid off the farm land, cash on hand to build house now being built, zero debt and savings to handle most anything that could normally come up. It was TIGHT for the first 6 months but amazingly it got better and better as savings built and "emergencies" never affected out budget anymore.
 
I'm a little lost on my household goals at the minute. The only thing I can guarantee I'll do this year is plant more veg.
My car is 2007, and although I love it and it's fuel-efficient- the day will come, possibly this March when it won't pass the MOT because of emissions or something I can't fix, or it will cost more than the car is worth to get fixed. So, at the moment, I'm saving every penny in case I have to get a different one. On the good side we own the house and have no debt. I have some major works to do thanks to new gov rules, such as upgrade my septic tank. It's fine for the moment, but I can't kick the can forever and it will cost about 10k. If I go ahead with my Masters in sept that will cost me 4k over two years.
I'd also like another polytunnel, to get more animals, and put in solar panels.
But! The other thing I've been thinking on is the maintenance this place takes- it's fine at the minute, but eventually, my husband and I won't be able for it. Two of mine will probably not move out- one has a minor disability and the house has always sort of been for him. But I'm wondering is it fair to lumber him with such an undertaking and in a rural area. On the other hand, we've put so much into it- and it's all the kids have ever known. I grew up moving a lot so when I had a family I swore I wouldn't do it to them. I probably should have, in hindsight! Shook them up a little, lol. But if I sold it, there are things, like the septic tank, I'd probably have to bring up to code. And there is nothing to say we would get a one-story, suitable for retirement, in the area I would want.
So, these are the considerations I'm pondering at the minute. Chances are I'll still be thinking about them in ten years' time!
 
We have always done things different from most people. We had a pretty large income when we were both working but lived in a lower middle class house I would call it and never bought a new vehicle. I shopped for kids clothes at the thrift store and walmart, and we didn't go out to eat much. We were mortgage and debt free in our late 30s. The only luxuries we had were our trips. We traveled a lot and spent money on ski trips and overseas travel. Our kids had gone places many adults in the US haven't been to.
We quit our jobs around age 50 and bought this farm with cash. Now we are living off what's left of our savings until we get social security. Well, husband gets a small pension now too, just started last year.
I am slowly cashing in my 401k early. We don't have to yet, but I figured it will be cheaper to pay the 10% fine for early cashing in than the taxes we would pay if I cash it in after we get social security. Husbands 401k we are leaving alone for now, for emergencies.
Additional problem we have now is we cannot have income above the poverty line, or we will lose our health insurance. This is not a problem we can live on that, until we have vehicle problems. That;s my biggest scare, having to buy a new truck for the farm....
We have 1 more year of supporting our son until he is done with college, but he is getting financial aid for some of it now.
I don't mean to brag but I have always been good with money. I don't waste it on unimportant things. Or at least try not too.
 
sonya123 said:
We have always done things different from most people. We had a pretty large income when we were both working but lived in a lower middle class house I would call it and never bought a new vehicle. I shopped for kids clothes at the thrift store and walmart, and we didn't go out to eat much. We were mortgage and debt free in our late 30s. The only luxuries we had were our trips. We traveled a lot and spent money on ski trips and overseas travel. Our kids had gone places many adults in the US haven't been to.
We quit our jobs around age 50 and bought this farm with cash. Now we are living off what's left of our savings until we get social security. Well, husband gets a small pension now too, just started last year.
I am slowly cashing in my 401k early. We don't have to yet, but I figured it will be cheaper to pay the 10% fine for early cashing in than the taxes we would pay if I cash it in after we get social security. Husbands 401k we are leaving alone for now, for emergencies.
Additional problem we have now is we cannot have income above the poverty line, or we will lose our health insurance. This is not a problem we can live on that, until we have vehicle problems. That;s my biggest scare, having to buy a new truck for the farm....
We have 1 more year of supporting our son until he is done with college, but he is getting financial aid for some of it now.
I don't mean to brag but I have always been good with money. I don't waste it on unimportant things. Or at least try not too.
Click to expand...
Most people's money problems, no matter how much they have, is because they waste it!! You are smart with your money and it is paying off!
 
I'm allergic to debt. I do not like the stress of having large bill's, so I dont incur them if not needed.
I've been debt free for about 10 years and it is such a lifted weight. When I moved out here I could have bought a nicer place, but I'd be right back into a morgage. I had ideas of building my own little cabin or something, but that's still not done. I still have other options and I'll figure it out but I'm still committed to being as debt free as possible.
I do need to replace my truck soon..so I might have to take on that. I am confident I can pay it off fast .
There is no way I would tolerate a boyfriend or spouse who wasnt able to be financially responsible at this point in my life.
It would drive me insane .
I've worked hard for what I have and have ended or not even started potential suitors who dont share the same financial values and goals.
 
The wife and I are both on our second marriage, for both of us the first marriage wiped us out... When we got married (both over 30) I was working minimum wage and the wife was a bookkeeper earning a little better. We sat down and looked at our situation and realized that I needed to improve my education to get a higher paying job.. So we made a plan and started out, that was 35 years ago. I completed college (2 degrees) and got the better paying jobs, but had student loan debts and we had children (they are very expensive). 29 years ago the wife became disabled, so we became a single earner household.

It has been a long slow go and we are approaching the end of my working days. 17 years ago I got a job with a company that had 5% matching for retirement accounts and I have been putting as much as I could afford into it. Each time I got a raise, I would look at the first paycheck after the raise and add that to what I was contributing to my retirement account. I figured that if I was able to pay my bills with what I was earning why not save it before I get used to spending it..... We went 14 years without me ever "taking home" a raise. Now we are playing the end game... I have money in the retirement account, but I have a mortgage... I can't retire with a mortgage, so each year I am taking a little out of the retirement account (not enough to put me into a different tax bracket) to pay down the principle on the mortgage. I still contribute to the retirement account so I get the employer matching and I hope to have the house paid off by the end of this year. I don't carry cash but use credit cards to pay for most of my purchases (I like points for hunting gear). I payoff my credit cards each month so I do not pay interest on them. The company has really good medical insurance and I think I will try to work for 3 or 4 more years to keep the insurance for the wife as long as I can... I have always worked, even while I was in college, but to be honest I don't know if my body will let me keep up the pace, but it would be nice to sit back and say I worked for over 50 years so it's okay to take a break...

For cars are just tools, they haul things and get you where you need to be. We have always bought good used cars (let the other guy pay for the new smell) and drive them as long as we can.

I have been truly blessed, the wife and I made a plan over 30 years ago and we have stayed on it, circumstances change but we have stayed the course...
 
Last edited:
UrbanHunter said:
For cars are just tools, they haul things and get you where you need to be. We have always bought good used cars (let the other guy pay for the new smell) and drive them as long as we can.
Click to expand...
Absolutely! Last fairly new vehicle I bought when we were still in Florida I paid around $10000 for a 2 year old Yukon XL with about 30k miles on it , but I did have a decent trade in also ( a fairly new pickup I just didn't like driving )

Transportation is the biggest item of expense over a lifetime in the US. I calculated it out once. Even if you buy used, you still have to replace them , plus gas, taxes, insurance and maintenance. A house you can buy once, and live in it your whole life. We bought our house in Florida for 70k, put in another 40k of remodel and sold it for almost $300k
A vehicle only looses value always

Going out to eat is my other pet peeve: even long before covid and inflation, we would occasionally go out to eat in Florida. For a family of 4, even at a non expensive restaurant like Vietnamese it ended up costing around $50. At that time I could easy feed my family with that all week. So $50 going out to eat once a week is $200 a month is $2400 a year is $24000 in 10 years, enough to buy a decent used SUV.....( at the time)

Problem now is there ARE No decent used vehicles because of Covid and inflation
 
While I was close to paying off my mortgage, my investments had shot up, really grown. I took a piece of my investments and paid off my mortgage. Investments, like they always do, went down over the last couple of years. I am so glad I've paid off my mortgage with the rise in the cost of so many things.
I do still do my dog, pet and house sitting gigs. That money is a savings account for me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Back
Top