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robin416

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OK, I'll admit it, we don't have a will, today that is. We've lived in many states and somewhere along the line I knew that if one spouse died before the other all properties went to the surviving spouse. We even lived in one where we could hand write our wills and be done with it.

Hubs is ill and has been repeating over and over we need a will. OK, sure, add another thing to my to do list. I looked up this state's laws when dying intestate and found that one half goes to the surviving spouse and the other goes to the children. Oops. That won't work.

So, tomorrow we are off to the lawyer to have a simple will drawn up leaving everything to each other. The surviving spouse can then do the final will to sort out who gets what when that surviving spouse is gone.
 
My wife and I each have a will, living wills, power of attorney, child custody arrangements (if we both pass on at the same time) and a host of other legal documents. We even had every account, title and deed changed so both of our names were present (sometimes with an an "and" sometimes with an "or"). Seems like there was some other legal stuff we set up too, just in case. There was a time that we didn't and it made us both very nervous. Then a family of 5 in town lost both parents in a car accident. So we sat down right away with our family lawyer and got it all on paper.
 
Strong believer that everyone should have a will along with instructions such a do not ressecitate etc in a living will. Families can get very strained even with a well done will and it can be far worse without one.

I know of two ladies who each wanted one of their mothers rings upon her death. Last total I heard was the legal bill for the one sister was nearly $35,000 so we can assume the other is likely the same. The value of the ring? Nearly $1500 ... so each has spent more than $30,000 above the value of the ring.

I know another lady who for years said if she were to fall to ill did not want to be brought back. They found her unconscious, starving, covered in her own feces with a broken hip. She had never put her instructions in writing. The hospital did the only thing they could do, brought her back and replaced her hip. She is now a miserable woman in an institutional style nursing home.

Keep it up to date, often lives, families and circumstances change. I know another woman eho left her entire estate to an animal shelter after a family spat. Things were reconciled and she often spoke of regretting that decision made in anger and her intention to change it. Two years later she died without having ever gotten around to it. The animal shelter got the entirety of her not insubstantial estate.
 
I've got a power or attorney for him, I need a medical power of attorney due to his medical issues. I was surprised to find out that he could refuse to go to the hospital if/when he does he's not mentally cognizant and it could cost him some serious additional problems if that happens. Most of our stuff is in both of our names, well all of our other stuff is in both names.
 
I am the executor of my parents estate. First, never,ever agree to do this. Second insist that a will be in order and up to date. Third insist that every heir put in writing what they want from the estate and have the parent agree or decide who will get, what in writing and in the will. Fourth do not agree to get involved in this process. The my estate distribution process will take 15 years, and I get to deal with this process every quarter as I send out the distribution checks. Now can you guess how many thank you's I have gotten from the other heirs, yea you got it, none. but if I ever send them their checks late, I will hear form every last one of them. Last but not least, update your wills and make sure your executor is very thick skinned.
 
I am the executor of my Mom & Dad's estate, but their will is very specific and my siblings and I are a very unemotional and cooperative bunch. My father in law however is still estranged from his siblings after his parents passed away some 30 years ago. His siblings started bickering over money and started hiring lawyers. He surrendered his entire inheritance and walked away never to return. As the good book says "the love of money is the root of all evil".
 
I keep procrastinating because I am young. I am only 38. My cpa and my financial guy have been bugging me for a few years now. I am not wealthy but I have done ok and own several rental homes two construction companies and a bunch if junk. I never really worry because I like to think my family is fair but then in the back of my head I know what money does to people. I guess I need to start looking into it again. See what you made me do?
 
My brother and I are co-executors for my mother's estate. We both have financial power of attorney, as well as durable health care power of attorney. I am the oldest and he is the youngest of all of our siblings, and the sibs do not get along. My mom is pretty smart, though. She not only has a very specific will, she also has a notebook with a list of everything she has and who she wants to have it. She has also been giving us family heirlooms over the years- she says she would rather be able to see us enjoying the items than to keep them til she's gone. She had both of us meet with her and her lawyer to be sure we would have access to any specific paperwork for insurance, etc. Her gravesite is already paid for, as is her funeral expense, and all we need to do is (as she puts it) "plant her and have the dates engraved" on the stone. She also has a pretty extensive advance directive where she spells out exactly what she does and does not want. I really appreciate her diligence in getting things together so well. Of course, she is only 84 and is still pretty healthy, so hopefully it will be many years before my brother and I need to worry about this.

I can't emphasize enough how important it is for people to execute an advance directive. As a nurse, too often I see people who are at death's door and families are pressed to make literally life and death decisions while under extreme mental duress.
 
My grandparents did about the same, everything is set and paid for. Grandma passed a little over a year ago at 92 and grandpa still rides a motorcycle at 90. Both have strict orders to do what a doctor can but not to live on machines. I font think grandpa will ever die. He is still the president of a few clubs and gets out way more than I do.
 
While wills are important, I really feel that parents should distribute things that they really want their children to have while they are still living, if they don't need them for themselves.
 
We had a will drawn up several years ago. We need to go have it updated. Like Robin, my hubs has medical issues. We need to have an Advance Directive notarized and other end of life things in place. One never knows regardless if one or the other is ill who will go first.
 
While wills are important, I really feel that parents should distribute things that they really want their children to have while they are still living, if they don't need them for themselves.

My parents just moved a few months back and things were distributed. They didn't want to haul a bunch of stuff they didn't need, so anyone who wanted anything came and helped with the garage sale and took what they wanted. The rest was sold or given to charity. After 50+ years of marriage, the amount of stuff that they managed to accumulate over the years was astounding! At least I know where I get it from.:p

I have a copy of their will and of the in-laws wills in the gun safe....right next to our will. Hmmmm.....kinda morbid eh?:(
 
My parents just moved a few months back and things were distributed. They didn't want to haul a bunch of stuff they didn't need, so anyone who wanted anything came and helped with the garage sale and took what they wanted. The rest was sold or given to charity. After 50+ years of marriage, the amount of stuff that they managed to accumulate over the years was astounding! At least I know where I get it from.:p

I have a copy of their will and of the in-laws wills in the gun safe....right next to our will. Hmmmm.....kinda morbid eh?:(

Not really morbid. For me, it's a little peace just knowing "things" are taken care of during a very stressful timer. Unless you've lived through an untimely or unexpected death of a loved one ( I have done both) and seen the strife and discord it can bring, the understanding may not be there. My family even after almost 30 years is still sadly has some issues at the loss of our parents.
 
Mom was the Executor for her Uncle. Talk about a family feud! Feud calmed down and mom became her siblings best friend...AFTER mom found the records showing that all of her siblings had unpaid debts with the Uncle.

My parents have a will. I'm the Executor (which we discovered on dad's death) which made my older siblings upset a little. I'm the youngest and they thought one of the older should have been named instead. I am the only male so I'm guessing that's why I am named. I believe I am also the more finical responsible (very conservative).

All of our accounts, property and real estate is in "and/or" both of our names. 30 years ago our church had a Lawyer estate planner do a one on one with all that was interested. We had him draw up our will naming a trusted Financial Institution as the Executor. Everything we have will be sold. 10% give to the church that we are members at the time of our death and the balance divided evenly between our children. Come to think of it we never signed or had the will notarized....:eyeballs:
 
Here is a story of some good friends of our. This is my wife's friend and get family. Aunt and uncle are extremely wealthy probably worth at least a few million. Uncle dies years ago so aunt is alone. Her health is going downhill and all of the family ignores her because she really is a not friendly person. My wife's friend quits her job to move in with aunt and help her out. A month later aunt dies and leaves everything to her and her alone. Aunt had a few kids of her own and family everywhere. The entire family now hates my wife's friend. Wife's friend has been nothing but great to her own family and spent about a million helping out her family but they still see her as greedy just because everything was left to her. It amazes me how family can be.
 
My Dad lost his only surviving brother 5-6 years ago. He was a gunsmith and gun collector who never married and had no children. He did of course have a brother and several nieces and nephews. My Dad was named executor. After he passed my Dad discovered that one of my cousins who had come to visit my uncle regularly (as did we all) would talk my uncle into giving him another gun with each and every visit. Over a couple year span as his health declined my cousin took over 60 guns. Then after my uncle passed he had the gall to ask for "his fair share" of the guns that remained. Even worse (for me) was watching as my cousins went through his house hunting and pecking for keepsakes and things they wanted. Sometimes debating how this item or that item was more personal to them. I just gathered up my family and left with nothing. My Dad called me and told me that he had set aside several firearms for me because he knew that my Uncle wanted me to have them. Those same cousins then hounded my Dad waiting for their "share" of the estate. When I received my check I donated a portion in my Uncles name and then divided the rest into my children's Roth IRA's.
 
It's appalling how a death can bring the worst out in some people. None of my sibs or myself have spoken to one sis since our mother's death. It was just too draining to deal with her.

But there is the positive side too on how it can bring the best out of many of the family.
 
But there is the positive side too on how it can bring the best out of many of the family.

That is very true. My boss was actually estranged from his siblings until their mother died. It brought them all back together.
 
My wife has 2 sister's. When thier mom died the youngest was there yelling mine, mine, mine. My wife grabbed a box of 60 watt bulbs that we needed and a plant stand outside. I am not sure she or the other sister spoke to the greedy sibling again. Rumor has it she stuck it all on a storage and lost it because she didn't keep up the payment. That sounds about right.

20 years ago my wife and I took a motorcycle ride to the beach " LA". After that trip we did have a will with advanced directives made up.
 
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