Wow, diesel minnows
Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
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Seems like a popular way to get that nickname...
(and no, I don't want to talk about it...)
A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
Jim
Jim
You know, deep down inside, we all wanted to do this:
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That must be one of them there Gretta cows.
I'm not a licensed electrician, but I think something's wrong with this ceiling fan...
I wanna see it in the dark with the lights on!
I'm with Sentry, I want to see it lit up. That has to be a joke.
I helped my BIL install a ceiling fan. He was a master at Jerry rigging as we called it because his name was Jerry.
He stripped the insulation off some wires above the ceiling and twisted the fan wires around them, then used black tape to insulate the connection. I told him my meter indicated it was a 220v line but he was sure there was no 220 above the ceiling. The fan rotated so fast it created a vacuum around it and didn't move any air. It was like a helicopter. I said look at how fast that is going, he said yea that's a good fan.
We went to the garage for another beer, which may have been a contributing factor, and when I went back in the fan was turning real slow because it had burnt up. I asked him were the witing for his baseboard heaters ran. Yep, it was wired into 220. He took it down and had my SIL returned it to the store.
I was always amazed his house didn't burn down because of this and all the other shoddy electrical disasters.
Being the hellion I was I always wanted on the back row. But getting busted by the bus driver a few times I got banished to the front seat just to the drivers right. I still didn't let up.
Bus driver was a little guy and was eat up with little man syndrome. Another guy on the bus, that was a serious druggie/troublemaker gave the driver hell every day and one day invited the driver off the bus. Driver got off, pulling his belt as he went down the steps and beat the kid with the buckle. Kid was suspended as was the driver. When driver got back he caught even more crap, even from mostly calm mild folks. I asked him a few times if he's like to try that crap with me. He declined and I am glad he did.
I was young and dumb and have many other examples to prove it.
I was definitely a back of the bus kid. My friends and I were getting rowdy, the bus driver stopped the bus, grabbed us by the collar, and actually tossed us out the door and said you can walk home. It was about 2 miles. The next day we were all hauled into the principles office and read the riot act. Nothing was done to the driver. Different, and I think better, world back then. The kids were not in charge and there were consequences to your actions.
You too! LOLOL. At least you could see out of the door when it opened. I had to sit in the 2nd seat to the right of the driver so his wife who sat behind him could watch me. She worked in the lunch room. This lasted until I got a car, w/glass pack mufflers. I always made a point to pass him in second gear... then slow down going up a certain hill, a really steep hill. He had to keep down shifting... I did that for a whole school year after I got my car. He always liked to get a running start at that hill... I made sure he never got it.
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Dang it. Looks like I was a weirdo. I always thought I was a nerd.
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Middle to front. Creepy guys that were loud in the back.
