Asking for daughter's hand in marriage?

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gravelroad

gravelroad

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va
I have known my G/F for about 5 years. There was a 18 months long stage of puppy dog love where she was after me, but I just looked at her as a friend and kept pushing her away because of her age. We have been dating for a little over 5 months and I have started planing her an engagement dinner for her at thw end of the month.

I'm going to stop by her parents house latter in the week and invite them to the dinner.

I have heard every side of asking for the farther before the engagement.

What are your thoughts?
 
If this is really still alive and kicking in our age, your a gem...
..I know our culture is or has been all shuffled the last 30 years or so..but
dang..know in your heart what you plan to do regardless..give the gesture the best intentions to honor it..and walk away with no regrets.
I love it.. good luck..
 
All of the guys that I know do this. First the dad, then the gf. But it was like, well, wait, did my dad say yes? Even the girlfriends were expecting this. What an honor, right?
Two of my sons did this. I was shocked. I guess I raised good young men.
So, even though back in the day, it was my idea and I was the one that proposed (or so I thought), my honey talked to my dad without my knowledge. I just found that out last year. Men, whatever.
 
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I really don't think they he will say no. I'm kinda thinking if I don't ask soon he will be at my door with a shoot gun telling me it's time. She was all most 17 when she fell in love with me and I was 20.

I had a conversation with her parents when she was 17 about how I was not comfortable with her being around my place all the time with the way she acted and her moms response was she would sign for her to get married.

I don't know what I would do if he said no.
 
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Every time a child is born into a loving christian conservative middle america home Obama cries. Make him cry a lot! :D
 
gravelroad said:
...I have heard every side of asking for the farther before the engagement.

What are your thoughts?
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Out of respect for her Father, yes you should ask him first.

Remember how you treated her while dating is the way she will be expected to be treated after marriage. Men have the tendency to strive towards a goal, when that goal is accomplished they more on to the next goal. One of the goals is marriage, then we put the bride on a shelf mentality to move on to the next goal of supporting her (work), providing for her (housing) and we forget the romance part to keep her.
 
gravelroad said:
I have known my G/F for about 5 years. There was a 18 months long stage of puppy dog love where she was after me, but I just looked at her as a friend and kept pushing her away because of her age. We have been dating for a little over 5 months and I have started planing her an engagement dinner for her at thw end of the month.

I'm going to stop by her parents house latter in the week and invite them to the dinner.

I have heard every side of asking for the farther before the engagement.

What are your thoughts?
Click to expand...

I think it is wonderful to show respect and some traditions never go out of style.
A good way to start a inlaw relationship too at least most of the time,imo.
 
I absolutely agree with the others! Marriage is such an important step not to be taken lightly. It brings the whole family into a very special time. Asking her dad shows respect and responsibility on your part.
My soon to be (44years ago) asked my dad for my hand in marriage ( his response was “just her hand? Take all of her !)
My hubby always loved him for that!
 
I think it is a nice gesture.
If he says no then tell the girlfriend you tried and let her and her Mom tell Dad how it's going to be. :)
I never had a chance to ask my Wife's Dad.
First and only time I ever saw him was at the wedding.
He wasn't much of a Dad and none of his kids had anything good to say about him.
 
gravelroad said:
I have known my G/F for about 5 years. There was a 18 months long stage of puppy dog love where she was after me, but I just looked at her as a friend and kept pushing her away because of her age. We have been dating for a little over 5 months and I have started planing her an engagement dinner for her at thw end of the month.

I'm going to stop by her parents house latter in the week and invite them to the dinner.

I have heard every side of asking for the farther before the engagement.

What are your thoughts?
Click to expand...

My husband asked my father, Grandfather & Grandmother AND my foster parents. He made sure all his bases were covered.
 
My hubby asked Dad after he asked me, but it was more forumalize the engagement. He even traded Dad a Johnson KW Matchbox (good piece of ham equipment ) for my hand. The Matchbox came back as a wedding gift.
My daughter's hubbys asked me for their hand (the Dad was NOT in the picture). It was nice.
 
I sent a group text to her mom and dad to set up lunch at my place this week. Moms responded first with "She better not be pregnant". I responded with "That talk needs to happen when shes around and not at a collage class". Dad responded about 5 minutes latter with "It must be time for the talk; I'll bring the Scotch". The only thing I could think of was "I think we should have a family get together for a dinner at my house with the date".

I also invited her sister for the family get together.
 
I might of started some trouble. My g/f called me and her mom is sure that shes pregnant. It sounds like her mom let her have it when she got home from collage. I think I opened that door and did not close it very good. Her mom texted me as I was talking to my g/f about how fun it was to mess with her.

Off to bed. Wednesdays I have to earn my pay for the week and sit in meetings for most of my 10 hour shift.
 
I got it all wrong. She didn't live at home, been on her own for 5+ years. I asked her, she said yes, and we went together to tell her Dad/Step Mom. His comment was, "what's your last name gonna be"?. It was "interesting" from there :)

Then came the "Terms of his financial participation in the wedding" and our rejection of his terms of "Surrender". We paid for it, we did it how we wanted, and it's still going strong after 27+ years :)
 
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gravelroad said:
I might of started some trouble. My g/f called me and her mom is sure that shes pregnant. It sounds like her mom let her have it when she got home from collage. I think I opened that door and did not close it very good. Her mom texted me as I was talking to my g/f about how fun it was to mess with her.

Off to bed. Wednesdays I have to earn my pay for the week and sit in meetings for most of my 10 hour shift.
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Be proud of yourself and let them work it out, you did the right thing.:heart::thumbs:
 
Had a nice lunch with her parents and a nice talk with her parents yesterday. Her mom still had it in her head that her daughter was pregnant, but I reminded her of a promise I made them years ago. I need to text her mom and tell her it's now possible...

Yesterday we had an early dinner and I proposed. She said yes.

I got everything together to finish the video and a guy at work says hell get it back to me on Sunday.
I also have to text everyone and let them know the part is an engagement party.
I do not want to go to work today...
 
I may be an outlier on this one. When I dated in high school and undergrad, the relationships had some rough patches because of close bounds to the girls' parents. When I met my wife and we got serious, I made it clear that I was marrying her and not her family, and that I had no intention to ask for permission: it was our life, and if we wanted to be married, then we would. It's worked out well so far...had our 3 year anniversary a week or two ago in Vegas and are planning to start our family in the next couple years.

Glad to hear your chat had a happy ending!
 
AdmiraID7 S. It's on of those things that goes back to I think Genesis 34:12, Exodus 22:17, 21:7, and more (I did not check). Those are the ones that stick out in my head. Over the years different cultures in different places carried on different traditions. Asking can also be traced back to slavery, but a lot of people don't want to talk about it.

I was not for buying a engagement ring that would be worn till marriage and then tossed into a box for what hopefully becomes safe storage. I bought a matched pair of diamonds and had the one set in an engagement ring. The plan is for them to be turned into a set of earrings down the road. I can not think of anything biblical about engagement rings, but the goes back to cave man times.

I'm not religious, but grew up in a religious household and community. I'm the type of person that thinks about how my actions affect other people and base my actions off it. I can see the side of not asking and if I had a different relationship with her family I would not of even thought of asking.
 
dademoss said:
Sounds very familiar :)
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There was no asking permission for me, either. We had gotten off to a little bit of a head start on raising a family, so it wasn't asking, it was my ex and I saying "we're getting married, and you're going to be grandparents". Her parents were actually pretty cool about it. They were probably just glad I wasn't going to bail out on her.
 
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