Multi generational living?

[Gypsydreamer]

This week one of our children and family reached out about moving home.

trying to brain storm how to make this workable they would immediately need shelter. Very little capital available family of 4.

long term set up to assure that both families benefit from their contributions

thoughts ideas on ways to make this work

 

[LadyLocust]

I've been singing this song a long time. Not sure of your current situation. One thing I saw last year that was very tasteful and apparently worked well was some folks turned a little garage into an apartment for her aging folks. They had a spare room, but this way the parents had their own space. Your case is the other way around. My one suggestion would be to set all the "rules" or parameters prior to them moving in so there isn't a combustion after they do. That would also give them time to coach the kids on what things might be different. If there is a difference that can't be settled prior to moving time, it might not work out very well. Anyhoo - good luck!

 

[Wingnut]

Said it before and I'll say it again: around the globe, multiple generations live under one roof without any flak from the media, banksters, etc. Only in America is this situation reviled... anywhere else and the negative flak would be RACISM. Moi, I usually tie this negative flak to banksters & credit card agencies looking to enslave younger generations through debt. Given the current situation in the U.S., I'd try to make room for any relatives of mine, I actually have two bedrooms vacant right now... told my nephew just yesterday that he's welcome here anytime, especially if things get krazy in Kalifornia.

 

[ClemKadiddlehopper]

Repeat of what LL said. It isn't just rules and chore lists. Its what is expected for rent and food as well as how you will handle the grand kids issues when the parents are not home to do so.

What will happen if conditions are not met on both sides? Put it in writing. Explain that you don't want them or yourselves to have too many surprises since you all must live with the results.

I find that it is very easy to slide into old habits and treat my 40 yr old kid like he is five again. Long term, that could really blow up in one's face.

 

[Tsrwivey]

Our 29yo daughter, SIL, and granddaughter moved into our guest house September of last year when their house and a vehicle burned to the ground. They lived 5 minutes down the road so we already saw each other frequently but we hadnt lived together since she was 18. There’s been a few arguments, that’s to be expected but it’s worked out pretty well.
I think the key in our situation is everyone has their own space. I’m not stepping over their clothes in the floor, having to do their laundry before I can do mine, or loading their dishes in the dishwasher but yet they're free to have their own standards of cleanliness. We eat dinner together most days they are off and usually cook/clean it up together. Each family has their designated livestock chores, some things we just take turns with like mowing, and a lot of it we just knock out together.
If we didn’t have the guest house, I think a travel trailer would be money well spent.

 

[elkhound]

Said it before and I'll say it again: around the globe, multiple generations live under one roof without any flak from the media, banksters, etc. Only in America is this situation reviled... anywhere else and the negative flak would be RACISM. Moi, I usually tie this negative flak to banksters & credit card agencies looking to enslave younger generations through debt. Given the current situation in the U.S., I'd try to make room for any relatives of mine, I actually have two bedrooms vacant right now... told my nephew just yesterday that he's welcome here anytime, especially if things get krazy in Kalifornia.

The Waltons is way it use to be for many !

 

[Biggkidd]

I've had my son in law and daughter for several months now and the grandson part time too.

 

[Neb]

A few thoughts...

My father told an out of control Ben " When you graduate you get out get s job or both."

I did both going into the navy.

After getting out I had a room at my father's place until I moved into a place with buddies. It was great my father cut me a break during my transition. I paid rent and my own food.

Maintained myself and the X and my son until the X through us out. Paid my father rent for one room for my son and myself while I dug my way out of massive credit debt. I confined myself to one rented room but my son enjoyed his grandparents and the run of their house. Saved up and bought a handyman special for my girlfriend The Princess.

Moved in with her just prior to our wedding. Been set since. Purchased other side of the duplex and rented it out to pay for itself. Effectively giving us a spare house.

When my eldest granddaughter was expected my son purchased a run down side by side that we erected on the corner of the DIL's fathers place. Cost me $20k to get it ready but was worth it to keep them independent, mortgage free and not here.

Now in the event the DILs parents both pass, the kid would have to vacate or buy her brother off for half of the estate. I would lean toward purchasing the estate for the kids and it is a great prepper location with massive water.

But if that didn't happen we would rent them the other side of the duplex. Let 5hem figure out who sleeps where.

But I would love to escape that.

Why with the long narrative?
.
We pass through times of need to times of sharing.

Ben

M

 

[Amish Heart]

Our son lived in our travel trailer in our yard in New Mexico. Worked out very well, except for the mess he'd leave in the house bathroom. I enjoyed having him around. So when we moved, we just gave him the trailer. He moved it to his boss's land. He manages their family's plant nursery, so that works out. We raise three grandchildren at the moment...the twins have been with us for 7 years, and the little granddaughter for 2 1/2 yrs. They were all handfuls when they first came, because they came from homes with no rules and druggie moms. Our youngest daughters have lived with us from time to time. The New Mexico daughter is thinking about doing the traveling medical stuff again, and is toying with the idea of using our farm as the home base between travels. I would love that, and suggested a trailer be put here for her if she decides to do that. Usually her assignments are 10 to 12 weeks travel, and then a few weeks off. But if things get really bad in the world, I would hope our kids would come here and leave the cities they live in.

 

[Haertig]

I miss my kids. I would be very happy to have them back at home again. We talk to them on the phone or video chats several times a week. We see my son in person once or twice a week, my daughter a couple of times a year (she lives in Hawaii, we're in Colorado, so it's not a short - or cheap - trip).

I guess my one stipulation for moving back would be, "Your old rooms are available if you help us clean them out!" It's amazing how a four bedroom house can turn into a one bedroom house with three junk rooms after the kids move out.

 

[joel]

Both my children want their own place & moved out before their 26 birth day, got a job as soon as school was out.
They were shocked at the cost of rent, food & insurance, but they refused to return home. Cheaper s not always better.

 

[DodgesMamMaw]

I am happy for the folks that can do this. But just remember it isn’t for all of us. Not all kids marry well.

 

[montanabill]

I converted the garden basement of our old house into two apartments. We enter the house via the front door and there is a half flight down and a half flight up of stairs. We have rented the small apt's out in the past and have them ready for family or renting out if the need arises.
The thing about cohousing is everybody agrees on the rules.....before hand. Also noise control, if someone needs to sleep and someone else is blaring music. or there is unavoidable noise from young children there has to be a solution.
We are currently raising a kiddo who just turned 18 who wants to go his own way, (which includes not working) he is living in a pickup camper in the back yard. I have rented a porta potty for the summer so we shall see what happens this winter.
One thing a person who has many rentals told me is to never rent to someone or let someone move in that you aren't willing to evict. Harsh words when it comes to family, but are you wiling to hurt everyone in your family/group for a couple of bad apples.

 

[Morgan101]

Lots of very sound advice here, and I agree with all of it. I would get all, or at least as many as you can think of, the ground rules agreed to in advance. Putting it in writing and having both parties sign and date it is not a bad idea. Even have a section for periodic review. After living together for a while there may be things that need to be addressed. IMHO there will be things that come up, that nobody anticipated. Have a method or a process of how these things can be addressed quickly and fairly. Letting a problem fester will not do anybody any good.

Again, JMHO, but it is still your house, your rules. You and your wife should have veto power over anything that is decided. You are accommodating them. It is because of your charity that they are there. You should not be inconvenienced in your own home. I hope it all works out. Prayers sent that they can get their house in order quickly, and it will be a short term fix.

 

[Aklogcabin]

Our door is open to family. Our daughter got pregnant 6 years ago n moved home. I absolutely love it. She is sooooo helpful n being around our grandson is fabulous. Now she is on her feet n doing great. Actually she's buying our house. And we are building on an acre next door. We gave our son an acre of land when he got married. And lives next door. We're all together. We watch the grandkids. And we all work together. Last week we ground 150 pounds of moose meat provided by our son.
I truly feel so blessed. Our 2 kids n grandkids right next door. We all work together well. Yes little things happen but we all can see the actual benefit.
Maybe because we've always been together. We homeschooled them so they spent lots of time together n needed each other growing up. Best friends even if they didn't know it. But if help has needed its always there, no matter.
My beautiful wife n me are surrounded by our family and I feel very blessed

 

[Haertig]

When I think of "the kids moving back in", I think of "not paying rent". So really, the house owner is the boss. No agreements are really necessary other than an understanding of "My way, or the highway". Now, if the kids are moving in and paying rent, then that's a more formal setup and would probably require more formal rules. In my personal family case, no additional rules would be needed because we are all in solid agreement of what is right and what is wrong and get along fantastically, but in the generic case, yes, formal rules would almost certainly be required.

I personall would not charge rent for the kids to come back and live in our family house. However, we do own other properties and our son rents one of those from us. Granted, his rent is about 1/4 to 1/3 market value if we rented that house to someone else. And if he's short on cash his rent is forgiven for that month. But both he and us (the parents) are good with all that. We don't need to make money off of our other properties. We do, from non-family renters at other properties, but for family we choose not to.

 

[Wingnut]

When I moved back into my elderly mom's house, all the other kids (or siblings) had left, and I was trucking most of the time, so the arrangement worked out very well. When I came off the road, I'd hand me beloved & dear departed mum STACKS of C-notes to pay bills, I'd knock out heavy yard work while I was home, and generally take good care of me mum by cooking awesome meals, cleaning house, taking her for "beach cruises" in the 10-ton tractor (while burning company fuel, lol), the whole nine yards. You can Google 'Coronado, CA' and probably figure out that the island views from Ocean Boulevard don't exactly suck, lol. I'd even run her around for appointments and such, using the Oldsmobile for easier access, lol. It wasn't a bad arrangement, and we both benefited from it: she received a good chunk of change every time I rolled into town, and I had a place to do laundry, keep my pets (which she looked after while I was gone) and small cartoppable or trailerable sailboat, BBQ & party with friends (she always got the first cut), etc.

This whole business of reviling multiple generations who live under one roof gets me PO'd... like I said, multiple generations live under one roof across the globe, but the banksters and globalist-owned media (including Hollywood) don't BASH them, as that would be RACIST, pffffffft. But it's okay to bash Conservative American Whitey and his kids for doing this multigenerational housing thing... and WHY is that again? Oh, yeah, it's a feeble attempt to instill GUILT and draw suckers into DEBT ENSLAVEMENT, aye? Goddam, figure it out already... I wish my ma were still alive, she'd be welcome here at the ol' hacienda, and I'd do my best to take good care of her, same as I always did. Anybody who didn't like it would be summarily DROP-KICKED off the property like I was STARRIN' in the N-F-L, yeah? I still laugh with my friends about telling gals that I was 42 years old and lived with my mom... "GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT?!?" As we BBQd and PARTIED like KINGS, lol. Damn, those were some good times, and me beloved mum always got the first food tray in her rocker, 10-4?

I'll tell y'all something ya probably already know: as Weedygarden said, this country is circling the drain, and in the not-so-distant future, there'll be a whole lot more of this multigenerational housing happening, I guarantee it. And yeah, some if not all of it will be due to manufactured grief and financial hardship brought about by globalist scum and their bought & sold political tools. Think those banksters & 'Billionaire Boys Club' scumbuckets will have a problem housing their verminous rat-spawn offspring? Think again: there will be plenty of foreclosures to choose from, lol. But they won't get THIS home, the greedy b@stards... and my home will remain a beacon & a sanctuary for any & all family members in dire need. Plenty of room here, but those who move in will have to help with chores, throw in for food and beverages, pay their fair share of utilities, and all that good stuff. No cheesed!ck rent required, but they'll have to pay in other ways, yeah? And that's fine with me, since my utility bills are pretty low and my property taxes are something like $100-120 per year, lol. CHEERS!!!

 

[Supervisor42]

The Waltons is way it use to be for many !

That was always the tradition in the south. Grandma never lived alone.
Either she was moved in with one of her offspring or one moved in with her.
This is not to be confused with worthless ones that never flew from the nest, and are now raising their kids in their parent's home and mooching off them
The current generation would like you to believe that it is the same, but it is not.

 

[Amish Heart]

It's done a little different around here. There are all farming families where I live, and when the parents get older and want to "retire", they have a small house built next to the big house that they raised their kids in. The small house is typically 2 bedroom, 1 bath, kitchen, family room, dining area, and a basement. They move into it, and one of their children and their family move into the big house and take over the family farm. They slowly buy the farm from the parents. So when the parents die, they have the farm money to distribute to all their children, and the child in the big house has already bought the family farm, so that's not in the split deal. My favorite cousin and her husband live this way. They live in the (doddy) little house next to the big house that her youngest daughter, husband, and five kids live in. The son in law runs the farm now. Their kids help. They look after my favorite cousin and her husband, and will look after them until they die. The doddy house they live in was actually built new for my cousin's mother in law. This is normal here, and I always have to explain why my mom is in assisted living (because she refuses to live on our property). We did a build on of a bedroom and handicapped bathroom on our first floor when we moved her full time. When people ask about what we built, I tell them it's an add on doddy house, because the grandkids are too little to let them have run of the full house.

 

[Wyatt]

I am happy for the folks that can do this. But just remember it isn’t for all of us. Not all kids marry well.

Ay, there's the rub.

Major consideration, how well do you get along with the spouse?

Friction at the onset nearly always turns into an inferno down the road.

On the flipside.

Reasonable people, equally informed, rarely disagree.

If your child and his/her spouse are actual grownups and accept adult responsibility, the transition has every chance of being a smooth and mutually beneficial one.

If they are in their current straits due to poor planning and equally poor choices, you could be opening Pandora's box.

Word to the wise.

Don't pick up a rattlesnake that promises not to bite you.

 

[Morgan101]

Major consideration, how well do you get along with the spouse?

Or the children. I believe in the original post it said a family of four. Do you agree, and are you on the same page with, how your grandchildren are being raised? Disciplining somebody else's children without their permission is a sure way to start WW3. Are the children well behaved? We have all known friends and family who had discipline issues, and when those children were at your house, you put away good things you did not want to risk getting broken.