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havasu

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I'm laughing as I think of the story I'm about to tell you. I worked at a large supermarket grocery warehouse way before I was a cop. This warehouse often had 100 men working at a time, so the bathroom was huge. As I opened the door to the restroom on my first day of work, I saw what looked like a 10' round urinal. It even had water constantly flowing, which looked just like a place to pee, as we faced our workmates. Whelp, I had to go, so I stood there peeing, when about 8 guys walked in. One guy looked at me and asked me why I was peeing where everyone washes their hands? Boy, I sure felt stupid!
 
Havasu, that's called "Euro Style"---but it's usually only done when all other options are exhausted. ;)

I dunno about "most embarrassing moment" but I'll tell y'all a funny story about my short "career" as a busboy at the popular Chu Dynasty Restaurant in Coronado. In its heyday, this Chinese joint cranked out some of the best Chinese food to be found in San Diego County... now, long after the restaurant is gone, my best friend Tommy still retroactively calls it "Die Nasty!" The place went downhill in later years, you understand. But I digress, lol. As a youngster in high school, I scored a job as "dish dog" in that restaurant, but it wasn't a bad gig at all, and I'll tell ya why: all the delicious Chinese food you could eat every night, plenty of sake and other wines left over in carafes brought back from tables, a pocketful of cash (shared tip money) as I went out the door around midnight, pretty Chinese waitresses who liked young white boys, etc. :oops:

I also had a coworker in the form of Lucas, an old Mexican guy who enoyed the job as much as I did... we'd get half-lit and mack Chinese food during lulls, then bust @$$ and keep the clean dishes comin', aye? Our work area consisted of a fairly roomy nook with a large, state-of-the-art, modern stainless steel dishwasher in one corner of a U-shaped stainless steel trough, with plenty of heat resistant plastic racks to load into the dishwasher. Some of the racks were for plates, bowls & saucers, some were for glasses, some were for utensils, etc. The waitresses and busboys would bring stacks of dirty dishes on trays and leave 'em at one end of the trough... Lucas or I would scrape leftovers on the dirty dishes into the huge Hefty trash can below, scrub the dishes a bit in the sinks if necessary, load 'em into the racks, and start the machine. 😀

The racks full of steaming hot and clean dishes would exit the machine and be pulled over into a "sorting area" where they'd dry, then we'd stack clean dishes or racks of glasses in a "pickup area" for the waitresses and busboys. Not hard work, but hectic at times since the restaurant was so popular... but Lucas and I got along and we worked well together, and we also jumped at every opportunity to bag carafes of leftover wine and set 'em on a stainless steel shelf below the trough, along with serving plates & platters still half full of delicious Chinese food. Rich folks who patronized the restaurant sometimes left food and wine on the tables, as they had other plans and couldn't bother to deal with doggy bags, lol. So Lucas and I lived large off the untouched leftovers... we scraped the individual plates, but the serving plates & platters were fair game. 😬

This may sound gross to y'all now, but in those days it was perfectly natural to do this, kinda like a perk of the job, and the owner didn't care what we did as long as dishes got done and there was no shortage of clean plates, glasses, etc. Another perk of the job was when we scrubbed a big ol' pot or pan at the request of the Chinese cooks, who couldn't speak a word of English but made their requests clear in sign language, lol. Whenever we styled out those cooks, they'd make a batch of something special just for us, something not even on the menu, but so damned good that it would've sold like hotcakes, lol. I always jumped at the opportunity to do those cooks a favor, as I knew the favor would be returned with interest later, lol. I'll tell y'all, it wasn't a bad job, I went home every night half-lit and stuffed with good Chinese food, plus I had $20 or more in shared tip money in my pocket, on top of my regular wages. 😁

Anyway, there came a night when the owner asked me if I would try my hand as a busboy, since he had a special party of uber-rich Mexicans booked in a separate room of the restaurant. I was perfectly happy where I was, but I figured I'd do as he asked, so as not to endanger my job, lol. I donned the little monkey suit and started to fulfill my very first task as a busboy, bringing a tray of glasses full of ice water to the rich Mexicans, who were now seated around a special banquet table in that private room I mentioned... probably celebrating the latest successful cartel deal, lol. There were at least a dozen Mexicans around this table, maybe more, some kids but mostly adults, and I began to make my way around the table, delivering a glass of water to each customer. To balance out the tray, I first took a glass from one side of the tray, then a glass from the other side, right? In this alternating manner, I made it almost all the way around the table... 😐

Then things went terribly wrong... you see, I had not thought far enough ahead in my system of glass removal from the tray, and as I stood behind the last two customers in the circle, I had two glasses left on the tray, but they were on opposite sides of the tray, 10-4? And the very last customer was this beautiful Mexican woman wearing fancy diamond jewelry and what looked to be a very expensive sweater, the soft kind that show a woman's figure to best advantage. Damned if I wasn't sidetracked by ogling that gorgeous gal... as I placed the penultimate glass next to the customer at her side, the tray tilted, the remaining glass slid until it hit the tray rail and upended, and that full glass of ice water went right down the front of that gal's sweater, lol. I wasn't even on the job for five minutes, and I already knew my "career" as a busboy would end right there, lol. And it did, with the owner himself apologizing to the party as I headed for the kitchen, lol. 😢

But truth be told, I was HAPPY to ditch the monkey suit and return to doing dishes with Lucas, who roared with laughter as I related the details of my short busboy "career." He even slapped me on the back, in some form of congratulation, lol. He was a good ol' boy, Lucas... and I drowned my "sorrows" in heaps of leftover sake and other wines before I went home. I'll tell ya something else too: every last one of those adult males at the table who were NOT related to the gal who fielded the ice water spill, their eyes were SHINING in appreciation after that cold water hit the woman's sweater, lol. I don't think that gal was wearing a bra either, or if she was, it was nowhere in evidence... and THAT, my friends, is the story of my brief "career" as a busboy at Chu Dynasty Restaurant in Coronado in the late '70s. All in all, it was a great job, believe it or not... the "perks" were excellent, lol. 🤣
 
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I'm trying to remember which actor it was, but he said his mother mistook a urinal cake in a port-a-potty for hand soap.

When we first moved to Singapore we'd never heard of bidets before (despite the fact that the majority of them are produced in the US). There was a standalone bidet in a bathroom when we were viewing apartments & my brother asked "What is this?" and turned the handle. Water shot out and hit him in the face. He moved back but it arced and kept hitting him. Person showing the place tried to turn it off but turned it on higher so it hit my brother again and then the lever seemed to jam for a bit. Water was just shooting up until the guy got it to turn off. My brother was soaked and we were laughing our behinds off at him.

When my dad was in the Army over in Vietnam, he got drunk a lot (very common in his unit-- even his supervisor go drunk often). One day he was drunk and had to pee. Stumbled into the officer's bathroom, slurred "I are an offser!" and accidentally pulled the door off the latrine. As an aside, when he was due to receive on of his 23 air medals, he hadn't been able to shower or get a change of clean clothes so his superior locked him in a latrine to keep him from showing up so he wouldn't appear in front of the higher ups in that condition. I don't know what excuse they made for why he didn't show up.

Apparently when they were in Thailand, the guys would go to bars, get drunk, and then climb on the roof, crap on the roof, and play turd golf. I know, really gross, but bunch of teenagers sent out in the military & they found it funny. Apparently they landed it on some poor local guy's head.

Then there was the time my brother was on the toilet and the floor had rotted. Floor gave way and I heard a crash and a shout. The joist stopped it from dropping straight down so it tipped over and spilled on the floor (and on him). Basically dumped my brother off. He said "The toilet said 'I can't take anymore of this (word that rhyms with pit)!'"

I don't know if this is embarrassing, but the first time a friend of mine and I saw automatic faucets was at the movie theater bathroom in Micronesia Mall on Guam. We were looking for the handles and one of us reached over and the water turned on. Jumped back and then tried it again. We both stood there like a couple of monkeys waving our hands over the sensors to make the water run and giggling like idiots. Weird thing is, those sensors worked better than the ones in some of the modern bathrooms and that was back in 1999 or 2000.
 
When I was a kid, my parents invited my friend and his parents out to a real fancy Chinese restaurant. The type that had the rolled, steaming hot wash clothes on the table, so you can wipe your hands before eating. As soon as we sat down, my friend's dad grabbed one of these steaming hot wash clothes, dipped it in the hot mustard, and started eating it. I'm quite sure he was very embarrassed!
 
Off hand I went to work a few weeks ago with different shoes.

When I was a youngster working for Dod I answered the phone Air to air weapons Moscow, what are your coordinates? It was my boss's boss and he was not amused.
 
I went to visit a buddy in Balboa Naval Hospital. I had some paperwork for him. The nurses station was cramed pack with nurses. They were all wraring skirts and had their legs proped up on something. One asked if she could help me. I said yea I have some legs for Hagenstien. They all burst out laughing and I turned a bright shade of red.
 
I was leaving atlanta and stopped for lunch at my favorite all you can eat wing buffet. I hadn’t stopped in a few months so I made up for it, was stuffed when I left.

I get in my truck and start up the interstate. First thing was unbuckle my belt and release the top button my pants. Now I was ready for the long drive to Nashville, comfy!!

Couple hrs later I get off at an exit, needed a soda. The gas station was packed but I got a parking space in front of the door.

I get out, take 3 steps and my pants fall to my ankles. Several people noticed!!! What the heck, I pulled up my pants, fastened my belt then went in the store for my soda!

------------------------

No one saw this… Many years ago I was on a blind date. Went to an upscale seafood eatery. Had nice table cloths, candles on the tables, lights were dim…

I had fish and a baked potato… the fish had lemon slices and tiny metal bowl w/tartar sauce. Sour cream for my baked potato came in an identical tiny metal bowl.

In the dim light tartar sauce looks a lot like sour cream… so I dumped tartar sauce into my potato.

I ate it!!! Every bite! That was a moment I wished I knew my date, we’d have had a good laugh. Cause I was laughing on the inside!!! As it was I had to pretend nothing was amiss.
 
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Come on brothers and sisters....come clean with your most embarrassing moments. I've got dozens!
Me too!
So many to choose from to come up with "your most embarrassing moment" :(.
But I am loving reading the thread! :D
 
I'm laughing as I think of the story I'm about to tell you. I worked at a large supermarket grocery warehouse way before I was a cop. This warehouse often had 100 men working at a time, so the bathroom was huge. As I opened the door to the restroom on my first day of work, I saw what looked like a 10' round urinal. It even had water constantly flowing, which looked just like a place to pee, as we faced our workmates. Whelp, I had to go, so I stood there peeing, when about 8 guys walked in. One guy looked at me and asked me why I was peeing where everyone washes their hands? Boy, I sure felt stupid!
We had one of those "tub" sinks too. I too relieved myself in it. In fact, I did several times even after I knew what it was. ALL my co-workers were gaping A-holes.

Most embarrassing moment. so, so many. As a teenager, walking out the back door to take a whiz naked, then turned to see the preacher, his wife, and daughters standing there talking to my parents. (They had gotten home early.) I stayed home to do... Something, I finished it, took a bath, and since it was the middle of August and air conditioners were something hillbillies laughed at and we lived back up in the woods and I was going to be alone, SUPPOSEDLY until around 2:00, I decided to wander around native. my first hint I was screwed was hearing my mother, the preacher's wife, their two daughters, and my sister all hit the high note!

Finding out my prospective fiancee had not only emptied my bank account of my savings but had run off with my best "friend" and boss to Bermuda for the 4th of July vacation while I was recovering from getting creamed by a hyster. then when they got back, I was immediately canned for "sexual harassment" which was the woketard cause of the day, only accusing someone was enough to get them fired! Anyway, before I could get the scumbags in court, the company folded and I got squat.

Picture if you will, Easter mass, that part where they're being quiet as the wine and wafers are being brought out, and suddenly, what you ate for breakfast suddenly turns into painful gas and the fart you let go in that quiet setting sounds like a clap of thunder complete with echo!
 
When I was in high school, I was quite the trumpet player. I was often invited to play solos in various churches. Well one time - this was at my own church - I had been asked to perform. I remember it well - "Trumpet Voluntary" by Henry Purcell is what they had asked me to play.

Well, it's a majestic piece, and after I was done I strutted off the stage at the front of the church, all full of myself (the performance had gone well). My accompanist on the organ was waving frantically for me to come over to her. As I got there, she strenuously whispers at me "Dave, you fly is open!" Of course, it was nothing but whitey tighties back in those days, so that complemented my navy blue suit nicely.

This is that piece, that because of my experience, I will never forget:

 
I was at a Taekwondo grading to get my green belt. I have a short torso but longer legs. The pants didn't quite fit me right and when I was doing some kicks, the seam ripped right in the middle of the crotch. I didn't notice until after the grading. I'd wondered why some of the guys were laughing so hard. Not sure if they were telling jokes or if it was because they saw my pants rip. I still passed and got my belt though.

Another time we were having to run on tracks in one of the phys ed classes in Singapore. The girl behind me accidentally clipped my heel and somehow it caused me to trip and I not only fell flat on my face, but I slid about a foot.

On my 16th birthday I managed to trip and fall down the stairs. My trapper keeper saved my ribs. I felt like such a dweeb.
 
God, theres so many... mostly little ones. The time in high school I was carrying a load of stuff back to my table in sewing class, and I stumbled. Proudly, I stayed on my feet and dropped nothing. I did however, shower the class with a container full of tacking pins. I can still see one girl rolling her eyes, saying typical.
The time I was asked to help out a trainer at the racecourse, leading the horse to and from the parade ring. After the race I grabbed the wrong horse and led him back. Didn't realise until someone took him off me, and I saw my jockey yelling at me still on the track. He'd taken his teeth out and all I could do was laugh.

When I was about 19 and a waitress in a posh hotel in the UK- I had just been home for a few weeks, so no one had seen me in a while. First shift back at work, I was leaving, crossing the main square when a few of the locals I knew appeared on the street. Delighted to see me they 'whoohoo'd', and one of the lads, a giant rugby player, scooped me up in a firemans lift around the waistand jokingly ran across the square, pretending to kidnap me or something. People turned to look, and I was a bit embarrassed.
Not as embarrassed as later, when one of the girls pointed out my knee length skirt had hitched right up, I had a bit of a wedgie, so basically my backside had been flashed to the people and tourists of that wee town. It gets better.
Apparently the hotel had caught it all on their cameras. I'd like to think my tips were better that week 😂 😂
 
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So, I was a fresh rookie officer and one of my first tasks was to escort our command staff (Chief, Captain, and Lieutenant) to the following police academy graduation. They had commented that they were scared to drive with such a green rookie since I had never driven one of my department's new Crown Victoria police cars. I pulled into the parking lot, completely unaware that the push bar, which is the big attachment on the front bumper, stuck out nearly a foot from the front bumper. I was nice and cool as I parked this big tank in the parking lot, only to hit the police car in front of me with so much force, everyone surged forward, and the chief hit the dashboard. He made a suttle comment that maybe he should have looked at my driving record closer before he selected me as a new hire.
 
Ok, I’ll play along. This story requires a google stock photo to better describe the events as they ‘unfolded’.

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In the early 90s I was in an EMT training class and we were learning how to use the KED (Kendrick Extrication Device), used to immobilize someone’s spine that has been in a car accident, before you get them out of the car.

We’re all taking turns, some of the class are doing other things since in this skill there are two ‘rescuers’ with the ‘victim’ sitting in a chair. It was my turn as the victim and all was going well, the rescuers were busy getting all the straps tightened down and were doing a good job at it (you really can’t move much when it is applied). There were a few ladies watching straight ahead of me along with another guy. Now for the good part.

You can see in the pic that the device has two leg straps that go around the groin. These need to be snugged up pretty tight, which they did. So, they were done and the guy watching comes up to me and whispers in my ear “your testicles are hanging out.” For those who remember, shorts were much shorter back then and the shorts were forced up and ‘the boys’ were being forced past my briefs by the straps!

So, I immediately burst out laughing and tell the guys to loosen the leg straps so I could stand up as they were as clueless as I was. I guess I was putting on a good show for the ladies ‘cause they were just standing there staring.

I still laugh about it now and then!
 
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I guess I can tell the story of some of my close friends back in high school. I missed being in this particular adventure (thank God!)

It was the 70's. Streaking was big. So the decision was made to hit the Putt-Putt Mini-Golf on Burnet Road in Austin Texas. First you drop off the getaway car at the end of the route, stocked with clothing. Then you pile into the other car (sans clothing) and drive to the starting point. Understood. All well and good.

Through the Putt-Putt they went. Four of them wearing nothing but sneakers. Across Burnet Road (which is a busy place, two or three lanes in both directions) and on to the getaway car. Oh no, ... WHO LOCKED THE DAMNED CAR???!!! Oh crap! So a route reversal back through Putt-Putt was required. Got to Burnet Road only to find traffic was fairly heavy at this time. They had to stand by the roadside for a few minutes waiting for it to clear. That didn't go well for my friends, because for some unknown reason cars kept slowing down and causing a backup at their waiting-to-cross location. Finally they mustered up the cojones to dart into traffic and zig-zag their way across. Back through Putt-Putt they went, mentally scarring golfing children for life.

The bonus was, they ended up with a poison ivy rash afterwards.

So when you look at your professor, who is a multiple PhD and head of the graduate organic chemistry department at a major state university now, you might want to ask what kind of stuff he did back when he was a kid.

 
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Back in the 80s every 3rd Sunday night at midnight I would service the 7 mainframes that U of Pitt used. The head operator was a real character. She was also quite prolific calling herself " fertile Mertle".

A few months after number 6 I was talking to her and said...

"
I see you are once again with child.
"

She said...

"No, just fat."

I was so embarased. I felt about 2" tall.

I learned to never comment on a woman's appearance that day.

Later I learned that my guess was correct but she hadn't told anyone yet.

She sure put me in my place that day!

Ben
 
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Back in 4he 80s every 3rd Sunday night at midnight I would service the 7 mainframes that U of Pitt used. The head operator was a real character. She was also quite prolific calling herself " fertile Mertle".

A few months after number 6 I was talking to her and said...

"
I see you are once again with child.
"

She said...

"No, just fat."

I was so embarased. I felt about 2" tall.

I learned to never comment on a woman's appearance that day.

Later I learned that my guess was correct but she hadn't told anyone yet.

She sure put me my place that day!

Ben
Similarly, I have learned to ask "Are you related?" instead of "Is this your son or daughter?" - referring to their spouse 😲
 
Not my most embarrassing but another time my quips were topped.

After a very long weekly staff meeting 70 engineers rushed to the men' s room. I was first and took up my position at the normal height urinal. My boss was second and stood next to me at the lower fixture.

I said...

Sorry Karl you will have to use the little kiddie urinal.

He came right back and said...

That's fine. The water is cold.

Ben
 
I remember I had just bought this shiny new Norinco type 213, in fact, I was loading it when the landlady came to discuss a bill I had forgotten. I slammed the clip home, I hit the slide release and the damn thing went full auto through the ceiling! My poor old aunt just looked at me and said:
I'll add that to next month's bill and walked away shaking her head.

As a kid, I was tasked with burning out a cellar to remove the rat problem and then the garden before spring. my tools were a gallon of gas and a 22-magnum Ruger revolver. well, I must have been channeling the spirit of Wyle E Coyote because instead of covering the place, I decided to set a fire and prop the gas up in front of it and shoot it with the pistol, Now I knew it would blow up, but how spectacularly I would succeed escaped me. I backed off about fifty feet and popped the gallon milk jug and...
Have you ever been in an explosion where all you hear is a soft "womp" and everything fades to a tinny whine and everything goes black and white? That blast knocked me on my butt, and when I raised up, the whole cellar was on fire, burning rats were running everywhere, the power lines and a tree were on fire and part of the garden was burning! Fortunately, Dad was about drunk and he thought it was awesome! Mom, not so much, and I was never tasked with fire control duty again.
 
Not my most embarrassing but another time my quips were topped.

After a very long weekly staff meeting 70 engineers rushed to the men' s room. I was first and took up my position at the normal height urinal. My boss was second and stood next to me at the lower fixture.

I said...

Sorry Karl you will have to use the little kiddie urinal.

He came right back and said...

That's fine. The water is cold.

Bens .

We had a sales guy from Texas he was a big guy.
One day him and the sales manager both walked into the men's room and the Texan made a comment that the manager had to use the short urnial.
The manager was a short guy with a complex.
He fired the salesman the next day.
Karma got the manager. His wife caught him in her bed with the neighbor woman and took him for everything he had including the 911 Porche she bought him for his birthday.
 
So, myself and about 10 other guys were in our daily police department briefing, when the boss said it was time for our mandatory Hepatitis shots. He added that at least all the nurses in the mobile trailer parked outside were beautiful. Since they went in alphabetical order I was one of the last to be called into the trailer for my shot.

The cop just before me came back into the briefing room, pulling up his pants and rubbing his butt cheek, saying that shot really stung.

Well, it was my turn for the shot, so as a way to expedite the process, I walked into the mobile trailer and just dropped my pants, in front of 4 beautiful nurses. They looked a bit bewildered and it became very silent. The head nurse then asked me, "Do you want the shot in your left arm, or your right?

Yeah, I was pranked by the cop just before me.
 
Most embarrassing moment?
1990. 7/11 in Jackson ms
I was buying a 12 pack of beer and was in good spirits
The lady behind the counter looked to be about 4 mths preggo
So I wished her a congratulation, asked when the blessed day will be

She told me she was not preggers
Oh, opps, Now. I feel like a complete moron and am looking to get the hell out of here quickly
Since that day, I refuse to acknowledge a woman is preggers. I am not assuming anything
 
..As I opened the door to the restroom on my first day of work, I saw what looked like a 10' round urinal. It even had water constantly flowing, which looked just like a place to pee, as we faced our workmates....

#MeToo!! Jokes and Humor 🤣

Moar, Later.. Busy gettin ready for '4th activities'.. 😈

jd
 
Many years ago, I had a sweater that was worn over a regular top but you had to tie it at the neckline to wear. So it was open and flowing around the waist. I was wearing it one night at work and a paramedic brought a patient into the ER and said to me “when are you due?” I asked him ‘what do you mean due? Due for what?’ I was not pregnant and actually I was pretty petite back then. But that sweater kind of looked like a maternity top. 🤣🤣
 
Okay, here’s an awfully embarrassing one and I rarely tell this story but since havasu asked and he’s one of my favorite people, I’ll tell it. Many years ago I was trying to lose a couple pounds so I was eating a lot of hard boiled eggs. That resulted in some pretty sulfery gas. 😳 I was having to replace a pipe in my toilet and I took the part to the hardware store because I didn’t know what it was called. So, the store clerk was helping me and I couldn’t hold it back any longer and I let one pass. It was silent but deadly. After a couple minutes, the guy sniffed the pipe and said, “you must have a lot of sulfer in your water. I can smell it.” I made a hasty exit. I was SO embarrassed!!!!🤧
 
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