The Challenges of the Holiday Season

[Weedygarden]

I am good, but I do know that there are many people who do not do well when it is the holiday season.

1. Depression-- I know that some people get really depressed during the holidays. I had two students whose mother was hospitalized every year before Christmas. I read many people's comments about being alone for Christmas and what can they do?

I've been alone many times on Christmas when daughter would go to be with her dad and his family. I was so glad for her to have the opportunity to spend time with them and his big extended family. The older people, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, are mostly gone now. What a great opportunity for her to get to see and know them. Later, her grandfather thanked me and told me how important it was for them to have her during those times. Her now deceased grandmother is still at the top of her list of all time favorite people.

What did I do while she was gone? One year I painted my kitchen after a bit of remodeling and dry wall work had been done. Another time I hung kitchen cabinets. I also built two tall kitchen cabinets another year. I also would eat whatever I wanted to, read books that I hadn't had time to read, and watched movies that I hadn't had time to watch. I never once felt sad. I got the girl most of the rest of the year.

2. Sadness and loneliness-- there is a big expectation with all kinds of "have to's" for the season. Have to be with family. Have to get and give xxx gifts. Have to, have to, have to.

3. Lack of money to purchase the gifts that people and especially children want.

It is this time of year that I especially try to speak kindly to people, thank them for whatever they are doing, tip more, smile at everyone, and speak to people I see on the streets or anywhere.

I don't eat out much, but this is the time of year that I will take people out to eat. It gives them an outing, a meal, and something to cheer them up.

4. The holidays do happen to be a time where there is much more drinking. Doesn't that also contribute to mental health challenges?

------------------------------------------
Do you encourage others this time of year? Are you someone who struggles with the holidays?

 

[Neb]

I am good, but I do know that there are many people who do not do well when it is the holiday season.

1. Depression-- I know that some people get really depressed during the holidays. I had two students whose mother was hospitalized every year before Christmas. I read many people's comments about being alone for Christmas and what can they do?

I've been alone many times on Christmas when daughter would go to be with her dad and his family. I was so glad for her to have the opportunity to spend time with them and his big extended family. The older people, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, are mostly gone now. What a great opportunity for her to get to see and know them. Later, her grandfather thanked me and told me how important it was for them to have her during those times. Her now deceased grandmother is still at the top of her list of all time favorite people.

What did I do while she was gone? One year I painted my kitchen after a bit of remodeling and dry wall work had been done. Another time I hung kitchen cabinets. I also built two tall kitchen cabinets another year. I also would eat whatever I wanted to, read books that I hadn't had time to read, and watched movies that I hadn't had time to watch. I never once felt sad. I got the girl most of the rest of the year.

2. Sadness and loneliness-- there is a big expectation with all kinds of "have to's" for the season. Have to be with family. Have to get and give xxx gifts. Have to, have to, have to.

3. Lack of money to purchase the gifts that people and especially children want.

It is this time of year that I especially try to speak kindly to people, thank them for whatever they are doing, tip more, smile at everyone, and speak to people I see on the streets or anywhere.

I don't eat out much, but this is the time of year that I will take people out to eat. It gives them an outing, a meal, and something to cheer them up.

4. The holidays do happen to be a time where there is much more drinking. Doesn't that also contribute to mental health challenges?

------------------------------------------
Do you encourage others this time of year? Are you someone who struggles with the holidays?

I don't do Christmas so zero problems!

Everyone leaves me alone so I am happy.

Ben

 

[elkhound]

I don't do Christmas so zero problems!

Everyone leaves me alone so I am happy.

Ben

Right there with you...!!

 

[Supervisor42]

I feel bad for those who live alone, with no family nearby.
Watching the endless cheering of groups of people on TV must be torture.

 

[Pearl]

I am good, but I do know that there are many people who do not do well when it is the holiday season.

1. Depression-- I know that some people get really depressed during the holidays. I had two students whose mother was hospitalized every year before Christmas. I read many people's comments about being alone for Christmas and what can they do?

I've been alone many times on Christmas when daughter would go to be with her dad and his family. I was so glad for her to have the opportunity to spend time with them and his big extended family. The older people, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, are mostly gone now. What a great opportunity for her to get to see and know them. Later, her grandfather thanked me and told me how important it was for them to have her during those times. Her now deceased grandmother is still at the top of her list of all time favorite people.

What did I do while she was gone? One year I painted my kitchen after a bit of remodeling and dry wall work had been done. Another time I hung kitchen cabinets. I also built two tall kitchen cabinets another year. I also would eat whatever I wanted to, read books that I hadn't had time to read, and watched movies that I hadn't had time to watch. I never once felt sad. I got the girl most of the rest of the year.

2. Sadness and loneliness-- there is a big expectation with all kinds of "have to's" for the season. Have to be with family. Have to get and give xxx gifts. Have to, have to, have to.

3. Lack of money to purchase the gifts that people and especially children want.

It is this time of year that I especially try to speak kindly to people, thank them for whatever they are doing, tip more, smile at everyone, and speak to people I see on the streets or anywhere.

I don't eat out much, but this is the time of year that I will take people out to eat. It gives them an outing, a meal, and something to cheer them up.

4. The holidays do happen to be a time where there is much more drinking. Doesn't that also contribute to mental health challenges?

------------------------------------------
Do you encourage others this time of year? Are you someone who struggles with the holidays?

I am truly happy not having people around, holidays and everyday!

 

[forcast]

Difference is having family kinda close that don't give a hoot. I used to house clean, put in extra food, decorate ,thinking the kids would come in. Stopped doing it well before covid, covid just gave my kids a reason to stay away."we dont want to get you sick". Anyway holidays are just another day. Hate all the xmas stuff on tv internet. My father in law only gave gifts if kids/grandkids visited him on or near xmas. He didnt mail money. Zip. I understand the depression with all the unrealistic xmas stuff on tv from thanksgiving till jan. Not fun to have stuff you dont have stuck under your nose non stop.

 

[Amish Heart]

This is the first year that any of our kids have come to Kansas for Christmas since we moved here, and then we had husband in the hospital, so it was almost looking like they came to hang with each other, and little granddaughter. Our "traditions" changed quite a bit this year. I did miss taking little granddaughter to the big light display in the other town, and out for a burger and ice cream afterwards. I did miss not having a cookie baking day, and taking some goodies to the neighbors. I missed being able to go to Christmas Eve church service. And it was weird wrapping hospital gift store gifts for our son and daughter. Those things are things that mattered and I missed, but it's not like that every year. What is today is enough.

 

[Morgan101]

I really had to think about this one. I guess it depends on what you want and what makes you happy. If you like having people around and that's what makes you happy then you are happy in the big group setting. If you don't like having people around, and prefer to be alone or with a very small group of people you like, then that is what will make you happy. Definitely a personal preference.

Not much worse than being around people you don't like because you have to. We all have relatives or in-laws that we don't care for. If you never saw them again that would be just fine. You have to see them during the holidays and you dread every minute of it.

 

[lonewolf]

I dont do people, I am a recluse- I am Lonewolf by name and lone wolf by nature, it is the way I was brought up as an only child, being alone is second nature to me. I dont get lonely or depressed, bored sometimes but never lonely, I prefer the company of animals to people, give me a dog over a human being any day.

 

[Haertig]

I miss the kids no longer living at home. We used to do a lot of decorating, putting up tons of outdoor lights, lots of presents under a gigantic tree. Heading to midnight mass on Christmas eve. Running from store to store shopping for presents for the kids. But we don't do any of those things any more. Going to holiday parties is a thing of the past. To be honest, going to a party - any party - is something that I can't even remember. Other than things like "award banquets" for work (my wife's work, since I am retired).

Christmas has become a phone call to my daughter far away. But we talk on the phone just about every single day anyway - to both our kids. My son still comes over for meals on Christmas eve and Christmas day. He also comes over for dinner every Sunday night of the year. We put more effort into Christmas meals than a normal meal. But even then, our meals are not fancy. More like "different than normal" than "fancier than normal". Today the different thing is cornish game hens. Little micro-chickens vs. the normal chickens we usually cook. A change ... but not a huge one. We'll make a pumpkin pie later today too. We only do that on holidays.

I am not depressed or sad, more nostalgic than anything. But there is always a little sadness with nostalgia I guess. When you are in the middle of "the old days", you think they suck and can't wait until you "don't have to do this any more". But when you don't have them any more and are looking back on them, you miss them.

 

[sonya123]

the only thing I am sad about is to not be able to ski anymore
we used to always go on ski trips for Christmas
Now I just celebrate Yule, no problems there. We live in nature, so all good
We do some socializing, but after having people over I like my peace and quiet and not having to do a gazzilion dishes
Plus nowadays you can videocall with anyone, and do all the talking without people actually being in your house

Just got a Christmas card from our single and living with her dogs neighbor, she said she is going to spend today with a friend. I have invited her before but I think she wouldn;t eat my food anyway ( she is vegan and also doesnt eat gluten)

Just talked to daughter in Florida, hope they have a safe trip back to Norfolk tomorrow, that's my only worry

 

[Magus]

I haven't heard "And so this is Christmas." by John Lennon one time!
Godz, every time I hear that stupid song my PTSD tells me to crawl in a bottle and shoot myself in the face!

NOW I won't have to hear it for a whole year!!! YEAH!!

 

[Weedygarden]

My thoughts about this thread is to find people who are not feeling the best and to reach out to them. A phone call or a visit is a great thing to encourage people and to spread cheer, especially for older or elderly people.

If anyone here would like a phone call, I think posting that, and then having anyone PM their number?

I had a thought. A couple years ago, a friend that I hadn't seen in maybe 3 decades called me right after Christmas and we talked for hours. She had 5 children and has lost her two older children. Her husband couldn't cope and decided to move to a third world country to take up with a woman he met online. Now my friend lives in the basement of one of her children. She is a registered nurse, but is a bit broken by all that has happened.

I heard someone say that Christmas is about love. I'm not sure that was what I thought before, but I think it sharing cheer and being as kind as possible to others is important now, especially with how not good the future looks.

 

[Weedygarden]

 

[elkhound]

My thoughts about this thread is to find people who are not feeling the best and to reach out to them. A phone call or a visit is a great thing to encourage people and to spread cheer, especially for older or elderly people.

Spring boarding off the above.....i am a member..if you call it that...of a 'club' of brothers...they are all walks of life..but mostly rural,outdoors,homestead types...there are a few women who join in..but its a place where men talk about man stuff....its not in depth on anything or deep discussion per say..but it was a place for men to say what they want to and not get bashed over the head for being testosterone filled men.The main guy swears a bunch..i have no problem with that as i can too...but anyway...a few women jump in and say a few things..its mainly centered on checking on a brother or a sister just to say hey you ok,etc. It was done so people in their real lives would check on each other..i have done that a good bit my entire life not so much as of late..but getting back into...i check on a few people..mostly older folks but one younger fellow just struggles a bunch.

Saturday i stopped in to see couple of fellows live out in the bush only to find out the son thats a year younger than me passed away last year.The father is 84 and alone now and doing fine but enjoyed our talk he recognized me but couldnt recall my name. He lives way out surrounded by 1,000's of acres of woods. I asked if it was ok to stop in more and say hey..i mainly knew his son.

Sadly many if my friends are dead and gone. I use to hang with much older folks growing up so they were 30-40 years my senior and many are gone now.

Brothers check on ya brothers. Sisters check on ya sisters.

Final thoughts is this is one day out of the year...what about the rest of the year...364 other days to be lonely,depressed or whatever...keep check on each other..even if its just a text message weekly...or however the other person seems they need checking on,call or a visit etc.

 

[Weedygarden]

Spring boarding off the above.....i am a member..if you call it that...of a 'club' of brothers...they are all walks of life..but mostly rural,outdoors,homestead types...there are a few women who join in..but its a place where men talk about man stuff....its not in depth on anything or deep discussion per say..but it was a place for men to say what they want to and not get bashed over the head for being testosterone filled men.The main guy swears a bunch..i have no problem with that as i can too...but anyway...a few women jump in and say a few things..its mainly centered on check on a brother or a sister just to say hey you ok,etc. It was done so people in their real lives would check on each other..i have done that a good bit my entire life not so much as of late..but getting back into...i check on a few people..mostly older folks but one younger fellow just struggles a bunch.

Saturday i stopped in to see couple of fellows live out in the bush only to find out the sun thats a year younger than me passed away last year.The father is 84 and alone now and doing fine but enjoyed our talk he recognized me but couldnt recall my name. He lives way out surrounded by 1,000's of acres of woods. I asked if it was ok to stop in more and say hey..i mainly knew his son.

Sadly many if my friends are dead and gone. I use to hang with much older folks growing up so they were 30-40 years my senior and many are gone now.

Brothers check on ya brothers. Sisters check on ya sisters.

Final thoughts is this is one day out of the year...what about the rest of the year...364 other days to be lonely, depressed or whatever...keep check on each other.. even if its just a text message weekly...or however the other person seems they need checking on, call or a visit etc.

I have lost a few friends in the last couple years. I have been thinking about them, but mostly about their families at this time of year.

Yes, not just today or this season, but to keep in touch with people who might be alone, or have suffered a loss in the last year or so.

Having a place and people to share with is important.

I have two friends who are dealing with difficult situations. One lost her husband a couple years ago. They were married almost 50 years, so the loss is significant.

Another friend put her husband into a facility for Alzheimer's because he was declining and had never been able to deal with, but was now so difficult. Her 3 children were really not happy that she put him into a facility and she keeps receiving hateful text messages and emails from them. One of her daughters wrote and sent a hateful email this morning. Merry Christmas, not. Ugh!