Future Divorce

[SheepDog]

They never asked me about that...

 

[joel]

Millennials are making history by saying no to traditional marriage in record numbers — and they may be radically changing a centuries-old institution.

While traditional marriage has been on a downward trajectory for generations, with this group — the oldest now 40 years old — it appears to be in free fall. According to a report by the Pew Research Center, Millennials are slower to establish their own households; more than four-in-10 do not live with a family of their own.

Many Millennials are choosing to test drive nuptials. Pew reports found that a significant share is living with a romantic partner. Cohabitation is more common among Millennials than Gen Xers across most racial and ethnic categories, as well as educational attainment.

Lecturer in Natural and Applied Sciences Clarissa Sawyer, who teaches gender psychology and adult development and aging at Bentley University, says that the Millennial marriage trend has roots in education.

"Women around the world are getting married later and part of that is because women are getting more educated and investing in their careers," Sawyer says, noting a boost in the ratio of college-educated women to college-educated men. "They've invested a lot of time and money into college, so they're getting a job and delaying marriage — if not opting out completely."

Gender aside, a college diploma isn't necessarily replacing a marriage certificate. Pew reported that Millennials with a bachelor's degree or more are marrying at a higher rate than those with less education — but they are living without children.

As the parent of a Millennial, Sawyer sees trends within her own family: Her 31-year-old son and his live-in partner of seven years are not married and don't plan to have kids.



The Impact of Not Getting Married


Boston Globe columnist Tom Keane says this trend could be cause for alarm. "Not getting married at all could prove tragic," said Keane, reviewing the economic and social benefits of marriage in the column Millennials, Reject Timely Marriage at Your Own Risk.

Marriage patterns will continue to diverge by education and race, increasing the divides between mostly married "haves" and increasingly single "have-nots," predicted an internal analysis of the Urban Institute report. Tax rates, eligibility for entitlement programs, and the availability of social safety nets are all altered by marital status, it said. Current marriage trends will make it challenging to develop policies that efficiently target the needs of the growing number of unmarried poor, it said.

"To me, there are so many things that encourage people to marry for financial reasons," says Bentley Senior Lecturer in Law and Taxation Steven Weisman. From Social Security to income taxes, married couples benefit economically.



The Evolution of Marriage


Sawyer believes that many Millennials are hesitant to marry due to the threat of divorce. "Getting married is often perceived as a risk so Millennials tend to cohabitate and get financially stable before moving forward."

Business Insider reported that fear is leading Millennials to marry later "as they take time to get to know their partner, accumulate assets and become financially successful."

In Western culture in the late 18th century, marriage transformed from an economic arrangement into a union based on love. Research published in Debora Spar's book Work, Mate, Marry, Love: How Machines Shape Our Human Destiny focuses on the interplay between humans and technology, particularly how technological change impacts social structures like marriage and family.

Spar — who is a Bentley trustee and the Jaime and Josefina Chua Tiampo Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School and senior associate dean for business and global society — found that monogamous marriage emerged in many ways as a result of the rise of agricultural technologies. A prime example: starting a family to ensure an heir to a family farm.

Sawyer agrees. "The economy shapes the choices people make about whether or not to get married. During the Depression many people didn't get married or postponed marriage because it was not financially viable and there weren't enough men who had the money to feel like they could provide for a family."

Daniel Everett, Trustee Professor of Cognitive Sciences at Bentley, says the overall forces of biology, social needs and economics will never let some form of long-term partnership fade away: The definition of marriage has been fluid over time and between cultures.

"In American marriages, as they have evolved, the ideal is to marry by mutual consent and build first and foremost a relationship," Everett says. "Among some Amazonian societies, the marriage relationship is first an economic partnership, with clear division of labor, from which a relationship may develop. Among more religious societies, such as rural Catholic in southern Mexico, there is some overlap with the Amazonian. And the American rural model can fluctuate from economy first relationship second to relationship first, economy second, with clear division of labor and the added sanction of religion."

The Future of Nuptials
As the oldest among Generation Z approach their mid-20s, they share similar views on marriage as Millennials. According to Pew, roughly half of GenZers and Millennials say that gay and lesbian couples being allowed to marry is a good thing for our society, with a similar pattern in views of people of different races marrying each other.

Will Millennials and GenZ usher in a new era that saves American marriage by allowing it to evolve? Radical as it may seem, they just might.

https://www.bentley.edu/news/nowuknow-why-millennials-refuse-get-married

 

[Weedygarden]

Millennials are making history by saying no to traditional marriage in record numbers — and they may be radically changing a centuries-old institution.

While traditional marriage has been on a downward trajectory for generations, with this group — the oldest now 40 years old — it appears to be in free fall. According to a report by the Pew Research Center, Millennials are slower to establish their own households; more than four-in-10 do not live with a family of their own.

Many Millennials are choosing to test drive nuptials. Pew reports found that a significant share is living with a romantic partner. Cohabitation is more common among Millennials than Gen Xers across most racial and ethnic categories, as well as educational attainment.

Lecturer in Natural and Applied Sciences Clarissa Sawyer, who teaches gender psychology and adult development and aging at Bentley University, says that the Millennial marriage trend has roots in education.

"Women around the world are getting married later and part of that is because women are getting more educated and investing in their careers," Sawyer says, noting a boost in the ratio of college-educated women to college-educated men. "They've invested a lot of time and money into college, so they're getting a job and delaying marriage — if not opting out completely."

Gender aside, a college diploma isn't necessarily replacing a marriage certificate. Pew reported that Millennials with a bachelor's degree or more are marrying at a higher rate than those with less education — but they are living without children.

As the parent of a Millennial, Sawyer sees trends within her own family: Her 31-year-old son and his live-in partner of seven years are not married and don't plan to have kids.



The Impact of Not Getting Married


Boston Globe columnist Tom Keane says this trend could be cause for alarm. "Not getting married at all could prove tragic," said Keane, reviewing the economic and social benefits of marriage in the column Millennials, Reject Timely Marriage at Your Own Risk.

Marriage patterns will continue to diverge by education and race, increasing the divides between mostly married "haves" and increasingly single "have-nots," predicted an internal analysis of the Urban Institute report. Tax rates, eligibility for entitlement programs, and the availability of social safety nets are all altered by marital status, it said. Current marriage trends will make it challenging to develop policies that efficiently target the needs of the growing number of unmarried poor, it said.

"To me, there are so many things that encourage people to marry for financial reasons," says Bentley Senior Lecturer in Law and Taxation Steven Weisman. From Social Security to income taxes, married couples benefit economically.



The Evolution of Marriage


Sawyer believes that many Millennials are hesitant to marry due to the threat of divorce. "Getting married is often perceived as a risk so Millennials tend to cohabitate and get financially stable before moving forward."

Business Insider reported that fear is leading Millennials to marry later "as they take time to get to know their partner, accumulate assets and become financially successful."

In Western culture in the late 18th century, marriage transformed from an economic arrangement into a union based on love. Research published in Debora Spar's book Work, Mate, Marry, Love: How Machines Shape Our Human Destiny focuses on the interplay between humans and technology, particularly how technological change impacts social structures like marriage and family.

Spar — who is a Bentley trustee and the Jaime and Josefina Chua Tiampo Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School and senior associate dean for business and global society — found that monogamous marriage emerged in many ways as a result of the rise of agricultural technologies. A prime example: starting a family to ensure an heir to a family farm.

Sawyer agrees. "The economy shapes the choices people make about whether or not to get married. During the Depression many people didn't get married or postponed marriage because it was not financially viable and there weren't enough men who had the money to feel like they could provide for a family."

Daniel Everett, Trustee Professor of Cognitive Sciences at Bentley, says the overall forces of biology, social needs and economics will never let some form of long-term partnership fade away: The definition of marriage has been fluid over time and between cultures.

"In American marriages, as they have evolved, the ideal is to marry by mutual consent and build first and foremost a relationship," Everett says. "Among some Amazonian societies, the marriage relationship is first an economic partnership, with clear division of labor, from which a relationship may develop. Among more religious societies, such as rural Catholic in southern Mexico, there is some overlap with the Amazonian. And the American rural model can fluctuate from economy first relationship second to relationship first, economy second, with clear division of labor and the added sanction of religion."

The Future of Nuptials
As the oldest among Generation Z approach their mid-20s, they share similar views on marriage as Millennials. According to Pew, roughly half of GenZers and Millennials say that gay and lesbian couples being allowed to marry is a good thing for our society, with a similar pattern in views of people of different races marrying each other.

Will Millennials and GenZ usher in a new era that saves American marriage by allowing it to evolve? Radical as it may seem, they just might.

https://www.bentley.edu/news/nowuknow-why-millennials-refuse-get-married

I see so many people who are approaching 40, who have been busy with education and careers, but no marriage or children. The cost of an education puts them in such deep debt early on.

 

[joel]

Here is one problem:


I do not have the answer.

 

[UrbanHunter]

My experience was a poor example, it took 18 years to just to break even.

 

[CalicoKatie]

Give up the overtime - I can't stress enough how important this is. Look at it like this, if you split now you'll have to pay child support and you'll be living on less. Cut out the OT and start living on less now while you have time to make other preparations as well as still living with your kids. Besides, there's no way to hide it because it shows on your pay records.

I've rarely, if ever, seen anything positive about either spouse working a lot of overtime. The more you make, the more you spend. The more time away from your family, the less you know about them. It's like a cancer that eats away at a marriage until there's nothing left.

Use the extra time to learn those survival skills you mentioned, homestead in your back yard and take your kids camping in a state park. I dunno, maybe you already do that but it's worth repeating.

Credit cards - If she's run up a large cc debt you could sign up with a debt resolution company and they'll handle it. These companies will work with the credit card folks to reduce the debt, close the accounts and set up a monthly payment plan that will give you several years to get it all cleared up. They take a hefty fee but it takes it off your back and prevents her from going around you and opening more credit cards. Plus, you'd be establishing a less expensive lifestyle.

Are you two sniping at each other all day, every day? If that's the case, Shut Up. Again, I can't stress enough how important this is. If you want to hang on until your kids are 18, play a part. Fake it 'til you make it. Whatever you need to do to misdirect her so that she doesn't jump the gun and file first. I would bet money that you two don't smile at each other very often. When things start going down hill, we stop smiling and that contributes even more to the downhill slide. So, smile at her.

Tell her you're cutting back on the overtime because you're tired of not seeing her and the kids. That's why you're doing all these things - because you recognize that working all the time is hard on your family. That's the argument your attorney can make. It's all her fault for demanding more, more, more and you just couldn't keep up with it.

From your description, it sounds like when the split finally does happen it will be a vindictive divorce and it will continue as long as you have a legal obligation to deal with her because of the kids. Would you really bail on your youngest child leaving him/her to deal with the fallout alone? The older siblings are out the door and you split so this child "can weather the storm"?

Besides, you'd still be paying child support.

 

[backlash]

Looks like the OP was a drive by poster.
2 posts and never seen again.
I wonder how it all turned out.

 

[Magpie]

I'm sorry for your unhappiness, but like the others, extend a warm welcome to you.
As a parent, I would advise don't wait for the kids to turn 18. They know, and you would both be better handling it with dignity and openness, while you are still in the one house, so they have a chance to ask questions. What you do now will affect their relations in the future.
Kids are savvy, don't give them an opportunity to play you off against each other.

And for yourself; don't wait. Everyone deserves to be happy, and if you both make each other miserable it will make you both sad and or bitter. It's not good for your health.
Do as much as you can (agreeing stuff etc) as soon as you can before the relationship deteriorates any further. And like someone said- in the end the lawyer wins. Point this out to your spouse, neither of you should be taken for a ride. The very best of luck, sorry I can't be more help, I'm not in the States.
Do you have a citizens information service over there? They will advise for free.