- Joined
- Dec 20, 2017
- Messages
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This is a tough topic but one that apparently needs to be discussed. My mom died from breast cancer that had metastisized (meaning it had returned from the first time after double mastectomy, chemo-therapy and radiation and spread to other parts of her body, namely the liver and once it hits the liver...). My man died from prostate cancer that had metastisized. The day they told us it was prostate cancer was the day they told us it was stage IV.
I'm bringing this up for two reasons. The one reason is the symptoms and the denial. My mom and husband both had symptoms leading up to the diagnosis of stage IV. Mom developed asthma, had trouble breathing (humid, polluted air in the summer in MD), arthritis had gotten really bad. Hubs had pain in his collar bone, his arm, his leg, his hip, not severe, but it hurt. He was bruising easily. He and my mom both thought their aches and pains were from growing older, or this or that. Denial plays a strong part in a person's decision making process..."ah! it's nothing, just getting old. I'm getting arthritis. It is a joint flare-up. It's old man's disease. I have to pee frequently, no big deal." All of that and more.
The second reason I'm bringing it up is it might save your life, but what if you don't want to go through all the treatments?
How do you choose? Do you say to yourself, well if I get prostate cancer I will just let it run it's course or do you keep up with getting checked out at least every two years? More often if you have suspicious symptoms? Or are you going to get early treatment and live years longer and maybe without feeling like having sex ever again? Take your pick. Yeah, there's that. Or in a woman's case getting pap smears and mammograms if you think you need it.
So months before the diagnosis I made hubs set up his appointment and doctor said his levels were elevated, take these pills. Plus now I'm going to tell you you are diabetic. Couple of months, maybe four, went by. Symptoms had gotten worse, more wifey encouragement, he hated the appointments but had never been examined the way all you guys hate. (You can laugh if you want).
Then came a Father's Day and I said I drive you or call an ambulance. He was treated and released but told to go to a urologist. Appointments were months away. Back to a different hospital two days later, lots of testing, and finally a diagnosis. It had metastisized to his collar bone, his arm, his shoulder, his leg, his hip, his ribs, his pelvic bone, tumors in the prostate and large colon and unbeknownst to him previously, internal bleeding. His pain was incredibly hard to bear as time went on. His liver was compromised. His kidneys weren't good.
Are you still here, you're still reading? My mom didn't want me to know she was dying. I think she knew she was dying, for goodness sake her skin had turned yellow and she was puffy and felt so bad and was in, in her words on a scale of 1-10 pain, 10 being the worst ever, she was a 10. Three days before she died she finally agreed to hospice care. Ten days before my husband died he begrudgingly agreed to hospice care. It was kind of the worst ten days of both of our lives. Yeah. The worst.
So after the week long hospital stay and thinking recovery, we can have a few good years yet, right? Hubs told our church friends what he had and it was not easy. That month four of the guys from church that were roughly his age went to the doctor, got themselves checked and started treatment, yes, for prostate cancer, early stages.
So, yeah, if this helps just one guy or one woman remember what you need to do if you're having some suspicious issues, then it will have been worth sharing this sad message. Sometimes I think he knew what was going down and just didn't want to stick around, go through all the crap of treatment, and that was his right. So what would you choose? Rhetorical question. You don't have to answer. You certainly don't need to apologize to me that you're sorry for my loss. Both my parents and my husband were all ...gone too soon. Mid 60s. I have the feeling this will be one of those things that nobody wants to talk about and that's okay too. Listen to your gut.
I'm bringing this up for two reasons. The one reason is the symptoms and the denial. My mom and husband both had symptoms leading up to the diagnosis of stage IV. Mom developed asthma, had trouble breathing (humid, polluted air in the summer in MD), arthritis had gotten really bad. Hubs had pain in his collar bone, his arm, his leg, his hip, not severe, but it hurt. He was bruising easily. He and my mom both thought their aches and pains were from growing older, or this or that. Denial plays a strong part in a person's decision making process..."ah! it's nothing, just getting old. I'm getting arthritis. It is a joint flare-up. It's old man's disease. I have to pee frequently, no big deal." All of that and more.
The second reason I'm bringing it up is it might save your life, but what if you don't want to go through all the treatments?
How do you choose? Do you say to yourself, well if I get prostate cancer I will just let it run it's course or do you keep up with getting checked out at least every two years? More often if you have suspicious symptoms? Or are you going to get early treatment and live years longer and maybe without feeling like having sex ever again? Take your pick. Yeah, there's that. Or in a woman's case getting pap smears and mammograms if you think you need it.
So months before the diagnosis I made hubs set up his appointment and doctor said his levels were elevated, take these pills. Plus now I'm going to tell you you are diabetic. Couple of months, maybe four, went by. Symptoms had gotten worse, more wifey encouragement, he hated the appointments but had never been examined the way all you guys hate. (You can laugh if you want).
Then came a Father's Day and I said I drive you or call an ambulance. He was treated and released but told to go to a urologist. Appointments were months away. Back to a different hospital two days later, lots of testing, and finally a diagnosis. It had metastisized to his collar bone, his arm, his shoulder, his leg, his hip, his ribs, his pelvic bone, tumors in the prostate and large colon and unbeknownst to him previously, internal bleeding. His pain was incredibly hard to bear as time went on. His liver was compromised. His kidneys weren't good.
Are you still here, you're still reading? My mom didn't want me to know she was dying. I think she knew she was dying, for goodness sake her skin had turned yellow and she was puffy and felt so bad and was in, in her words on a scale of 1-10 pain, 10 being the worst ever, she was a 10. Three days before she died she finally agreed to hospice care. Ten days before my husband died he begrudgingly agreed to hospice care. It was kind of the worst ten days of both of our lives. Yeah. The worst.
So after the week long hospital stay and thinking recovery, we can have a few good years yet, right? Hubs told our church friends what he had and it was not easy. That month four of the guys from church that were roughly his age went to the doctor, got themselves checked and started treatment, yes, for prostate cancer, early stages.
So, yeah, if this helps just one guy or one woman remember what you need to do if you're having some suspicious issues, then it will have been worth sharing this sad message. Sometimes I think he knew what was going down and just didn't want to stick around, go through all the crap of treatment, and that was his right. So what would you choose? Rhetorical question. You don't have to answer. You certainly don't need to apologize to me that you're sorry for my loss. Both my parents and my husband were all ...gone too soon. Mid 60s. I have the feeling this will be one of those things that nobody wants to talk about and that's okay too. Listen to your gut.
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" He lived a full, happy life, he hunted and fished when he felt like it and had an old lady half his age and somewhat above him. he did not suffer a bit other than sleeping the last couple of days of life away, he got to say goodbye to everyone as well and let his life end without pain.
.
