A person can confront a problem to resolve or pretend the problem doesn't exist. Wife chooses the "pretend" route. She will not get counseling for a problem that in her mind she has refused to acknowledge its existence.
Debt is something that some people see as a way of life,no problem.
Two couples I have known. Both bought condo's as investment property.
First couple, the wife wants no equity in it and wants to keep all the money out of the place for lifestyle, travel and whatever she wants. Last I knew, one of their sons was renting the place. First couple lives in a newer home.
Second couple, have savings and paid off the condo so they would have no debt. Second couple have two grown children. Daughter lives in the condo, and is responsible for taxes, insurance and other financial aspects of the condo. Daughter is in her first year of law school, full ride for school expenses. Daughter has a roommate whose rent pays for the expenses she is responsible for. Second couple lives in a home of around 1000 sq feet, built in the early 1960's. It still has the original kitchen cabinets, etc. They have always lived frugally.
My home was built around 1890. I have a neighbor whose 3 story home with a carriage house was purchased for $500,000 in 2004. For 6 months, the house was worked on, re-doing, upgrading, rebuilding, remodeling. He took out a line of credit to do the remodel. He almost lost the house in 2007. He had encouraged me to get a line of credit and to get a thorough remodel. Nope. When his house was for sale previously, for $165,000, my daughter desperately wanted me to buy it. Nope. No way do I need or want 3500 square feet. The house was once divided into 7 units. I could have taken in all kinds of renters, but that is always a crap shoot. Too much house to maintain, heat, clean and pay taxes on.