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- Sep 4, 2020
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For less than $500 one could send one to every dim member of Congress to prevent lip chapping and stop the lying at the same tine.
Ben
Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
- Start date
Help Support Homesteading & Country Living Forum:
Ben
I'd put some $$ in for that Neb
Jim
Jim
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2017
- Messages
- 7,313
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2017
- Messages
- 7,313
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2017
- Messages
- 7,313
Jim
A Valentine for the ladies from the Corp...
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2020
- Messages
- 9,411
The granddaughters and I were hiking up a stream bed when elder spotted and caught a crayfish. The younger only about 4 at the time to touch it when the critter latched on to her finger until she finally shook it off. Then the elder went into Rambo mode "Nothing can hurt my sister!" is what was she was saying as hunted down the critter and crushed with a stick.
In a matter of minutes heads turned as the neighbors up the road saw us emerging out of the stream bed. They had to investigate the screams coming from the other side of the bridge.
It turned out bad for the crayfish but gave grampa a story to remember.
Ben
Gosh I thought I actually saw Batman.....
Just a horse in blanket.
Jim
Just a horse in blanket.
Jim
Jim
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- Sep 4, 2020
- Messages
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A man was born with a golden screw in his naval. Couldn't get it out.
He heard about a guru and climbed to consult with him. The guru said;
Climb to the top of the golden mountain and reach into the golden cloud and pull out the golden screwdriver to remove the screw.
The man did so and the golden screwdriver removed the golden screw.
He was so happy he went leaping and jumping down the mountain when his arse fell off.
Ben
Jim
Jim
Now some important philosophical questions on life …….
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
EVER WONDER... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
EVER WONDER... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
LITTLE STORIES
well worth the 30 seconds to read!
{1}
Once all villagers decided to pray for rain.
On the day of prayer all the people gathered,
but only one boy came with an umbrella.
That's FAITH.
{2}
When you throw babies in the air,
they laugh because they know you will catch them.
That's TRUST.
{3}
Every night we go to bed
without any assurance of being alive the next morning,
but still we set the alarms to wake up.
That's HOPE
{4}
We plan big things for tomorrow
in spite of zero knowledge of the future.
That's CONFIDENCE
{5}
We see the world suffering,
but still we get married and have children.
That's LOVE.
{6}
On an old man's shirt was written a sentence
'I am not 80 years old;
I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.'
That's ATTITUDE.
Have a happy day & live your life like the 6 stories.
When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini-vacation.
"GOOD FRIENDS ARE THE RARE JEWELS OF LIFE..
well worth the 30 seconds to read!
{1}
Once all villagers decided to pray for rain.
On the day of prayer all the people gathered,
but only one boy came with an umbrella.
That's FAITH.
{2}
When you throw babies in the air,
they laugh because they know you will catch them.
That's TRUST.
{3}
Every night we go to bed
without any assurance of being alive the next morning,
but still we set the alarms to wake up.
That's HOPE
{4}
We plan big things for tomorrow
in spite of zero knowledge of the future.
That's CONFIDENCE
{5}
We see the world suffering,
but still we get married and have children.
That's LOVE.
{6}
On an old man's shirt was written a sentence
'I am not 80 years old;
I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.'
That's ATTITUDE.
Have a happy day & live your life like the 6 stories.
When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini-vacation.
"GOOD FRIENDS ARE THE RARE JEWELS OF LIFE..
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2017
- Messages
- 7,313
Jim
That's for the dried on stuff.... lol
