Jokes and Humor

[LadyLocust]

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I so love this idea!!!!

 

[Lenny]

I so love this idea!!!

Tannerite is awesome! Have you exploded it?

 

[Supervisor42]

Tannerite is awesome! Have you exploded it?

I still got lots!
Watching the younger shooters hit the bullseye with the pack behind it at our Zombie Hunts was priceless!

 

[LadyLocust]

Tannerite is awesome! Have you exploded it?

Not personally but oh the stories I’ve heard
PS. I’ve never been much of a gnome fan, but you’ve changed my mind

 

[Supervisor42]

Not personally but oh the stories I’ve heard
PS. I’ve never been much of a gnome fan, but you’ve changed my mind

Just ask @Haertig what it's like to clean up after exploding-pumpkins .
... I have no idea who would do such a thing.

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[Lenny]

Not personally but oh the stories I’ve heard
PS. I’ve never been much of a gnome fan, but you’ve changed my mind

Go to YouTube and watch some videos if you want. Some of them are about huge explosions but this video is about smaller amounts that you buy in gun stores:

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Caribou]

Ahhhhh The Wisdom of the Ages........​

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name? "Morris Feinberg," he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years." "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims." "I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop." "I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man." "I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.." "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a ******* Brick wall."​

 

[DrPrepper]

Not personally but oh the stories I’ve heard
PS. I’ve never been much of a gnome fan, but you’ve changed my mind

I wonder if I could fill my lawn flamingos with that???

 

[Magus]

Good idea! I was just going to paint some Claymores pink. LMAO

 

[Peanut]

I wonder if I could fill my lawn flamingos with that???

Just make sure your T-Rex is safe!

 

[Magus]

Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Ronald Reagan this November.​

Why is Joe Biden like the Coronavirus?​

They are both sweeping through the states, taking the elderly's breath away.

Bernie, Joe and Donald are on a Zoom call.​

Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump secretly have regular Zoom conversations.

Bernie: “I dreamed last night that God spoke to me. He said that he wanted me to be president.”

Joe: “That’s funny. I had the exact same dream.”

Donald: “I don’t remember talking to either of you last night.”

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?​

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

 

[winds-of-change]

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My daughter once took off her bra and thought she was bleeding because a red M&M fell in there and melted.

I like that! Competitive sleeping. I might be good at this!

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I’d win that competition. I can sleep anywhere, anytime.

How come I am always the last to know about the important things in life??? No one ever told me there was such a thing.

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I’d eat that in a heartbeat. It may be my last heartbeat, but I’d eat it.

And the biggest problem is being able to tell when you are reading gibberish.
The second formula under the word "problem" is completely false.
Substitute 10 for the letter "X" and run the numbers.
The upper left one is also because K=0.
The one on the right means nothing also because no numbers, or formulas.
...and that's what I get for majoring in math

.

My husband had a Master’s degree in math but I married him anyway.

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[Tacitus]

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I guarantee Pope Francis never said that. He has never been quoted (as far as I know) speaking out against self defense and defense of innocents, which is explicitly allowed by the Catholic Catechism. He did have some quotes taken out of context when he was speaking out against international arms dealers profiting off of wars around the world.

 

[jazzy]

while im no fan of this poretender it looks to me more about war weapons but if some nations prepare for war or conquest and a nation doesnt bother to prepare for war to defend itself then theywill be be attacked and taken. that is the way of the world and always has been and will be until Christ returns.

TURIN, Italy (Reuters) - quote


“If you trust only men you have lost,” he told the young people in a long, rambling talk about war, trust and politics after putting aside his prepared address.

“It makes me think of ... people, managers, businessmen who call themselves Christian and they manufacture weapons. That leads to a bit a distrust, doesn’t it?” he said to applause.

He also criticized those who invest in weapons industries, saying “duplicity is the currency of today ... they say one thing and do another.”

 

[jazzy]