Have others here been able to get your family members to live in the same general area? I'm pretty down because our family is all spread out and I don't know where my husband and I belong. I'm in daily pain as I'm always missing everyone. It gets unbearable at times as I miss my family so bad.
Family blues
- Thread starter shanrose
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I lived in Illinois my whole life, for 59 years. Then I married a man from Oklahoma. He had a very good job in Oklahoma and I worked in a hospital and could get a job anywhere. I moved to Oklahoma in 2016, leaving my 3 adult children and 3 grandchildren ( but just got a 4th grandchild). I miss them but we go to Illinois for a visit whenever we want to. We are retired. They have come to Oklahoma to visit us, too. We keep in touch with group text, FaceTime phone calls. We are all close but we don’t need any more contact to stay close. They have their lives and we don’t expect them to drop everything and come to us. But I would love it if they did. If anything happened to my beloved husband, I would consider moving back to Illinois but I really like Oklahoma more. I wouldn’t be able to handle our 7.5 acre land alone.
We keep close by phone too but it's not enough. I don't think it was meant to be this way. I feel terrible inside because I miss them so much. I understand why you would want to move back. I wouldn't want to live far if I was alone.
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I miss my kids and grandkids but I am very happy in my life here in Oklahoma with my hubby.
I think most families have suffered at the hands of the modern mobile work force. 50yrs ago taking a job 500 or 1000 miles away was rare, now it’s common place. 4 times I moved more than 2000 miles for work, even lived in california while working in europe for a couple years. Now that’s a commute. But I never stopped missing home… and now I once again live on the farm where I was born.
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How much family are we talking about? Parents, siblings, kids, grand-kids?
Are you thinking for just visiting or more serious situations?
I don't call it a ranking or anything but here's how I play it.
1. I take care of any family members that need help and will arrange to be with them. Could be a drive, flight or whatever's needed. We moved my 80 YO FIL with dementia and mentally disabled BIL 300 miles to be with us and we can take care of them.
2. I know it may be some sort of unacceptable but both of my 20-something YO kids still live at home. We like them here... for now. We have enough space for everyone. We're getting old so it's nice to have young hands available.
3. Everyone else. I'm exhausted right now so I'll come back later with my thoughts.
Are you thinking for just visiting or more serious situations?
I don't call it a ranking or anything but here's how I play it.
1. I take care of any family members that need help and will arrange to be with them. Could be a drive, flight or whatever's needed. We moved my 80 YO FIL with dementia and mentally disabled BIL 300 miles to be with us and we can take care of them.
2. I know it may be some sort of unacceptable but both of my 20-something YO kids still live at home. We like them here... for now. We have enough space for everyone. We're getting old so it's nice to have young hands available.
3. Everyone else. I'm exhausted right now so I'll come back later with my thoughts.
Yes! That's spreading everyone all over the country for work and it's not healthy. You're very fortunate you returned home. I have such sadness that I can't shake with everyone spread out. It wasn't meant to be this way. My friend's daughter just moved away too leaving her upset.
Kids and grandkids, sibling. I want everyone near due to the collapsing of society or God knows what else is coming. We don't even know what's ahead.
That's great you're able to move them close by to care for them. I don't think it's unacceptable at all to have adult children living home - both sides of us having adult children living home in 40's.
The further the better! The I've got no one feeling is weird, BUT, that's ok! I never had kids, by choice!!
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Ours visit often. It was weird when we first moved, though, but the kids had all moved from New Mexico where we were, except for one of them. I guess I didn't really expect them to move to middle of nowhere amish community, but they do come often. Oldest daughter in Seattle will be here for a week, starting Saturday. Funeral is Wednesday. Two sisters arriving Monday, two Tuscon daughters arriving Tuesday afternoon, another sis on Tuesday night, Oklahoma nephew getting her from the airport on his way here. Son is taking the train, always does, will get in at 2 am Wednesday. We're filling up the house and an Airbnb. Our kids all work in cities, so I couldn't expect them to live like we do. But they know where we are, and can come if they want to. That's all you can do.
All of my immediate family is within an hour and ten minutes from me. However, my siblings have adult children all over the globe. I look at it two ways - it sucks that they are on different continents if the S hits the fan. But, that distance could be a blessing - the consequences of a widespread catastrophe might be less severe on other continents, which might help ensure that at least some of the family survives.
My own daughter is getting ready to leave the nest this year. She's enrolling at a university about a hundred miles away. It's far enough for her to feel completely independent but close enough for an easy visit. I'm uneasy about her leaving, but I've done what I can and she has to live her own life now...
My own daughter is getting ready to leave the nest this year. She's enrolling at a university about a hundred miles away. It's far enough for her to feel completely independent but close enough for an easy visit. I'm uneasy about her leaving, but I've done what I can and she has to live her own life now...
It doesn't bother me, I've always moved about, having emigrated at the age of 6. I've never lived close to family for any long length of time, but have lived with them (in laws etc occasionally) My own children are still at home because of economics, my youngest finishes college this year, but will move home as she has her own business, can work from anywhere and wants to save money.
As to Shanroses initial comment, I am sorry you feel this way, but hope you don't mind me saying I fear for your health. You say you are in pain, which I am at the moment due to a condition, and stressing yourself out over something you cannot control is not good for you. You need to focus on the positives- when these thoughts creep in, do something to distract you.
As to Shanroses initial comment, I am sorry you feel this way, but hope you don't mind me saying I fear for your health. You say you are in pain, which I am at the moment due to a condition, and stressing yourself out over something you cannot control is not good for you. You need to focus on the positives- when these thoughts creep in, do something to distract you.
I moved away from my family nearly 50 years ago, and I have not regretted it. I am about 1500 miles from where I grew up. We always stayed in touch by mail and by phone, and the visits were not frequent enough. After the internet we corresponded a lot more by email. We are still very close and now, correspond several times a week.
My daughter moved back east about 20 years ago, and it tore my wife up. She misses my daughter terribly, and pines for the grandkids. Face Time has helped, but that seems to be a blessing and a curse. She loves the time she spends with them, but misses them even more when they hang up. We visit them a couple of times a year, but they seldom visit us.
I don't have a good answer. You raise them to be independent, and live on their own. When they want to spread their wings, how could you tell them NO? I am happy that they have a good life, and my daughter was pursiung her dream when she left. I guess you just have to find a way to stay in touch that works for you.
My daughter moved back east about 20 years ago, and it tore my wife up. She misses my daughter terribly, and pines for the grandkids. Face Time has helped, but that seems to be a blessing and a curse. She loves the time she spends with them, but misses them even more when they hang up. We visit them a couple of times a year, but they seldom visit us.
I don't have a good answer. You raise them to be independent, and live on their own. When they want to spread their wings, how could you tell them NO? I am happy that they have a good life, and my daughter was pursiung her dream when she left. I guess you just have to find a way to stay in touch that works for you.
I feel for you kid. I just have a son, but he prefers to live in ground zero in Colorado than on ground zero here. LOL
My oldest (34) and youngest (30) rent rooms up here on Hill House. (So do another couple and a single kid.) My middle kid's married and 90 miles away. Nope...can't even get away from the ex...the witch has a house on the property, too! It's all work, here. Everyone derives an income in recording one thing or another (5 studios) and even the single kid works as a customer rep on his computer & phone for the tax dep't. So...I can't put myself in your position. I'd miss my boys to no end. They did spend several years on the road in various bands...but...here they are. Daily pain from being away from them...has gotta be tough. I'm a lucky man, I guess...and even luckier that I have my own wing all to myself!!!
Sometimes I think those who don't have a family are better off due to not having the worry and pain.The further the better! The I've got no one feeling is weird, BUT, that's ok! I never had kids, by choice!!
That's good that you see them often. Most of us are just too far from each other.
It's concerning to have them go off to college - a lot goes on at them. I did a lot of research and read that colleges deliberately hide campus crime.
You are wise. I've lived through my family's distant moves before and faced the same feelings and this will pass. We talk on the phone a lot but it's not the same as being able to hug and do things together.
OMG your wife sounds just like me! I feel exactly the same: after we talk on the phone I miss them even more. It doesn't seem like it was meant to be this way.
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I moved to a different continent from all my blood relatives when I was 18
it's a huge hassle to go visit , and yeah it sucks sometimes . About to fly over there in a month
But what bothers me more is my daughter and grandkid not living close enough to visit more often, and they are still in the same State but it's a 5-6 hour drive one way
who knows where our son will end up ( he is still living with us but about to graduate from college)
it's a huge hassle to go visit , and yeah it sucks sometimes . About to fly over there in a month
But what bothers me more is my daughter and grandkid not living close enough to visit more often, and they are still in the same State but it's a 5-6 hour drive one way
who knows where our son will end up ( he is still living with us but about to graduate from college)
I have cousins up north, and Hubby's family thankfully is 1200 miles away.
Sometimes it is better to be away from the drama. Families can be quite dysfunctional at times, and distance can insulate you from that.
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daughter lives in ground zero of target # 2 ( after DC) and son in law is currently on a ship probably shooting down missiles from Iran....
I do wish she was not living in that particular place, but that's what happens when you sign up for the military and they tell you where you live
At least she is not in Hawaii
I'm not sure the "everyone spread out" issue is as unhealthy as the need to have everyone close.. to the point that it obviously is disrupting your life. To be frozen in sadness because you can't have them close instead of being happy that you raised independent healthy children who grew into strong able adults .... isn't healthy. Isn't our job to raise our children to be independent and make their own life decisions? All I want for my kids is for them to be happy and healthy. I would prefer they be close, love the Lord, enjoy the same country life I do etc, but I can't control any of that. All I can do is let them go, love the, and be happy for them.
If we aren't careful, our constant sadness and need to constantly gather our chicks can actually drive them away. It's bittersweet. We hate to see them go, but we've done our job if they do!
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I always had the philosophy that we should raise our kids to be independent and have lived of their own. I am happy my kids have their own families, interests, goals and careers. We are close emotionally but not physically. I enjoy watching them be their own people.
Oh no - that's rough. You can add so much value to your grandkids lives. I think our Maker wants us close.
My grandfather was born in Portugal. My great grandparents immigrated to the US when he was 6 months old. I don’t know if they ever made it back to see their parents. I can’t imagine how difficult that would have been for both sides. My family is spread out but I feel we are pretty close and we stay in touch pretty well and know we can call anytime if need be.
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My wifes two adult children are near portland ore and seattle wa. Kinda in the impact zone for attack or mostly peaceful protests. We live right between yellowstone and the missile fields of montana so I guess we all make our choices..
We have been raising a kiddo we found on the street and at almost 20 he is starting a new job tommorrow and hopefully will continue to work...If someone is lonely I might be able to arrange for him to come leave dirty dishes everywhere and scowl a lot....
We rent part of our house out to a young family....great fun and we get some income and a chance to interact with a two year old and a ten year old..
We have some local friends that we make a effort to interact with and exchange help and assistance with. It takes work but it is worth it to have even a few other people that you can trust and call at any hour if needed.
Not one for clubs but if you participate in a church by all means pursue things like that to give your life meaning. Everyone derives at least some of their self worth and self image by things they do and peope they know...
The only thing you can controll is your own actions and reactions to the world around you.
My advice to anyone freakinig out over the state of the world is to stop listening or watching any news from any source that isnt upbeat. for at least one week. Chances are the world will still be here and you will be much more calm..
We have been raising a kiddo we found on the street and at almost 20 he is starting a new job tommorrow and hopefully will continue to work...If someone is lonely I might be able to arrange for him to come leave dirty dishes everywhere and scowl a lot....
We rent part of our house out to a young family....great fun and we get some income and a chance to interact with a two year old and a ten year old..
We have some local friends that we make a effort to interact with and exchange help and assistance with. It takes work but it is worth it to have even a few other people that you can trust and call at any hour if needed.
Not one for clubs but if you participate in a church by all means pursue things like that to give your life meaning. Everyone derives at least some of their self worth and self image by things they do and peope they know...
The only thing you can controll is your own actions and reactions to the world around you.
My advice to anyone freakinig out over the state of the world is to stop listening or watching any news from any source that isnt upbeat. for at least one week. Chances are the world will still be here and you will be much more calm..
Same with my grandmother who came from Ireland. I believe her mother died on the ship on the way over.
