Discussion in 'Front Porch Chat' started by Weedygarden, Nov 6, 2018.
If you think that then you've never met my husband.
Four people in a car pool. Three are women and one man. Man is sitting there wondering, "Don't these women ever shut up?"
Four people in a car pool. Three men and one woman. Woman is sitting there wondering, "I wonder why the men are mad at each other, they aren't talking?"
Not saying one is right and the other wrong. Just saying that is how it is (generally).
I think this is true more than 90% of the time, but there are men with whom you can hardly get a word in edgewise with.
Not always! I have known men who talk non-stop and women who just sit and listen. As I said in my previous post, this is probably true more than 90% of the time, but there are men that I have been around who sure have done a lot of talking.
Because they have repeat everything because men don't listen...actually we think they are just verbal organizing their thoughts when WHAM! They shift gears and are now wanting a response.
I go to the dark side in my thoughts, but I am not a vengeful person. I just think of how I could get even. I have never done anything deliberately to get even with anyone, at least that I can remember. Now, I may have had a knee jerk reaction and said something hurtful on the spot. I have done that. But I don't stew and connive and then do things. It really doesn't benefit anyone.
@SheepDog a very good analysis of men and women I think.
I brought up sons and it was an understood language my sons would say you speak woman and I speak men. We knew the difference and worked around it and if I explained something thoroughly with them they got it.
Like in relationships and or marriages it takes time to blend in together. Speaking on @zoomzoom 's subject I have a husband who is ex military and if something could be explained by me in 3 words he will explain it in a chapter. To which my reply "is you mean these 3 words don't you and I got it the first time".
To clarify both DH and I work well together and "blend" together well and have a good marriage. It is challenging when we have mechanical work or repair work to do as both of us have different ideas on how something should be done as we are both very knowledgeable and mechanical.
Only some women do that.
Not all, when I do it I'm yanking somebodies chain, getting them stirred up so to speak.
And usually in good fun nature, I'll poke fun at myself,before I poke fun at someone else.
Also depends on the topic.
I have a friend that talks nonstop all the time.
He never shuts up and he rambles on about nothing.
He will tell me everything that happened on a TV show that I care nothing about.
Went on a 3 hour drive with him and I about went nuts.
I stopped at every rest area just to get a break.
His wife has learned to just tune him out.
My wife and I do a lot of communication without ever saying a word.
A look or gesture and we know what the other means.
We've been married 48 years so I guess that isn't uncommon.
Get a man on a subject he is interested in and he will talk. If he is nervous he will close up or try to talk about it and make a fool of himself.
Some people talk about other people, some talk about things they have or want, some talk about concepts and ideas. The people I enjoy the most are in the last group.
/SARCASM ON: Women are never wrong in the things they talk about be cause they talk about how they FEEL about it. :SARCASM OFF/
My wife does this sometimes and it's a good thing I have had some training. I can counter her feelings with my own and we can both be right. Then we can work together to get something done.
It's still hard for me to do that last group but I'm working on it. Concepts and ideas.
I thought of this thread after someone posted in a neighborhood group. I wish I had copied and saved it. This is my best memory of it. There were several people involved in the conversation:
"Does anyone know where or how I can barrow (sic) some Christmas books?"
First response, "The library has some Christmas books on display now."
Original poster responds, something like, "It is too early now."
Next response: "Then go when it is closer to Christmas."
Original poster: "For Christmas."
Response: "This doesn't make sense. Get the books from the library when it works for you."
Original poster posts a photo of a stack of books each individually wrapped so that each evening before Christmas, they can open a book and read it.
Next response was a GIF of someone who was really frustrated. LOL!
Then the original poster edits her original post to say something like, "I want Christmas books for my children, not library books.
Then the original poster says, "I said in my first post that I don't want library books."
She hadn't, and the first woman to respond originally, who is the group administrator responds: "You asked to borrow books, you didn't say anything about no library books."
Original poster posts a photo of her now changed post, showing it was 4 hours ago. It was NOT the original post, trying to show that responses are out of line from her original post.
Next response: "You just changed your original post. It didn't say anything about no library books. And you asked to "barrow" not "borrow" books.
Original poster: "I didn't say that, but whatever. by (instead of bye).
Now others are getting on and being critical of all the trolls. "We need to encourage this woman who wants to read to her children."
Finally the administrator, who was active in this conversation deletes it.
You see, the poster was not clear, asked to "barrow" (borrow) Christmas books. And then she tried to change it and play victim, but too late, had the group admin in the mix of the conversation. Good for her for wanting to read to her children. She definitely missed something in her own education.
My observation is that she was talking (writing) without thinking until all those people responded. She seemed to be a good manipulator, but not a clear communicator. This fits in with the comment that women talk to sort things out. Sometimes we do!
I suppose that's true in one way...and why I write to a friend, then erase it all and expect my friend to know me better because, after all, I have just laid everything out there; when actually, I didn't.
Quiet and deadly, no. Just quiet. But in my mind it is too noisy sometimes. Meditation would help, just being quiet, stopping the internal dialogue, would help.
What are we talking about?
Wife: What time do you want to leave?
Me: What time do we need to be at their house?
Wife: It's for supper.
Me: What time is supper?
Wife: We need to be there before then!
Me: So what time do we need to be there?
Wife: Six. But we don't need to be the first ones there. A little later will be better.
Me: How long will it take to get there?
Wife: I don't know.
Me: Well we will have to drive though town, the traffic will bad and there's the detour. About an hour.
Wife: I doesn't take a HOUR!.
Me: You just said you didn't know how long it would take.
Wife: Why do you have to be that way?
Me: What time do you want to leave?
Wife: 5:15 will give us plenty of time.
Me: At 4:45 I stop the house repair work and put the tools away. Shower and get dress. At 5:10 I'm in the car ready to go. At 5:25 wife comes out and gets in the car, remembers that she forgot set the timer on the DVD to record a TV show for her sister. We leave our house at 5:33. We arrive at our friends over a half our late, super has dried out in the oven. This is not an unusual occurrence for us. Now when she asks me, 'What time I want to leave' I responded with, "It doesn't matter when I want to leave when will you be ready?"
Flash back a lot of years. Wife says we are always late for church because she has the children to get ready! OK, I can solve that. For the next month I wake the kids on Sunday morning, fix and feed them breakfast, help with their bathroom chores, dress them and we are waiting for Wife in the car. We are still late (5 to 10 minutes) to church. After the month I turn to the wife and ask her what her excuse for being late is now?
The only time I have known her to be on time is when she was VCR recording the TV show "Dallas". She'd come flying in the door, flip the channel from the show I was watching, slam a tape in the VCR and hit the record button just as the show started. She had it timed perfect every time! So it is possible for her.
I hate being late.
Tardiness! I don't understand the need to be late!
I know a woman who was going to a different church than I was, and I thought her church sounded interesting. Somehow, I was going to go to church with her one Sunday, instead of going to my church. I get to her house, plenty early. I am ready, she gets ready, and then she decides to do this and that, which were not at all necessary to be done. She was messing around so she would be late! We finally leave her house, and we were late. We walked into the service late, it had already started. I did point out to her that she could be on time, but had decided to be late. I do not remember her response. In my life, I have known people who do this every chance they get. They have to be late!
Me? I prefer to be 10 minutes early and wait in the car if I have to.
I'm usually 10 minutes early and the wife will be 10 minutes late. So you would think when we go somewhere together the average would put us on time. Nope 15 minutes late...
Me, too. I always have a small embroidery project with me in case I'm really early and need to wait.
When I was a child, we walked everywhere we went, or caught a ride with the neighbors. It didn't matter if there was a blizzard, -20 degrees, raining or what. We walked, or caught a ride. When we were able to get a ride with the neighbors, we had to be really early or we would be walking instead. There was no being late with that family. I learned that from them and I have stuck to it. I too really hate being late. I am sure my blood pressure goes up if I am.
Being late: I have known a few people, who, when asked to attend dinner, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas, will be more than an hour late. In one situation, the guest was notorious for always being two hours late. My take on that? Lie to them about what time the meal is served.
We used to do lots of meals with one family. It was fairly similar. If I thought I was serving at 1, it was more like 3. The wife was more than an hour late for her own wedding. She was notorious for being late, and it was fully expected that she would be to her own wedding. Why let all those people down and be on time?
I love cooking for people, but do not like serving cold, dried out food. I know some that are late, so I tell them earlier. Our oldest daughter and family like to pretend to stay for dinner, and then leave a half hour before it's served. Big problem when I've planned, cooked, and set for an extra five. So now I don't worry about it. She hasn't actually been here for a meal in years. And no, it's not my cooking.
BINGO! You nailed it for my wife. She was abused by a "family" member during her childhood. As an adult she blames herself because she should have known better. So now her lateness response is more of a subconscious control issue. She didn't have control as a child and being late as an adult she is controlling the time frame. I've noticed that when she doesn't have control her anxiety level starts skyrocketing until she shuts down or lashes out. SIL has received professional help, wife denies there is a problem. So I try (sometimes I'm successful) to keep my pie hole shut and just go with her flow.
I never thought of it as being an issue around control. I get it. Good for you that you get it.
I absolutely hate to be late, I also don't like to be real early.
My brother has never been on time for anything, except work, in his life.
If dinner is at noon we tell him 11 and then he's only a half hour late.
I do not wait on him.
Dinner's ready we eat and he can eat when he get here.
My daughter is almost as bad. She was born a week late and she has never caught up.
My Dad's boss called one morning and asked mom if he was coming to work.
She said he still had a half hour and the boss said I know but he is always here early and was worried.
Dad had a flat tire and still managed to be on time, but half hour late for him.
My daughter was a preemie and somehow that was the only time she was early. She has always been an independent sort, and has wanted to do everything she can for herself. I believe she was almost 4 years old when she wouldn't get ready to go to school. It was February, and not that cold, but cold enough. I had been telling her to get ready and nothing was happening. Her clothes were ready on the bed for her. I was ready. I had her stand up, wrapped a thick baby quilt around her and took her and all of her stuff out to the car. I started the car and then got out to scrape the windows. When I was finished scraping windows, she was dressed. That was the last time we had that happen, but she would always take her time getting ready in the morning, moving, but not fast enough.
Wow, kindred spirits. I hate being late also and rarely am. Even with a bushel basket full of kids we were almost always on time (early) for church.
I have a sibling who also is late for everything. It was always ok with Mom. We wouldn't eat holiday meals until she arrived, an hour late, sometimes two. I had no idea.
But now I do.
I must be mean or inconsiderate or rude or something. I wouldn't hold meals for one person, unless they are in the field or out working or had something going on that prevented them from being there for a few minutes. I've experienced that many times in my life, someone who is late, just because they can be. However, if there is something going on and the late person lets everyone know that they are going to be able to get there at a particular time and not earlier, that is a different story. Then the cook can plan around that for serving food at its optimum.
Here we are years later and now I really understand, had no idea and it is like what someone mentioned upthread about having control, anxiety and I really don't know what else. I guess that's it.
Things we don't understand...scars. Some almost disappear and some don't. Some look really bad, and then they don't look bad. I'm seeing on the 'net that keto diet can help with scars.
Your mom must have been aware and sensitive to your sister's needs.
No we are always early unless something happens as DH is ex military and everything runs by stop watch here and I even get a count down on time whilst in the shower. Most of our friends are always running late which is commonly known in joking terms "Mormon time".
Separate names with a comma.